suicide - Al-Anon Family Group

looking_for_peace · Veteran Member

suicide

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

(((looking for peace)))) I'm so, so sorry for what you're going through right now. Please don't feel guilty for your thoughts. He suffered so much in his life, you loved him and of course you're relieved that he's not suffering anymore. That is nothing to feel guilty about. Take care of yourself and your children. Reach out to HP. And yes, remember the good. I hope those good memories will be a comfort to you. You and your family will be in my prayers.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I((((Dear Looking for Peace)))))

I am so very sorry for the sad loss to yourself and family. This disease is relentless and so very difficult. I am glad you found us in your time of great sorrow and would like to suggest that you continue sharing here and at face to face meetings in your community. You will find such compassion and understanding from those who understand as few others can.

Remember the "Good Times" He is finally at peace.

In my thoughts and prayers

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs, loosing a loved one especially when the relationship is clouded with so much complications that addiction brings in. I don't have any personal ESH, I can share what I learned while working at a funeral home. I would encourage you to attend grief counseling of some kind either in group and/or private. No one ever knows the amount of pain someone else is in to act out in such a manner. Suicide brings a wealth of confusion, anger, frustration, guilt, for those who left to muddle through the mess. I encourage you to continue to post about what you are going through and let us and face to face meetings support you through it. My heart goes out to his parents and the trauma of loosing a child in that manner. No matter what the age or the issue/s attached there is always the feeling some how it could have been prevented.

Feelings aren't facts, and they will change have a good support system around you and your children as you work your way through this. Your whole family will be in my prayers during this difficult time.

Hugs P

-- Edited by Pushka on Saturday 19th of November 2011 10:54:01 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Lookingforpeace,

I am so sorry for your loss. I truly empathize and feel for you.

Even though this is a tradegy, I'm glad you shared it for a few reasons. 1. I have had depression and have been treated with Klonopin and Effexor for over 10 years. 2. I am an alcoholic. 3. There have been times in my life where I really thought I was going to go in the direction you just discussed your husband going in. There but for the grace of God go I.

I have tried to titrate and play around taking more or less of my meds for a long time (before AA) - I also self medicated with alcohol. All of this led to a state of insanity and a darkness so deep I could barely crawl out. For a dually diagnosed alcoholic - It is so important to keep receiving appropriate mental health services, take meds as prescribed, and stick close to the fellowship.

Mark

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear SearchForPeace,

My deepest sympathy is extended to you.

I had a loved one commit suicide when I was 19 years old. He was my beloved step-father, who suffered from Bi-Polor disorder. At the time of his death, my mother and he were in the process of divorce. My mother was in her late 40's at the time. She recently passed this summer at the age of 82

Just a few months before her death, she admitted to me that she felt responsible for his death. She also shared with me that she never told anyone. I was honored that she could tell me, but I was also so saddened. She carried around the needless guilt for nearly half her life. I can't imagine.

I, too, felt responsible for a while. But I discussed this with a counselor and she helped me put his death in proper persepective.

So I urge you to get the support that is right for you. Please don't bury your feelings deep inside you. Share them where you most feel comfortable.

In my opinion, regardless the circumstances, when a person decides to end his/her life, he/she is responsible and no one else. I truly believe that.

I do believe he is at peace now. Keep that close to your heart and be kind to you. His decision was out of your hands.

Take good care, Gail

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I am glad you are able to lean on this board. There are many many people on this board who have lost love ones to this disease.

My parents suffered from severe mental illness all their life. I had a greulling childhood. I am sure you are shocked, upset and in need of support. There are often suicide support groups in certain areas often associated with Suicide Prevention lines. I hope you will take every opportunity to take care of yourself.

Maresie.

danni · Senior Member

My heart goes out to you and your children. I am sending you love. You, your husband, and your children are in my prayers. Take care.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so sorry for your loss. I empathize with your scope of feelings and I'm glad you shared. My sincere hopes that you can start processing the guilt so you won't continue to be plagued by it. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

LFP: I am so sorry to hear about what happened. You are not alone as you go through this difficult time. We are here for you!

Kathleen

never going back · Senior Member

(((LFP))))
I am so sorry for your loss, and for the turmoil you are feeling right now. I pray that you will find the peace you are looking for. Know you are not alone.

Denise

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I pray you find peace and serenity in this! I am sending you love and support on your journey!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Lynn I remember you and your life very well. When I read your share, it is so humbling that you came here to share and get support.

I tried to go off Effexor, I am telling you, it was so horrible. I could not do it. Was at the point getting out of bed was too much. My friend got me to my doctor thank goodness.

Both those drugs are so hard on our bodies. He was not thinking straight at all. The physical symptoms are something unless you have gone thru it, you cannot understand.

I am so sad for you and yours. I was 27 with two kids when my husband died. It had everything to do with depression and major drugs.

I wish I had of had someone, my mother, brothers,daddy, someone grab me and my kids and bring us home so we could heal correctly. I didn't even realize how sick I was Lynn. I am sure you don't either. OF COURSE you loved him, he was sick with a horrible disease. There is nothing to be embarrassed about for you to say I loved him!

When we as loving people see a loved one so miserable, in so much pain, then we see what it does to our children and us, when they die, it is ok to be relieved that the pain is gone. Of course we all want the best. But this life does not always turn out that way.

Its natural to feel as you do. Throw that guilt away.

