The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I read alot of these posts - I attend face to face alanon meetings and I am starting to work he steps. What I have the most issue with is not feeling bad or guilty for not meeting the wants/desires of others. I know that a decsion that I need to make is looming and I've known for a long time the direction that decision is going to go but this decision will impact another and they will be hurt. This starts a vicious cycle - I start doubting myself, I start doubting my decisions, I then become afraid etc. I've struggled with this most of my life. I'm continuing to hope the program will make this easier for me.
What always helps me is when there is a decision on the horizon, I ask myself, does a decision need to be made today?
If not, then I move forward and do the next right thing in front of me. You see I can get paralyzed by the fear of the decision way out there in the future. When I can bring my focus back into this day, and handle only the problems in this day, I have a chance of moving forward in my life.
I cannot tell you how many hours, weeks, months I have wasted worried about the future or a impending decision that either took care of itself, required little action on my part, or was so obvious to me what action to take when the time was right. So, for me what works is Let Go and Let God. Do the next right thing in this very moment, and Let God do the rest.
Only you know what choices you should make and believe in yourself and that voice within and follow it! Turn over what you can't control to your HP and the rest is up to you, be true to yourself and keep your head up! I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
If I am feeling guilty then I try and look at my motives for the guilt. Am I getting something out of it? Stalling is a big one .. lol. Is it necessary? Sometimes guilt promotes change and that is healthy. There is the almighty am I doing new things and I feel awkward about the changes I'm making and my committee (someone called them monkey's the other night made me laugh) getting in the way. If it's about self care then maybe I just need to do a little at a time. I can't meditate for 30 min .. it's just not possible right now years ago I could .. not now, so instead of 30 min I'm doing 5 and that is ok for me because it's where I am at. I'm looking at meditation and prayer as self care and if it means something sits for a bit then that's just the way it is .. ditto on the reading. The laundry, cleaning and my other responsibilities are always going to be there and I can pick them up at any time. I just have to give myself permission that nothing is going to shatter and nothing is going to force the world to stop turning because I take some time for me.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Breakingfree - your quote "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" is what I need to focus on now. The suffering has gone on long enough for me, anyway, it's time to move through the pain and heal.
Thank you all for you responses. I need all the support I can get right now.
It will get easier we learn to not do for others what they should or could do for themselves . That dosent mean we cant help other people we just have to learn when to stop .. learning that the word NO can become a complete sentence takes time .. Louise
we learn to not do for others what they should or could do for themselves . That dosent mean we cant help other people we just have to learn when to stop .. learning that the word NO can become a complete sentence takes time .. Louise