The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My wife is succumbing to her addictions, it started after attending a memorial service for a co-worker who committed suicide after struggling with alcoholism. We are estranged and she does not involve me in her work, so I wasn't invited to go. Apparently her co-worker's struggles were swept under the rug and they all had a drink to her, because "that is what she would have wanted". So it ended in a multi-day binge that may or may not be over.
I tend to use denial to convince myself that I am in acceptance, these relapses really tend to put the blurry line between denial and acceptance into focus for me. I slept O.K. last night, but woke up around 3:30, full of the anxieties that come with these episodes. Having suicide as a central theme in this relapse has certainly raised the stakes in that regard. When I woke up I prayed, I felt a comfort from outside of myself and was able to go back to sleep. I know that I am not alone, I know that step three is a never ending step. Despite everything, I love my wife unconditionally. I wish I could say I didn't have any fear about "what might be", but at least I feel that I have an HP to help me through it that is willing to take some of that anxiety away from me.
Here's a prayer out to everyone that is affected by addiction, find a little peace, it's what your HP would want.
Ahhh .. the fine line between denial and acceptance. Thank you for the share this is a subject that has been on my mind a lot lately.
Hugs, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
This is indeed a difficult and extremely painful disease that we are dealing with and the reality is shocking at times!!! Before program denial helped to relieve the pain and fear that jumped in when I considered the possible repercussions.
Today I know that although there are only 3 possible outcomes to this disease -- Recovery, Death or Institutions -- I now have a Higher Power that walks this path with me and gives me the courage, serenity and wisdom to live one day at a time.
I think my acceptance became solid when I accepted that any one of those outcomes COULD happen in my relationship. and I made the decision to stay and walk the path together.
I am glad you felt your HP's presence when you prayed We are not alone Keep praying for serenity, courage and wisdom HP will not fail to walk with you
Aloha Dad and Mahalo for that powerful post on how this program is supposed to be worked...without guarantees. The solution is what I need and step three is the solution. I see what Dr. Harry Tiebout taught about the difference between submission and surrender in your post and I'm grateful. (((((hugs)))))
Sad the way addiction works....Of course any sober or non-alcoholic can clearly see that engaging in the 1 behavior that killed the person is the LAST thing that would really honor them...When you are really in the grips, everything and anything is a reason to drink. As far as suicide goes...that is just awful. I think the real danger is that a lot of alcoholics and addicts just want to make a statement or cry for help but they are so wasted when they try and make a passive suicide attempt that they actually do succeed in doing it. Very scary indeed.
