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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> PTSD from previous assaults.
Post Info TOPIC: PTSD from previous assaults.
mannaguy


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PTSD from previous assaults.
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Hi. I've been having some severe panic attacks the past few days.

My GF of nine months 1st assaulted me back in March.Luckily I wasn't bruised or scarred and security at the bar wisely separated us and took her away.Shortly after I went to Alanon and it became apparent to me that she was not the only alcoholic I've ever had in my life (my father).

The 2nd time several months later she was not drunk but in a rage and it was much easier to diffuse,although she made devestaing theats,almost as if she was drunk.She tends to have severe anger/depression/mood-swings but started working on the drinking issues and her mental health shortly after.

Then in August she had the worst alcoholic rage I'd ever witnessed or been subjected to.She physically and emotionally abused me,threatened her own life as well.All I could do was to hold her at times to stop her from hitting me.

The next day she vowed to quit drink and she has not drunk in 9 weeks.

I have been in therapy for a number of years and have battled addiction myself.I am far from perfect,but I have been very understanding of her desire and courage to change.

Unfortunately now it is me who is having panic attacks and uncontrollable rages.My therapist was away for quite awhile after the last incident and I suppose everything has built up.

After my last rage at my GF I broke down in complete grief and begged her not to ever drink again,never to hurt me again.

Since then she has decided to break up with me as she feels abused now (verbally) by me. And I can see that I have done that and I feel terrible about it.Although in a horrible way I also feel justified or at least self-protective.

Since then I am trying to read/do/feel/claim responsibilty for my actions and tomorrow I will go to an Alanon meeting.

We did talk last night: I had been panicking that the break-up(me!) had sent her back to drinking.I told her this and that angered her(she was already still angry at my outbursts). I feel responsible & scared even when she says she's confident she will not drink.I've been on edge expecting disaster since she abused me before.

Anyways I just felt the need to get this off my chest and I am glad I found this online resource.

 

Thanks

 



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Lindaoakford


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Between Al Anon face to face, this board and your therapist, I hope you get through this time and find some peace.

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Jerry F


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Aloha Mannaguy and welcome to the board and to the Al-Anon Family Groups.   I do hope you go with the intentions...on the suggestion of getting in as many meetings as you can over the next 90 days.  It was suggest to me 90 in 90 and I got that done.  The value in that was that I got as much or more of the recovery sounds, thoughts and practices as I was getting from the disease of alcoholism without it.  I got balance and new insight and a program that has come to save my life...mind, body, spirit and emotions. 

I was also born in the disease...I did have a more marked amount of PTSD myself which came from living in the insanity and abuse of those from the alcoholic/addict original family and also from being married to the final alcoholic/addict who was instrumental in me finding Al-Anon.

Allowing the alcoholic/addict (disease) to abuse me was part of the enabling system I had constructed and not known about.  I enabled it to exist in my life and to get worse...it's not a moral issue; its about a disease of compulsion family wide.

Keep coming back...sit down, listen, learn, practice...practice...practice.

((((hugs)))) smile



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mannaguy


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Thank you very much all.I am going to go to as many meetings as possible this week.

M

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Breakingfree


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I am really glad to hear that you are going to attend face to face Al-anon meetings, that is where I found the best ESH and growth for myself. I am glad you found us here at MIP too! Keep coming back! I am sending you love and support on your journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
mannaguy


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Thanks much Breaking Free!



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pinkchip


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Mannaguy, Alanon should help....In the meanwhile, sounds like letting the relationship go for now might be good. It does not sound like you guys were a great match. Sometimes you think having similar issues will draw you closer to a person, but having the same issues really just makes you trip each other off.

Mark

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mannaguy


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Thanks Mark.good points: I know I often thought that after gradually seeing how bad her drinking problem was.That I shouldnt be with an addictive personality.Hits too close to home.

Id never been with any one with addiction problems before.When my prior relationships ended or during there was never even close the amount of drama & heartbreak.

And I even went thru a divorce 2 years ago.It was really tough but my ex-wife had no addictions or mental health issues.In fact I admire her even more than ever at the moment and we're getting along really well finally.

After reading some of "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" I suspect that my GF is somewhat BPD or alot!I had thought that months ago and then dropped the idea because she insisted and convinced me that she was not "controlling" or an 'alcoholic'..Even sober her mood changes are up & down fast and Ive never been able to catch up...

I've come to realize that even tho I have lots of issues to sort out and mainly a rage that comes out once in awhile that in this case with her my rage has been unconsciously retalitory.Seems like a contradiction in terms but what I mean is that it's never been intentional.

 

Thanks



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pinkchip


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I was thinking the borderline personality disorder thing too but was trying not to diagnose anyone new on here today lol. Yeah...the BPD thing is some serious drama and it's hard not to get sucked in until you are just another character in the ongoing production.

P.S. - A person with BPD almost never admits they have it. All of the personality disorders are "ego syntonic" meaning that the person does not think they have a problem and they see the problems as being everyone else. Hence, she is always going to say she isn't controlling...is not an angry person...blah blah. If you choose to stay with her, get used to drama.  Also, when I was referring to tripping each other off.  This means you are prone to reacting hypervigilantly to violence and emotionally volatile situations (PTSD) and she is prone to dishing that out.  Of course you are the one to decide if you want that in a relationship but that is not a great combo...



-- Edited by pinkchip on Monday 7th of November 2011 08:31:59 AM



-- Edited by pinkchip on Monday 7th of November 2011 08:32:10 AM

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mannaguy


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hard not to get sucked in until you are just another character in the ongoing production.

Mark thanks that gave me a chuckle.I know its hard not to hold back on the diagnosis when you hear this stuff.And sounds like you you know what you're talking about too.

Ive also come to the conclusion that my Mother is also 'quite' BPD and she has been in psychotherapy for years and is now a pyschotherapist herself.Although I will say she is very skilled at helping other people.When it comes to her own problems she reverts to "everyone else is to blame" mode.

Anyways this probably explains more and as you said: "prone to reacting hypervigilantly to violence and emotionally volatile situations (PTSD)"...the PTSD in my case goes all the way back to childhood with Mom.

Ya my GF is alot like her which is why it's been so damn difficult to leave.Im pretty sure any other guy with out my past issues would have rolled their eyes and said "later" after a month with her.

 

M



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tommyecat


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Mannaguy,

I am so glad you found us.  Welcome to MIP.  I do so hope you make it to an alanon face to face meeting.  They are so helpful to me when dealing with a loved one who is struggling with their disease.

What I would like to share with you that physical abuse of any kind is never o.k.   It is o.k. to take care of yourself and limit your exposure with her if you feel you need to do so. 

If you stick around awhile and attend face to face meetings I think you will find the tools of the program so helpful to you in your situation.  So, please join us and get to know us.  We here understand your problems as few others could.

In support,

T



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mannaguy


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tommyecat Im going tonight.

I did limit my eposure several times and broke up with her twice due to previous assault.

Then I made the decision later to stay no matter what:thats when the worst of it happened.after I fully committed to never leave again.

However its now my behaviour thats made her break with me.However Im not sure and may never know if its my left over anger that made her leave or just her fragility with trying to get sober..and needing space/time.

 

thanks



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