The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have realized that I always put myself last... I guess as a parent we learn to do these things for our children and then as a codependant it just comes that much easier to put ourself after an A as well. For me however I grew up with a Alcoholic/ addicted gambler father. (I'm a daddys girl and was too young to remember him drinking) Anyways my dad also has a mental disability and I was taught to "help" him.. My mother is the biggest codependant to EVERYONE I've ever met.... And then there is the fact that I've been a CNA working with develop mentaly disabled/ elderly since I was 17... So, I learn as a kid to "help" dad. Then I go on to working where I have to literally take care of people that can't take care of themselves. Then I become a mom and it is my #1 job to take care of my son.. Of course I would so easily and so openly willing to "take care of" my A/disabled bf... Geesh!!! So it is basically installed into my brain that I come last...
Although it is nessasary when taking care of a kid or while I'm working... It is NOT nessasary for me to come last 24/7.. I've let soo many people walk all over me and then I'm only pissed at myself about it.. Just over the last 2 days I've been TAKING IT BACK... My respect for myself.. Of course people are going to walk all over me because they know they can.. They know I won't say no... I've already been seeing a difference in the way other people treat me when I put myself first or say no... And it's NOT how I figured... I always thought they would think I was mean or selfish... This is NOT the case...
Yesterday I made it a point to take my shower WHEN I WANTED and not wait to be the last one... That night I got more respect in return... Also I was sick and my neighbor whom apparently thinks I'm a free anytime daycare decided to just let her kid play inside my house while she was getting ready at her house WITHOUT asking me... I was in my bed sick but still awake and heard her say to her 3 year old that she would be back to get him before she left... I text her that Me and my son were home sick and her son needed to stay home... She came and got him and said she was sorry!!! This morning I was still sick and my bf woke up to bring my son to school (sober) and got us breakfast!!! THEN I went to get cigarettes (yes I know I should smoke with a cold) and I knew my bf didn't have any so I usually pick him up some too... Well, he owes me alot of money right now and he gets paid tomorrow so I figured it wasn't my responsibility and I didn't get him any... Sure he asked when I got home but I just told him "I'm sick of buying you smokes." He didn't even get mad.... We didn't argue about it... He doesn't like the kind I get so...o well. Not my problem...
Great awareness :) Some of the things I do is look at my part in things. I know for sure I was always allowing other people to treat me a certain way and without respect because I thought it would make them like me (Oh boy I get some attention that way!) and guess what? They just kept on treating me bad and I kept on allowing it. When I began to stand up for myself, even just a little, things began to get better :) Good for you! So glad to hear you are doing this and bringing it back here to share how its working for you :) Its the little changes in us that can create the bigger changes around us :) HUGS! Keep on keeping on
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
This is totally inspiring! It also illustrates how easy it is to fall into cody patterns based on upbringing, yadda yadda....when you're raised that way you don't know any better.
just as a seperate thing.....my new thing is to not abide bully's either. if i get a snidey remark or someone is deliberately hurtful- it just bounces back- instead of me crumbling and being the ready made victim.
