The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It was my A's birthday at midnight. We both play music, and had a show together. I was dreading it all day. He got just as drunk as Id imagined. But I kept laughing and enjoying myself. Serenity. His choices, his addiction, his life.
Other musicians in town and his friends came out. Everyone was buying shots and encouraging him to have more beer and celebrate the day. These are people who claimed to support his sobriety 12 weeks ago. Several of them made comments to me about why I wasn't drinking or buying him drinks. I see that these people aren't true friends, and it frustrates me, but I try to ignore it. None of my business. For my part, I wasn't discouraging the drinking. I was simply staying out of it.
I left soon after we were done. I feel like I am missing out, and like I should be there but I didn't want to be tempted to clean him up, carry him or make sure he got home safely. His "friends" tried to make me feel guilty about leaving, but I was the only sober one in the bar and I'm also the only one who has lived with this addiction through ups and downs everyday for the last two years.
I did what was right for me, and the best thing I can to to not enable or encourage his addiction. I'm pretty proud of myself. Last Tuesday I went home in tears. Tonight I was laughing.
Your post reminded me of many nights in dealing with my ex-AW, and similar circumstances, feeling like the boring one, being questioned (by AW and others) why I can't just "loosen up" like them, etc...
For my two cents - sounds like you are working your program really well, and isn't it a nice feeling of accomplishment... I love your last two sentences:
Last Tuesday I went home in tears. Tonight I was laughing.
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thanks, Tom. I'm finding it easier and easier to stay out of his addictions, but it seems like I have to start the whole process over for everyone and everything else I need to ignore. I keep trying, though.
Great way to work your program it is so nice to walk away from a situation knowing it was something that was and even can be a trigger and choosing to move away from it.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
that's awesome.. posts like this motivate me. Love to hear what others are doing and that encourages me to keep up my good work. Thanks for sharing, jazzcat.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
It is remarkable that you were able to find humor and joy in a difficult situation. That for me is a sign of detachment and that you have some recovery on board. Keep it up, one day at a time.