The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I would Have to say without the Love & Support that I have thru Al-Anon/ACOA I truly wouldn't have a Clue were My Life may have Lead these Last 3 years... Its Almost Scary to think when I Look back at Where I Began when this Newest Journey took roots...
Currently My knowledge and know how on the "Live One Minute at a Time if thats all You Can"... Seems to be where I have been these Last 3 days...From Sick Family, New Baby's Coming...Then Not Coming, then Coming again, Health Issues all Around me, and tho I know that HP is Only doing HIs Will and It isn't Mine, sometimes Helps, and other times can leave me Quite Empty.. But then I Again, I Have to Remember to start back over again, Right Now!
I am Very Aware in the Cycle of Life, and Yet Still the Fear, hurt & Sorrow Still Set in when You know that Life Happens and Not on My Watch... The Feeling of Loss, and Dispare also for me Kicks in at times when I know that I have No Control over whats happening to the Ones I Love Dearly...I have been Truly Trying to Stay in my Mind, In a Good Place... I have really been trying in my Heart to Keep it Full of Love & Friendship, and Forgiveness when Need Be... I have been Trying to the Best of My Ability to just BE in the Moment, instead of The Moments I fear to Come... I Can't say at all that its been an Easy Process, but at Least I Still have My Faith In God, & My Hope & Beleif that things may at times have to get Worse Before they can Heal and Get Better...
For me its Tough at times to Swallow My Pride, and Give in to Something that has Hurt, or knocked me Down a Time or Two in life, Its Tough at times to Admit to myself that I had a Part in things I thought Where Only that Of Anothers... Its Hard for Me at times to Not Pass Judgement, even when I know what that Feels like... I don't by any way Ever Feel Superior of another Human, but I do feel at times a Jealous, or envious Feeling over another when i'm in troubled times... And its Not that I don't Love My Life, and all... Its Just sometimes I Wish that I Better Understood things that I See...Even when i Know it is none of My Business... I Guess that is part of Growin Up in an Alcoholic Home... My Insides are So Use to Putting me down that sometimes I feel I Blame that on others, from past hurts, and pains...
Its Hard for me at times to see what it is that I Need... Oppossed to what I See Someone Else Needs..I"m Easy to Read another, but can't at times Tell you my own Feelings... Its like it gets Garbled up in a Heapin Mess and untill I Admit its Presents... I Sit on my Pity Pot in Denial... I Can Honestly say I don't like that place... Just need To keep working my Program to Polish up the Tools that are Layed before me I Suppose...
I know I am like All Over the Place in my Head Currently, but having & reaching for the Peace I So Desire.. The Calm of a Beautiful Days, & Birds Dancing in the Bird Feeders, and Warm Fires, and Time in Nature all at times see like it would take Moving Mountains to find...
Releasing the Pressure under my hat would be a True blessing this Week, Just taking the time for Slow Deep Breathes is All I Can Handle Some days, and i have to Remind myself, In... Outttttt.... Innnnnn..... Outtttttt..... Just to be able to get to the Next Moment... I know HP always Holds a Plan for Me, and i Do Keep Faith in knowing its HP's Will, that will lead me to the light of Happiness... Peace... & Serenity.... But at times its His Faith In Me that Worries Me the Most....
Sorry for the Ramble... And Thank you for the room... if you could just say a Prayer for My Familys Peace, Strength, & Love I would be Most Grateful...
Thanks for Being Here .... I am Forever Grateful....
((((Jozie))) Thanks for your post. I'm having a bad morning and I needed to hear the things you had to say. Inn....ooouuuttt....iiiinnnn, oouutt....I needed that reminder! Reading your post, I'm reminded of a Mother Teresa saying, "I know God doesn't give me more than I can handle, but sometimes I wish He didn't trust me so much." SO true of how I'm feeling today.
And thanks for the mental picture of "beautiful days, birds dancing in the bird feeders, warm fires". It's rainy, dark, and cold here today, and thinking of those things is like a little slice of heaven!
Praying that today you find what you need to get you through. And thanking my HP for putting you in my life!
Denise
__________________
"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
I am sending you and your family some prayers! Sounds like you have been going at a fast pace for awhile and taking care of lots of people. Take care of yourself and know that HP has you in his very big and capable hands. I am sending you love and support on your journey!!!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I hear you. You truly have come a long way in the last 3 years
Alanon tools can help us to weather the uncertain storms that surface often in life. It sounds as if you are doing this difficult part of your journey with courage, love and sharing
You know you are not alone and that this too will pass
Too You All... Your Prayers alone have been nothing short of Comforting... We have a Long way to Go, and I'm Really Tryin to Stay in the NOW.. This Moment, and when I Do, I find its Easier to handle ... Not Easy by No Means, but Easier... Thanks each & Everyone of you for your Continued Support, MIP has been a Wonderful Family to me, and I Love each of you in my Own Special way... Know you are All in my Prayers, and thanks again for Helping Me on My Journey ....
Love, Hugs & Prayers to all
Jozie
-- Edited by Jozie on Thursday 10th of November 2011 11:38:12 AM
