The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night, after a few days of my husband's anger escalating and lashing out at me and the kids, he apologized and asked what I was feeling. His drinking has escalated this week along with his anger level. I said I noticed he was drinking more (this is the first I had mentioned it) and that when he drinks he gets more irritable and easily angered, and left it at that. I added that I was sad that he was having a hard time (my attempt at compassion), that I loved him and he had my support. I've been working so hard to mind my own business, and sometimes I'm not sure what is appropriate to say or not. I want to be able to share my feelings, but I don't want to get into the old controlling conversations i used to try to have with him. I keep telling myself Easy does it. This ONE conversation isn't going to make or break my/destiny...I guess i'm feeling like maybe that I blew it. Thanks everyone for your shares. They really have helped me..
danni, It sounds to me like you did just fine. He asked, and you gave him a factual answer, no opinions or accusations, just stating the truth.. You assured him of you're love and showed concern without showing pity. I'm certainly no expert at all of this, but, in my opinion, you said the right things. I know we are supposed to 'keep to our own side of the street', and that's really hard to do. Marriage is supposed to be a sharing partnership, and it's always hard for me to realize that we aren't in that place, not yet at least. Again, though, it really sounds to me like you 'done good'! Hope this day brings you many wonderful moments, and that you're in a place where you can recognize and enjoy them!
((((hugs!!))))
Denise
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
I hope this is appropriate to share .. we had a visiting person come to our meeting and something they said really struck me. We were talking about feelings and what to do with them and their response was "I have a right to say something once, after that I have to give it to my HP." It comes back to saying something one time and then letting it go. We all have feelings and the right to express them appropriately if something is bothering you it's ok to say so, it's all about motive for stating it.
You did a great job keeping it about how you felt and expressing compassion for his situation. You worked your program and you are right one conversation is not going to be the end all of ends.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
What helps me is to be gentle with myself. I still blow it and go upside down in my program. Life is in session and when I dance with alcoholism I am bound to trip up from time to time. The beauty in this dance is that I trip and fall in the right direction. Always reminding myself I am a work in progress, that the Alanon spiritual principal, progress not perfection applies. When I can acknowlege that I cannot do this dance perfectly, I am free to make mistakes, and perhaps make amends if necessary.
You are doing a great job, I just wanted to let you know.
Thank you both so much. I am so grateful for this site. It has made a huge difference in my life already in just a few days. i am up early with my 2 and 5 yr olds (west coast time), and it is just amazing to have this support (in addition to my morning literature) during a time of day when I need it the most and have previously had access to it the least. Your words have really helped me let in some calm and focus to my morning. Have a lovely day!
I shall, you as well my friend. I am up early with my kids as well, 3 and 7. This morning I was lucky to get my first sip of coffee before they woke up. That is a miracle, something I am very grateful for when it happens.
It sounds like you were honest and have great awareness already! I too am up early with my kids 3 and 13 yeah big gap, haha. I hope you all have a great day! I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
There is no right or wrong here. The program is based on suggestions and it's to help you have serenity in your life. It's not to help you do and say the "right things" to him. As we all know, it's very difficult to reason with an alcoholic (even when they are not intoxicated)....You could get a negative response for saying something and you could get a negative response for not saying something. To thine own self be true.
