Nothing changes, ... nothing changes - Al-Anon Family Group

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Nothing changes, ... nothing changes

amills4294 · Senior Member

I've missed some of your posts... are you leaving for work or pleasure?

Sounds like you are addressing things as needed. Thank you too for all of your support! Take care of you!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

It's a little of both, if I'm not on cnn it's been a successful trip lol. I'm going to help my mom tie up some loose ends on the estate and figure out what she is prepared to get rid of. My grandma lived with her for about 10 years. My mom and I will be visiting my great aunt up north. Then back down to finish up the trip. It's the first time I've been away from my kids for 24 hours plus. Sleepovers they have done I've always been at home. So it's a big deal for the whole household lol. They will be fine and so will I it's going to be an adjustment. Thank you for your shares and support as well, everyone reminds me how important it is to put my best interests into play. Hugs p ;)

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Pushka)))))

This is one of the many hardest things!

I am struggling to let resurfacing resentments go- when I think I've done a good job, some of the stubborn ones knock at the door. So, I have to keep upping the ante if I want to avoid that pit.

As the resentments surface, before I let them settle and fester, I go through a mental visual exercise of telling them "no, thank you- you're not needed here. I'm good just being without you- I'm healthier without you". Sounds corny, but it removes the edge as I visualize not opening the door.

Only recently am I convinced that someone else's craziness needs to stay with them- I'm sharpening my Alanon tools to recognize my craziness from someone elses. I remind myself that continuing to be upset over something I cannot control will make me ill- and I'm in no position to afford going in that direction! I can not force someone else to exercise what I consider good judgment. I only have to be right with myself and my HP.

If I am honest with myself and I find that I am seeking approval from the person(s) involved, I'll examine why and try and process that. It's amazing how much I have been able to let go of seeking approval from those that, at one time, mattered so much in my life. Alanon is showing me that I matter more.

Wishing you the best on your trip and safe travels.

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

I think it's awesome that you are going on your trip. You make me laugh about the CNN and successful trip. I know what you mean. I've been thinking about you.

I'm familiar with the anger and resentment feelings, I'm trying to make sure I recognize them and don't push them away but hand them over. I think you are doing a great job applying your program to how you have handled this whole process!!!

It will be a good thing to go, you will not look back on this moment in time and say I wish, instead you will know that you took the opportunity to live. Praying for you while you're on this trip, sending hugs!!!!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks all,

Right now for me is really seeing how angry I have been in the past and seeing how much I have changed in the past 6 months forget about a year ago .. this time last year I don't recognize myself in that person. It makes me sad to think how much of my life in general I have lived in stuffing all these feelings which is so ironic because I believe (maybe hallucinate) I have a pretty good emotional IQ! I guess when I think about it when I was a kid I shut down emotionally, I can logically see things, I know I should be feeling xyz, however doing it is a whole other ball game. I don't know how. Emotionally .. that's what is coming to be .. that is overwhelming when for so long I've felt nothing not even numb at least that would be something. I have had nothing emotionally for a LONG time.

Anyway, lots of good stuff happening right now. I AM going to take some time for myself even if that means dragging my mother along. She needs to get things done in the house as well as get out of the house too. There is a beautiful meditation garden I used to go to almost daily. It has wonderful energy there and I want to go and meditate, visualize and pray. I'm also going to get more consistent with keeping my journal up to date. I wish there were spaces like that out here their just aren't .. I miss that about CA the fluidity of it all. I just can't go in to town and NOT go to this place. I would like one sunset at the beach as well. I miss that too.

Yes, say many prayers I don't wind up on CNN .. LOL. It's an old joke. A little of my mother goes a LONG ways and I don't think she realized what she did at times, I would go into claustrophobic mode and I think I was actually having a panic attack. I have a breather one night she is not aware of and I don't think she's going to be happy about. The reality is it's 1 night out of 7 days and I will need it when we come back from visiting with my Great Aunt. She's already scoffing at the fact I'm going to two meetings while I'm out there her first response was WHY? LOL .. so we don't have a CNN moment mom. :) I told her I go to 2 meetings a week and I have to go to 2 meetings a week. It just is something I do to keep grounded and feel good about myself.

I'm very glad and grateful to be going on this trip. It's an opportunity to put my program to the pavement and allow some healing to take place. I'm bringing along duct tape .. I make no promises if I use it for myself or apply it to a loved one though. It's just like the truck .. it's still running .. lol. :)

Hugs p :)

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

Good luck on your trip.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.