The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How do you guys deal with embarassing behavior of your A. Mine has had two in the past week, one in the grocery store, one in front of our house that a neighbor witnessed. Both were little temper tantrums, beyond my control, but when you are the person standing next to them and people look at you like either how "sorry" they feel for you or "what is wrong with you" how do you deal.
It's almost like the stuff that happens in private is bearable but when it seeps out into the public I just get ashamed. I know people don't understand and I can't really explain "well he's an A and he has these emotional issues" so I just stand there and look stupid. Any words of wisdom?
Doing a 4th step inventory and a 5th step with my face to face sponsor was the vehicle to help me let go of all the shame and embarassment of many public humiliations. I was completely ashamed of my loved ones behavior and our relationship suffered as well. I no longer suffer the pain of the past because the garbage of the past is just that, garbage.
If it helps, the realizations I have come to as a result of working the steps with a sponsor and attending face to face meetings is that the alcoholics behavior has no reflection upon yours. Their behavior speaks volumes of themselves.
I QTIP the situation (Quit Taking It Personally), I had to do that with my AH's DUI situation. What he does and how he chooses to handle himself is really on him, it doesn't reflect on my children and it doesn't reflect on him.
It takes time and practice,
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I strive to not make what other people think of me any of my business. People arrive at their thoughts and opinions that are based on their set of beliefs which are greatly influenced by their experiences.
So a crowd of a 1,000 people could witness my loved one doing something as I stood by him, and there would be possibly 1,000 different opinions/thoughts of that particular action that just took place. Why..... would I concern myself with what they are thinking? I used to, but once I analyzed this, I rarely give time for concern of others' opinions. It took awhile to adopt this new, productice attitude. My mind is far less busy these days, and that gives space for my HP to guide me.
I'm not my reputation. My reputation lives inside others. That's their business.
I do understand your embarassment. I don't mean to put you down - not at all. I spent too many years suffering from embarassment needlessly.
You've acknowledged to yourself and us that you're embarassed by your loved one's action. That's a good start.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Unfortunatley like alot of us you are taking on the shame of his disease. we are not responsible for thier behavior , me I just walk away and let them rant not my problem .. Louise
I have learned to disappear so that the A can be by themselves while in this mode, so I am not to blame for how I handle it. I turn them over to my HP and ease away. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
