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Deblyn said this in a very recent post and it is oh so true. But the problem is, they don't start out being the horrible people they become. I said to a friend just last night that if mine had started out as the horrid, verbally abusive, treating me like dirt, donkey behind I no longer live with, I would NEVER have given him the time of day. It was a slow evolution from the quiet gentle mannered man I described to my mother to the bellowing bully plowing destructively through my life. In hindsight I can say that even before we were married he showed me glimpses of the latter, but the former personality still prevailed. He was sweet. Even in the later days of our relationship there were pearls of sweetness that are hard to forget. I miss the sweet him.
I like the phrase though - In a healthy world, people do not act like this. I'm gonna put it with some of my other favorite phrases. I told the friend I was with last night my top fav - What you think of me is none of my business. (We were discussing gossip and reputations). Thanks Deb!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Thanks, this was a great share and topic. I miss the old exAH too. I still see glimpses and he talks about looking into AA, I say nothing and out his way comfortable in my own life with my girls. I love living in the moment and not staring back and not knowing the future! It is all so new, hard, but good! I am so grateful for MIP and Al-anon face to face meetings. I am such a different person when I first found this place. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I love that quote, what you think of me is none of my business. It is such a great reminder as is Debs quote. Both remind me to keep the focus on myself and let the health in this world begin with me.
"You must be the change you want to see in the world" Gandhi
Likemyheart, Reading your post, I feel like I could have said the same exact thing about my AH. In fact, one of the things I actually liked about him when we met was that he didn't seem to drink a lot, the way a lot of people in our circle of friends did. (At least I can't blame myself for knowing what I was getting into). I also miss what he was like before and hope it'll still come back, but at least I'm not sitting around waiting for that to happen. Thanks for the share.
Waiting for him/them to come back is probably what keeps a lot of "us" sticking with it much longer than we should.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
God, you guys are gonna make me cry. I so miss the woman I married... Maybe on the other side I'll get her back, maybe on this side if she actually does quit drinking...
-- Edited by petitsourice on Sunday 13th of November 2011 02:36:39 PM
Once again, likemyheart, I feel like we are living the same story and our ex's MUST siamese twins now separated. That is the biggest mental struggle I have regarding my ex RA - remembering how good he was. Emphasis on WAS.
I made up a quote once, " I don't know what my reputation is, but I'm sure I earned it." Which is something I forgot until I read your post. It is best to shut off one's mind to what other people think of you, which is easier said than done when dealing w/a close relationship. Thanks for sharing that quote about the healthy world, I am adding that to my arsenal!
Ah, another great MIP quote that will be permanently etched on my brain!
I said something similar to the ABF a few times when I was pointing out that healthy couples just don't argue as much as we do and he told me that plenty of couples fight a lot -- my reply was, "I'm not striving for mediocrity here".
I'm still learning "what healthy people do" because of growing up ACoA and having very little idea of what "normal" is... but I'm getting the hang of it more and more each day.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
My AH is fond of saying that he is exactly the person I met and I've been the person who has changed. In some respects, he is right. I know I now see him much more clearly than I did in the beginning of our relationship, which has resulted, in me changing how I support / react to him. I'm going to remember this "In a healthy world, people do not act like this." In fact, I think I'm going to add it to my fridge, along with some of my other favorite quotes such as "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future" and "I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I do know who holds tomorrow."
