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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> growth, painful but positive
Post Info TOPIC: growth, painful but positive
Debilyn


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growth, painful but positive
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I thought about this a lot. Went back in my experiences. When Tracy C was "harsh" on me, I took it as a hmmm better look at this. I appreciate her boldness to say how she felt.

We have learned thru Al Anon that growth comes from painful times. We are in recovery too.

We don't say when an A relapses oh they made a mistake. It's a relapse plain and simple and the important thing is we hope they get back to their goal. They may call their sponsor and believe me they are not going to say oh well you were doing so well.

They are going to say well you know what you have to do, figure out what led you there. If the A makes excuses the sponsor will not put up with it. Stinking thinking, bs, you know better! Or you know the drill get your bum back into recovery!

We don't make mistakes. When one relapses it does not happen over night. It is many small things that lead up to it.

We are not reading literature, not going to meetings online or face to face, we are not talking to hp,not coming here. We are trying to change things in our life so we can live with our A as happily as we can. It's a lot of work!

You have seen me slipping back when I want to go see the A. It's insanity for me to do that. All it would do is tear my heart out. But at the time it felt ok. But its the same as that first drink, I relapse and have to start all over again.

When we help others be accountable, based on our experience that is part of what brings us here. If you have been around Tom enough, believe me he is good at it. It's important to come from a place of love and care.

I adored my kids, I never hit them or put them down. But they knew when I said something I meant it. It was a guide for them. As my mother was. Lessons we learn do not come from talking about the positive. Of course we do give LOTS Of positive reinforcement. I have always been terribly proud of people here at MIP. Many, many times they would turn around and catch me when I was blowing it.

They cared enough to say wait a minute you are da da daing again.

Al Anon is not a game, or a social club initially. It's a place to come to, to stop the pain, and learn skills to keep that pain away. To stop our patterns that were not working, and for some killing them. We are here to remind each other of those tools, share how we did it, more like are doing it.

I wish just one of my friends who knew a lot about Al Anon had told me about addiction and what it can do to the people who love the addict.

I was leery to marry my ex AH. Took him a year to ease me into feeling he was to be trusted. I know it was not his fault he had a brain tumor. however even then I had NO idea about what could happen.

Anyhoooo this is my experience. love,debilyn



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tommyecat


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Hey Deb,

I am a work in progress.  Thank God for the slogans, Progress Not Perfection and Easy Does It.  We all go upside down from time to time.  Recognizing that is part of the recovery process.

Love ya!

T



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bud


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What Tommyecat said.... thank God for progress, even though it doesn't usually feel comfortable. Also, when you mentioned wanting to see your ex, my first thought was how much courage and strength that would take. I admire that in you.

A few weeks ago, I told an 11 year old boy I was watching for a friend, "you have choices". It didn't come out the way I had intended. Judging from the look on his face, I must have really startled him, so I quickly followed up with, "I love you". All is well and another lesson (for me) is learned.

Be gentle with you.



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Lindaoakford


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On the post when Tracy C said you were a bit harsh... I also took a bit of a step back when I read it (metaphorically speaking). It wasn't what I was expecting to hear.
I read your full post, I was a tad flustered, I took it on board as much as I took all the others on board.

What your post taught me on reflection.... It made me look all the more at the positives of what I did. I didn't stuff up completely. I gave myself a pat on the back. I am learning and I am listening. I could have taken that post and reflected on what I did wrong. How much I may have done damage and slipped back to old habits straight away etc etc.

I chose not to. I incorporated part of what you said, and decided to read that you are telling me to be careful.

I decided that no one on this board knows all about me, and I do not know all about you all. I will read it all that is given to me and I will take it all on board as a learning experience.

We all slip backwards and forwards no matter how long one has been here. I also take that into consideration.

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Linda - a work in progress
Breakingfree


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I just love you Deb and of course we all need a wise Al-anoner around that has worked the program long enough to help keep us sane. Lord knows I slip, but I get back up and wipe myself back off quicker now and get back into my recovery. Not everyone loves the tough love, but it helps keep me on stable ground. Thanks for the share.

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
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