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Ohhh boy ... the next 2 weeks are going to be interesting. I'm in the process of working with my mom on airline tickets to go out there.
I've left it up to her as she's graciously paying for the tickets. My personality is more towards just tell me where to be and what time and I'll work it out on my end. Especially when I was single and no kids.
She's soooo funny. At this point we've had 4 different phone conversations about flights and oh boy .. lol. Should she do this or should she do that .. I just let it all go and told her whatever she decided would be fine.
I know she's waiting for me to say just do blah blah, and I'm not going to .. this has always been the basis of our relationship do you think i should .. I just no longer play that role especially when it comes to her and her decisions.
The world is not going to end on my side with what happens an early flight means I spend the night at a hotel close to the airport. The only thing I did ask is that I'm not coming back into town at 10pm I have a 3 hour drive and I really don't want to be driving that late at night. Spending the night again in a hotel is not what I had in mind, I will be anxious to get home and see the family.
I'm looking forward to the trip. It's really hit me how long it has been since I have been anywhere outside of my home state without my AH or the kids. I am not going to know how to act .. lol. I think the visit will be good in the sense that it will be long enough not to drive me insane and long enough where we will have a good time.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I"m taking you all with me during that time .. LOL .. I do plan on finding a meeting in the area as well. The meeting we had last night the topic was expectations and loving someone where they were at. I'm just really really trying to go into this with the idea of no expectations .. zippo .. no good expectations and no bad ones either. I guess I do have one .. just expect the unexpected and that's ok. That I am ok with because it is a middle of the road. I'm going to give up having an agenda let her do what she needs to do and just to try and enjoy the time right where she is at and be ok with it.
She got so frustrated with me and I laughed to myself. She is so funny. I know if I give my .02 cents that she will turn it around on me and tell me that somehow the decision was my fault. This way it's her decision 100%. She did miss some flight prices because she took to long on the decision making process. I didn't say anything to her as she went on about it. My phone got burnt up another 4 times between the original post I sent I had a good chuckle. Things must have worked out because my phone stopped ringing .. lol. It is better that I'm going alone I can just be in the moment with her, focus just on her and allow things to unfold without the stress of being a mom, wife and daughter it's to much for me to cope with all at the same time. So it will be just fine.
Applying alanon to all parts of my life is amazing!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Having no expectations was a challenging hurdle to conquer in my program but boy, is it worth it!
No expectations mean I am no longer habitually attempting to control other peope, their choices and subsequent outcomes. It's a no brainer really bc we cannot control other people or the future! It also helped me to stop having judgments and expectations about my own behavior and choices - bc even the negative ones can hurt us ~ like: I expect the day to be crappy bc every day is - is the kind of old pattern I would play out in my head and in my day.
Its kinda like: prepare for the worst and expect nothing - this works well for me and my ADHD bc I can choose what I will do, even if things do work out in a way I do not wish- I can still choose to act and respond differently. I also had to accept that I can control very little - mainly me - I can control how I will think, how I respond/react to my own feelings, thoughts and habits. It only takes one new and different change to create a whole slew of possible choices/opportunities to open up to us.
I used to think that if I expected the very worst I would never be disappointed but we cannot protect ourselves that way and it only brings more negative to us, the more negative and set in our old patterns we are.
So, I am here to encourage you now and say great work on having no expectations (esp including the negative ones) bc it is only an illusion of the control we think we have and dont.
Another great technique I began using in dating, I have found works to also keep me from attempting to control other people- is to not ask adults questions. I implemented this in dating bc a man will tell you what he wants you to know, just as other adults are just that and do not need mothering and monitoring - all that behavior does is take me away from being able to empower myself in my own life while alowing me to continue to judge others for their choices.
Who would have thunk adults do not need us to "approve" of what they are doing! And we do not need to approve of each other, to love each other - it is another fallacy from our disease/patterns of codependency.
I hope you enjoy your trip, stay in the moment, detach with loving compassion from others and enjoy the experience you have! TC & GB!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
