The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
K, .. so my attitude has been fully adjusted .. LOL .. my AH has not been a happy camper tonight and well .. so be it. God love him, if he doesn't want to hug or kiss me goodbye/good night (I was told I was mean .. lol .. ok I'm sure I was grumpy acting) he doesn't have to and it's not personal (LOL .. I'm sure in his mind it's VERY personal, just so not where I am at).
Gotta love meeting night, I hope it's ok to share this because it was so profound to me and of course I read this part in the step meeting.
From Survival to Recovery Pg 235
When confronted by someone who treats me badly, I find it helpful to say to myself. "This is a sick person. God, please relieve me of my anger. Show me how I can be helpful to both of us. If I can't be helpful, or the person refuses my help, then teach me tolerance and kindness, God, and grant me the willingness to use them."
It goes on to talk about praying for the person that there is resentment for AND how resentment is another form of control. (Now I don't know about anyone else .. I like to control I don't like to be controlled, that's a total motivator for me to let go of resentments .. lol .. give me back my hallucination of power thank you very much.) It also talks about the challenges of continuing to pray for someone that there is a resentment and how it's not always easy. I appreciate that part the most. I have defucnt thinking that I have to forgive someone RIGHT that second. I don't think I wind up doing it right really when I do that .. it's not that I want the resentment I need to feel the feelings in an appropriate way and THEN release them so I'm not whammed by this crap years later thinking I was ok and I'm not.
Something I value so much about the program is the word "willingness". No one is telling me I HAVE to forgive someone or how I HAVE to work a particular step. So much is only to have the willingness of an open mind and an open heart.
The step we are working on is step 11 I'm certainly not there however once again back to the words willingness and open mind. I only have to be willing to listen to others and share things I feel comfortable sharing.
Thanks for following my weekend rant from start to finish, I do feel so much better and I feel much more centered than at 4pm this afternoon.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Oh, so glad you are feeling better. I always love to hear your perspective even when you're struggling. My AH has been in a funk all day but I persevered and enjoyed the rest of our night. I really needed to read what you wrote about resentment and control. That's a HUGE problem for me. This move has been really stressful on all of us and actually, overall, it's been OK with AH. I try to remember that he didn't have a freak out at the contract signing or when he turned over the check. So, when he's having a bad day like today I can relax and remind myself that not all days are the same.
I love this share and it helped me. Thanks for working such a great program and sharing it with me, it has helped my awareness. I have never heard that resentment is trying to hold onto control and that helps me want to rid myself of them even faster. Thanks for this. Sending you love and support.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
