The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband (who legally is my ex) went through 3 inpatient rehabs within 3 years.
The first rehab we were both so naive. He was full of promises and I swallowed them hook, line and sinker. He was back to drinking in no time. (That G in my name used to stand for gulliable.)
The second rehab I was out of the picture. We were divorced by then. I don't even know why he admitted himself to the place. All I know was that when he got out, he headed down south for a 3-month vacation with friends and got into a lot of trouble. He came back very addicted to alcohol again.
The third time, I got in his business because our eldest son was about to be married and we didn't want him coming to the wedding under the influence. So I practically begged him to NOT drink (a fear-based reaction on my part). Well he tried not to drink and went into withdrawals big time.
The first week of rehab was a nightmare for him and me. He couldn't grasp the idea that he hallucinated during his withdrawls. What he imagined was so real to him. That first week, he was threatening to walk out of the place, pack up his belongings and move to another state. The family was terrified that he'd do it. But a miracle happened and he decided to stay.
The end of the second week, I came to the rehab center to meet with him and his counselor. After the session, he looked me in the eye and told me that he was staying and that he was doing so to, NOT Get my wife back, NOT get my house back, Not get my cat back (he loves our cat), & NOT get my neighborhood back (we have wonderful neighbors). I'm doing this for me!"
His tone of voice and his words told me that this time was different. He didn't make any promises. He only stated that he was doing it for himself.
On November 28, he will be sober 6 months.
Thanks to AA and Al-Anon we are growing up!
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Sunday 13th of November 2011 11:26:23 PM
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I love seeing your posts they give me hope for me regardless of what is going on between my AH and myself that I can get better. If my AH chooses so can he.
Congrats on 6 mo sobriety!! Congrats to you for doing the hard work on you and your program!!!
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
My intention is to give people hope. There is always hope as long as the person is breathing.
I have to admit that I did lose hope of my husband ever realizing that alcohol makes him crazy. I finally let go and let God and began working on what I could change: me.
My main point in this post is that he changed for him. That is what it takes.
Throughout our 36 years of marriage, we both had made promises to each other. I promised to this and that, while he promised to not drink. As much as we wanted to keep those promises, we couldn't do it. I believe that if we had not been so stubborn and gone to Al-Anon and AA, we would have started our recoveries a whole lot sooner and spared ourselves the pain. But... we grew threw the pain - it was deep pain - as we all have experienced.
There was a time when I would have been deeply offended by what he told me that 3rd time around in rehab. For so long, I wanted to hear the words: I'll do anything for you Gail, even stop drinking, because I love you. I'll do it for our family. However, I realize now that an alcoholic must stop for her/himself. I get that now. That is what kept me spiraling out of control with my emotions most of our married life. That lack of understanding caused me to do a lot of silly, and sometimes hurtful, things.
Never give up hope, Pushka. But at the same time, I would suggest never placing the focus on that hope. Just carry the hope with you in your heart, especially when you engage with your husband. But place the focus on you and what makes you happy. My husband is amazed over the changes in me. He said I am so easy to live with now. But I'm far from perfect. I will always be growing.
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Monday 14th of November 2011 10:04:42 AM
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Monday 14th of November 2011 10:06:01 AM
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Monday 14th of November 2011 10:09:58 AM
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
"Never give up hope. But at the same time, I would suggest never placing the focus on that hope. Just carry the hope with you in your heart"
Never place the focus on the hope... I love that. Hold onto it but don't depend on that. don't work the program for that. I have learned so much in a such a short time. I am excited to be as steady and serene as you, Gail. Thank you for the inspiration.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Gail congrats to you on your journey of recovery. I loved the line you used, it gave me a tickle. "There is always hope as long as the person is breathing." That is a keeper. Thanks for the smile today.
