The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was able to get away for the weekend to visit a friend of mine. I enjoyed the stunning drive through the VA mountains. Was able to enjoy the time spent with my friend. Her daughter turned 8 and she has 2 babies under 2 plus a little boy so I went up to offer an extra set of hands for the weekend.
Before I left I got the questions regarding if I was going to cheat, and was I really going to see my friend J. I stayed calm, didn't react, stated for the 100th time who I was going to see and why I was going.
Got 2 incredibly sweet messages one on Friday night and one Saturday night.
I left at 6 yesterday morning to make sure that I was home by early afternoon so we could spend some time with each other. The afternoon was fine. He took his daughter back to her mom. I had fixed dinner and when he got home he didn't go right to eating. Instead he went outside to get high he went out the front door, around to the back, I didn't realize this and went to take the dog out only to hear him on the steps. Right before that I had gone to get a glass and staring me right in the face was the big 1/2 gallon bottle of whiskey.
This morning I went to get a glass and that bottle is gone, I refuse to look for it. I went to bed before 9 last night just to get away from him.
I know that this is a progressive disease. I know that he is destroying his mind and body. I know that I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't fix him. I know that I drove to work this morning crying and praying.
I have my next meeting tomorrow night, and I'm glad that I'm going. I know that my HP has me right where he wants me and I'm working on me. I know that I have to feel the feelings of hurt and disappointment but I also have to let go of them. I can't make him want to get better, I'm not his keeper, boss or warden. I can't make him want to give it up. I can only change me.
gosh- sounds like you are answering all your own questions- good for you. its not an easy road for sure- but it sounds like you are doing amazingly well at keeping your head. sometimes i think- its not our problems- its how we deal with them that counts. but theres no getting away from the fact that its a pretty tough issue- you are wise to stick to your program- good luck.
sending you love and support, you have a strong program and want to get better for yourself.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You are not alone Thanks for sharing your excellent use of program tools.
I am sorry for the sadness that this disease has caused you and I believe that your crying on your way to work was another sign of healing. I found that being able to cry was another gift of this program. It was something I had not permitted myself to do while living in the madness of alcoholism. Being able to feel feeling and express them is a true gift of this program.
Keep on sharing, being hoenst and attending those meetings
You are well on the way to finding your own Serenity, Courage and Wisdom.
Your post is so inspiring. You are surrendering and turning toward your source, the One that is all knowing and has your best interest in mind. There is no doubt that your HP has you in his hands to guide and direct you because you are open to it.
Sounds like you have reached a point I am looking to get to. It's encouraging for me...oh, and being a fellow control freak in transition, I know what you are saying about it being humbling!
oh boy have I driven to work in a haze of tears that many times it is not funny. I must look stoned when I walk in the door eyes all red and stuff. good thing I can close the door to my work space.
