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Well, I take care of the checkbook and bills. He earns the money, doesn't care what the checkbook or credit card balance is, just buys whatever he feels like. I don't try to tell him to stop spending anymore, we only have such and such in the bank...he doesn't care, and if he cared he could check the account online. Well, he doesn't get paid until Monday, and two days ago there was only seven dollars in thus checking. Credit card was maxxed out again. I have not looked online to see the balance yet. I am just hoping he has one of those horribly embarassing, face burning moments at the checkout when both cards get denied! It's happened to me, and its because of him. The spending is out of control. He apparently thinks money grows on trees. Maybe having a wakeup call, that oh no, I don't have any money, will get him to be a little more responsible, just hoping...
You can admit to the first part of Step One......"I am powerless over alcohol", because this is his responsibility of which you have no control.....don't allow the second part of Step One....."letting it to make your life unmanageable". It's sad when their decisoins have an adverse effect on us, but everything always goes back to Step One........We are powerless.
I had this happen and since I paid the bills and we both worked, I had him put X amount of dollars to cover rent and other bills into my account to make sure the bills were paid every month. Then whatever left over afterwords he had in his account so he didn't think I was trying to control him. We never had any money for extras because it all went to drinking and we never got ahead, but the bills were paid on time. I was powerless over him and his spending, but I did what I could to control and clean up my side of the street. Alcoholism is a baffling disease for sure. I hope you are able to make it to some face to face Al-anon meetings. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I totally feel your pain. I've had to let go of a lot of control and trust that God was going to take care of the kids and myself. I realize not everyone can utilize the option that I have used which is my AH is responsible for anything that is DUI related as well as the rent. While I know that doesn't seem like a lot or maybe it seems like the world to some people it is what has worked for our family.
We've had some awkward moments, almost didn't have a place to live. The thing about HIM being held accountable for just those items it forces him to be present in the now. It also reminds him bi weekly that his DUI came with a stiff cost. I would be enabling him if I made the calls to make the payments for anything DUI. Knowing he could go to jail if he doesn't make the payments is a rough one. I have to allow things to play out the way they need to and I really do trust that there will be enough and that God will step in where He needs to.
I so understand how hard it is and how having someone take out another 20$ can completely screw over the checking account for another 2 weeks.
In support, hugs, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
