I did it!!!! - Al-Anon Family Group

lostinspace · Member

I did it!!!!

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi lostinspace,

I can relate to the joy it is living on your own after living with alcoholism. The first time my husband and I separated, I rented a small apartment and stayed for 8 months. I took my clothes, a few linens and my computer.. I purchased a inexpensive airbed. In short, I had very little amenitites. However, it was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. I could come home from work, close the front door and relax, assured that I didn't have to put up with alcoholism for that night.

I drive by that apartment complex once in awhile and feel the joy all over again.

But enough about me....

I highly suggest that you find an Al-Anon group and begin attending. If you are having difficulty locating one, post and we'll guide you.

You'll meet inspirational members there that will share their experience, strength and hope (ESH). Listening to them gave me the courage to change the things I could and helped me accept the things I couldn't. (I still have my training wheels on; however, I feel relatively joyful most of the time now.)

So PLEEEEEEEEEEEZ seek a meeting place! It will be the best gift you give yourself.

GreenerGrass · Senior Member

Awesome. I can't even imagine making enough money to live on my own. You sound like you have done what's best for you. I think you did a smart thing.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I just looked on your profile a couple hours ago and it said you had not been here since Oct 27.so I thought you were gone.

Then here you are!

Well good for you. Now you can concentrate on what is most important. people don't change in a couple weeks. He is an A with a very dangerous disease.

Hope you are getting to meetings and getting that food you need.

hugs,debilyn

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs LIS,

I hope you will consider going to alanon even though your qualifier is no longer in your life. My reality is this .. if there were 100 men in a room and 2 were addicts THOSE are the two that would be my "mood altering" men as well as fit the bigger qualifier .. "exciting misery". Boy do I see myself in those two statements. Anyway, even if my AH and I split I know need alanon for the long term haul of having a healthy relationship.

Hugs p :)

nyc018 · Senior Member

You did a brave thing, and should feel good about yourself. Having some relief and space away from the chaos will hopefully help shift the focus back on you. I separated a few months ago from my AH too and while I (and he) have a long way to go in terms of recovery, it was a necessary step to regain some sense of peace and perspective. Glad you're here and keep coming back.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Lost,

That is wonderful. Flourish and grow in this strength as you enjoy the sense of peace you are feeling. I am so glad you are focusing on yourself and what you need during this transition time.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

I've been thinking about your post (my thinking can be dangerous, but not always biggrin

As I said, I stayed in that apartment for 8 months. It was the beginning of wonderous discoveries for me that continues today.

But... I did return to our home 'cuz I was lured by his promises of sobriety (I do believe he meant it; but the disease was to strong at the time). I also went back because I wanted my family intack. I went back and things were soon back to the way they were before I left.

Please note that I didn't go to Al-Anon during my reprieve. I read books such as Getting Them Sober, but I now know I would have made better choices IF I had gone to Al-Anon as suggested by my sister, who is a recovering alcoholic.

I thought Al-Anon was for pathetic women, who sat around griping about their husbands who drank too much. I was so wrong!

Long story short: we got back together. He got his 2nd DUI (driving with his 90-something year old mother in his vehicle). So he was the one who left this time unvoluntarily. I filed for divorce. We divorced. But now are reunited. He is now my "heart" husband, not my legal husband. A lot of "stuff" happened between the time we divorced and reunited. Stuff that was hard but led us to Al-Anon and AA. So believe it or not, I'm so thankful for that "stuff" that happened. It made us both wake up.

We are discovering a whole new way of life with the support of our programs (Al-Anon & AA).

Again, I highly encourage you to try meetings. Not just one time - but go to at least 6. Go with an open mind and try to reserve judgment. I recall how "weird" meetings seemed to me. But I hung in there and just listened for a while. I'm so glad I did.

Let us know how you are doing.

Take good care, Gail

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I hope you are making it to meetings and can find a sponsor, it is what saved my sanity. Keep coming back!

lostinspace · Member

Thank you everyone for your encouraging support!! I spoke with my AH today face to face and I am really finding it difficult now to not go back home. He is promising that he is going to turn his life around and he was so sincere about it. As much as I want to believe that I don't. But I miss him. This is the first and longest time I have ever stayed away from him. The one thing that I do know is that if I do decide to go back and find that things go back to the way they were (which probably will happen), I will have enough strength to walk away again, only this time it may be more permanent. I didn't think I could do it this time, but I did. I want to believe so bad that this time will be so different. I just don't know. I do know that he has been trying hard and cutting down on his drinking. Am I asking for too much of him? My AH says that he is going to get the help after he gets his son help. I understand that it's alot on his plate. But he don't have to wait, he can get help now. I know what I need to do but my treacherous heart is leading me back to him.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.