The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay, so I've started working on myself - counsellor, doing some reading etc. I'm feeling great - I really am! Can't believe I let myself get so lost. I know I wasn't always this way but I know what has brought me here and I'm working on it. ABF has started attending meetings regularly and counselling - he seems upbeat for now - day by day and baby steps I say. He's away right now - for work traning. He is only here on weekends. It's only been one week but last week I felt great and this week has started great. Don't get me wrong, I had a great weekend with him too. The thing is we had a phone conversation middle of last week. He said he got the feeling that I was just waiting for the moment to end it, he asked if I was happy with him. I couldn't answer him. I told him I was confused right now...the was the best I could give him. I do love him but I just don't know if I can take this road with him and I don't know if I want to. We ended on the note that we would just see what happens. I can easily see it going both ways.
There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling it sounds like you are at a cross roads of such and you will figure out what is best for you. When I come from a place of my best interests (I never knew how to phrase that until these boards and reading it over and over) it always works out for the best.
Hugs P :)
You will know what you need to do when you need to do it.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks! I know I will ultimately make the decision that is best for me - I just hate having to make it! I guess I'm just confused because I have felt so good lately with him not staying at the house - he was out of the house for almost three weeks before he went as well. The stress is almost gone, everything just feels good right now. I guess I'm worried about it eventually crashing around me. I know I can't do that - I have to take each day as it comes.
I'm still find myself being positive though and that's a good thing!
I understand exactly how you are feeling and would like to suggest that you look for alanon face to face meetings in your community Here you will break the isolation, find new tools to live your life with have the support of others who understand as few others can Alanon suggest that you make no major life changes for your first 6 months to a year in program unless there is violence
The reason for that is that we are all confused when we arrive It takes time to find ourselves and uncover what we truly want and need.
Give yourself and your relationship this chance to grow and then see where you are
Sometimes we don't know the answers. I think it's more honest to say "I don't know what the future holds" than to give someone reassurance that may turn out to be false.
In time, the decision will become clear to you. Sometimes things just need to unfold organically, in their own time.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
Aloha Not Alone...body language communications is a big deal in the disease and he is reading yours like crazy and putting thoughts and words to it while you're not expressing with thoughts and words of your own to his liking. Tis okay because when the alcoholic is feeling this way not much of what you say comes out to the alcoholic's liking. I didn't know what I was feeling and thinking with my alcoholic either and anything I said didn't register with my body language...mixed messages or just off the wall. Was best often to "not now please...maybe later" and go talk with others in the meetings about how it went with them, what they were finding out and how they were changing what they were doing and how that was coming out.
He is as confused and fearful as you are. The addicts and alcoholics area as co-dependent on how we are and what we're gonna do as we are on them at time...alot. Plain ole dependency.
Program language for the 12 steps...Trust God 1-3, Clean house 4-11, Help Others 12. Simple program for complicated people. Keep coming back you are not alone and you help us grow. ((((hugs))))
I am so glad you shared because I know so many people including myself can relate. When I was new to the alanon program, I did not know the answer to that question, should I stay or go. For me it could have gone either way. Working on myself discovering that I had choices and use as much time as I needed to find the answer. What really helped me was to work the steps with a face to face sponsor. Doing the homework my sponsor asked of me was key in gaining a new perspective as to whether or not I the relationship I was in was something that was right for me.
I am so glad you have the time for reading and discovering the choices for you. Please continue to share with us as I do so appreciate your voice.
Thanks for sharing this. When I came to Al-Anon, I was not in the mindset to fix my AH--I wanted the strength to leave him! But what I found was a group of friends who wouldn't tell me what to do, but told me to listen to my own self a bit more closely. It has been almost a year and I am still listening and still 'confused' some of the time
I often have to calm my continuous worrisome thoughts by taking a breath and thinking "There will be an answer--let it be" No need to decide anything critical until I am 100% sure...maybe now I am 90% and growing...
and growing...