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Sorry to vent again, but then again this info might be useful to anyone who will go through the restraining order process. fyi any of you who do, I recommend a lawyer, advocate, etc...basically as many people as you can to help navigate the paperwork. It is highly time consuming and aggravating.
Last Weds, an Emergency Protective Order was granted and should have been delivered to my ex RA. On Saturday I called the police station in charge of delivery, and they had no record of an EPO fax from the station where it was filed. I called the the station where it was filed and they said they HAD faxed it. I called the second station back and they still couldn't find it. I called the first station and asked them to refax it. THEN on Sunday I called the second station and they still didn't know IF they got the epo, or if it had been delivered. So, Sunday night, I'm at home alone and my ex RA knocks on the door. I ended up hiding in my bathroom, not knowing whether the epo has been delivered or not. I hear the ex's voice, which does not sound angry, he's talking to the dog. Still, what the hell? He keeps knocking. No way I'm going to go out there. I'm sitting in my bathroom debating calling 911 or not, and decide the police have been useless here and I don't trust them to act on time. I call and text some neighbors to help get me out. A neighbor checks to see if my ex is on either side of my house, or if his vehicles are around. All seems clear, but just in case I crawl on the floor across the entryway because that is where my keys and dog leash are. There is an opaque window there and I don't want my ex, if he's around, to see shadows. Then I go out the back and my neighbor walks me to the back of his house.
Lesson: friends are WONDERFUL!
I am so exhausted from this stupid drama. This entire day was spent in a lawyer's office. I don't feel safe in my home, and it seems the only way to find serenity is to get my ex arrested.
Thank you all for your support while I am fighting to maintain my boundary and crawling towards serenity!
No one tells you getting the thing served is a nightmare. We all expect it to go seamlessly it doesn't. I have sat in the courtroom for the EPO and it is illuminating.
Nothing is straight forward about getting out. This has nothing to do with you at all but a system that does not work that well.
Oh nooo RA .. I am sooo sorry you are going through this, it was never an issue in my case. I"m just so glad he's out of the house for your own sake.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
If it takes them that many days to get an EMERGENCY order.. or don't get it as the case may be.... I would hate to see how they respond to a 911 call!!!!!!
I filed a restraining order on my ex while going through our divorce.
It was a form letter thing. In Wisconsin they are automatically granted. I forget the exact wording but basically they say the other person is not allowed to make contact - visit, telephone, etc. My memory is it cost $75 to file it. Would of been a few dollars more if she didn't already have a lawyer and needed to be served.
It put an end to the 2AM phone calls from the bar. And would give the police some leverage for any other unwelcome contact.
I didn't get the impression the police look at this kind of stuff unless and until they are out responding to a 911 call.
I work and respond very quickly to 911 calls. But the paperwork side of things can tend to be delayed and I am sorry that you are going through this. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Not to frighten Anyone. But, if this is a concern, you must take all the unknowns Seriously. Not only have an extra set of keys Outside of the home, also have all important papers and documents somewhere else where you can get them safely when you need them. Have an extra change of clothing for all your family memebers in the trunk of the car, ready. Hide money, out of the home. Know the numbers of close friends and shelters who can hide you. If you are wondering, geesh, should I call over this one, or leave over this one......Leave, or Call. Do not hesitate. Do NOT value your home more important than you. Everything in that home, plus the home itself is replaceable, you are not.
My son dated an abused woman, she confided in me. The bottom line, is I saw the look in her eyes that said she was going back to her property because "by golly, "I" paid for it, Not Him!!!!". I implored that her life was worth far more, but saw she would return. I...prayed like the dickens for my sons safety. Two weeks later, she was dead, she returned to her home. My son flew into a crime scene.
There is no horror like this one. So, PLEASE, no one upping, no game playing. No minimalizing when there is a history...protect you and yours.
Stay Safe and chose your next partners with extremem caution. Learn what about you attracts to those with controlling and or abusive tendacies.
With great affection, Because YOU are Worthy of the Best!!!
Just because someone knocks on your door, does NOT mean you have to answer it. You can get strong enough to talk through the door and state your case - go away, if you don't go away right now I am calling 911 (and then actually call 911) - trust me, the cops would much rather come "for nothing because they find him gone" than come because they are pulling him off you (or worse).
Rara dear, I have a vision of dust bunnies hiding under the bed with you, wondering what Apparently Very Dangerous Rara Avis is doing hiding?
My now ex dared me to call 911 - dared until I did, then once he knew i would, never dared again.
My goal is to be strong enough to handle it - whatever IT becomes.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