My kids were 4 and 5, I get mixed up, that or 5 and 6. To be honest they didn't show the pain from it until they hit about 10. Then they their little brains understood the implications of their daddy died. He was so good with them and was a happy guy.

But my kids are 35 and 36 now, my daughter still has trouble letting anyone in as she is terrified inside she will lose them.

My son cannot live with out being on an anti depressant.

BUT they are both great people, and have succeeded in many things.

If you have support, I am so happy for you. My jouney was not good at all. It stunted me from healing for years.

People were used to me being tough. So I am sure I made it look like I could do it. dumb.

Your kids as I always say will look to you. We need to cry in front of them, get angry. Then they know their feelings are normal. They will feel things they do not understand. They need to know it was not their fault.

Hey I had filed for divorce too as I could not take the drug stuff, the partying, the not coming home. So yes we both got the same experience. If you want to pm or email me feel free to.

I don't know how much help I would be but I would understand and relate to anything you needed to say.

I am so deeply sad for your loss. Only you know how much. love,debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Lynn I'm sorry with you that this happened and hope and pray you will find resolve with it. You have done the best you could with what you had and you didn't cause it, couldn't control it and couldn't cure it. Step two says "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could lead us to sanity" and would that have worked for you husband. It will work for you and the kids if you choose. Not gettiing your desired wish; that he would be the man you originally married and envisioned he would be is sadness enough not to mention including feeling sadness and guilt that he didn't find his own recovery. There have been suicides in my family and several times suicide was a possible solution to me as I fought the affects of alcoholism and drug and other addictions in my life and my immediate family however I came face to face with step two in the Al-Anon Family Groups especially the last word of it..."sanity" and the practice of it proved it to be true in my life. Suicide I learned was a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" and I will not judge the efforts of the sufferer who attempt to heal and then fail. Mental and emotional sickness and disease appears too real many times and must need the help of others plus the willingness, hope and faith to survive it.

I'm sorry he passed this way and grateful that you brought it here to share with us because it does help those who need to find solutions themselves.

Mahalo for your share. (((((hugs))))) smile

rara avis · Senior Member

Oh Lynn,

Sending you much love and support right now. A friend of mine went through something similar this year, she absolutely powered through what had to be done, keeping up with work, dealing with emotions, etc....She is absolutely amazing, though she did get sick months later from not taking any breaks for herself. I am giving you hugs hugs hugs and hope you can find some quiet moments where you can just sit kindly with yourself.

Lots of strength and peace for you and your kids,
rara avis

ythannah · Senior Member

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'll echo the others who have suggested attending grief counselling. I went for a while after losing my A mother two years ago because we weren't close and I had a lot of confusion about my feelings regarding her death.

A good friend of mine lost her brilliant, successful son to suicide at the age of 22. He had been battling severe, treatment-resistant clinical depression since his teens and had already made a few attempts at ending his own life. As others have pointed out, sometimes the pain of living with depression is just unbearable -- but that doesn't make it any easier for those left behind.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

{{{{{{{{{{{looking for peace}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am deeply sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

In support,

T

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so scared I will posting something like this in the future. So sorry for the pain and suffering you are feeling right now... remember that God is always with us and especially in our darkest hours if we invite him to be. Hold close to your faith. Prayers are sent your way.

John · ~*Service Worker*~

Your loss and pain is felt throughout the world, as this forum reaches so many in so many different places. With that comes prayers from all over the world, sent for your healing, comfort and peace.

No words can take away the emotions you are experiencing. So, I won't write many.

I will only say that in this moment of time, we are with you, you are not alone. God is with you, you are not alone.

You are not alone.

John

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

HI
There is nothing I can say to take this pain away so I won't try.

I will tell you a little story about me that may help you understand a bit more.

I have attempted suicide on several occassions. I don't believe I am a selfish person, I believe I am a person that sometimes does not see options because my jugement is so clouded by my thoughts.

I still do think about it at times, but at this point in time, I chose not to go through with it. I always leave the option open for myself and when I am down, I can give myself the choice wtih what I do with my life.

The thing I want you to try to understand..... I never blame anyone else because I want to die. It is not anyone elses fault. It is not because I love anyone any less. At the times I feel like that, I honestly believe the world is a better place without me in it. It is not anyone elses wrong doings, or right doings.

Other people I have spoken to say the same when they are suicidal.

I hope you may be able to understand that it is not your fault. It is not anything you did or didn't do. You don't have that type of control. If you did have that type of control you would ahve been able to stop his addiction, but you couldn't.

He did this because it was his choice, rightly or wrongly, thinking clearly or not...... Now I cannot read his mind, and I am not in contact with his spirit, but I am a person who has tried to take her own life a couple of times, and spoken frankly to many others who have tried the same thing.

it is not your fault.

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Hugs LfP))))) I am so so sorry for your loss.

Please keep the programme and your programme friends close at this difficult time, it does help.

I lost my son to this cruel disease recently and my first feeling was relief that his struggles were over, and three weeks on I still feel the same.

I know your sadness.

Be gentle with yourself, allow the tears to fall, sleep when you need to, try to eat... even though you probably dont feel like it.

Someone on here gave me this and I pass it on to you......when you feel it is all too much make a fist and know that I am holding your hand with love, friendship and understanding......you are not alone.

Wishing you all strength in the days ahead.

Much love

Ness xx

usedtobeanyer · Senior Member

I'm so sorry for your loss...God is with you.

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

So very sorry :(

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