The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
so, my first time on a message board, but i have two small children and am up too early to make an outreach call. my husband is not sober but is functioning. his drinking is getting worse and is back to about every other day.so i am dealing with a hangover every other morning as well. thankful his drinking is after the rest of us are asleep, but i'm struggling with resentment and disbelief that this is actually happening again. i became comfortable with his managing to be a periodic drinker for the last several months...i'm tired (kids ages 2 and 5) and pissed off that I'm doing all this work while he sleeps it off again. thanks for listening.
Welcome to MIP So glad you found us and have been able to vent.
It is painful and isolating living with this disease. I do hope you will look up alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend. We who live or have lived with this disease truly understand. Break the isolation, develop new tools to live by and you to can live with Courage serenity and wisdom even if he continues on this path
Thanks Betty! I am so thrilled to have found this site. I have been a very grateful member or Al Anon (thankfully!) for almost exactly a year. This site is really going to help me during those early morning hours when my sponser is still asleep :) Thanks for your kindness, and yes, I WILL keep coming back!
Hi danni! I'm so glad you found us! You are in the right place. You are living with someone who's drinking is makiing YOU'RE life a nightmare. My advice to you is to truly listen to what the folks on here have to say in the posts that will follow. There are some very wise people out there who can help you if you follow their advice. And then there are people like me who, like you, are still stumbling along, trying to find our way through. You say his drinking is getting worse, has he had problems before? Again, so glad you're here!
Denise
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
Thanks Denise, he has had drinking problems before, but he has never admitted he is an alcoholic or gone to an AA meeting. It has been confusing because of the sober periods and times when the drinking was managed, but it always seems to get worse and then better and then worse...it took me a long time to realize that he really does has a problem, and that my life and reactions were out of control. I'm learning to release my expectations and allow him the dignity to make his own choices and place the focus on myself. Phew. It is exhausting sometimes. Thanks so much for your welcome and support! This site is amazing.
Hi danni and welcome to MIP. You'll find a lot of comfort, warmth and wise words from people who relate to what you're going through - and I've found that only people who've been there can really understand. I also have a small child and understand the frustration when your partner doesn't pull his weight as a parent because of his drinking. Yes, detachment is very hard - it's something I am still struggling with, with my AH, even though we're separated. But it's been getting a little easier day by day since I've discovered Alanon. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Aloha Danni and welcome to the board also...I remember a sponsor bringing me to the awareness that although I thought my situation was intolerable how would it seem if I was also waking up with a hangover. My alcoholic/addict wife use to do her self in tremendously and while all I had then were my reactions my sponsorship taught me understanding about the disease of compulsive addiction and empathy. Once there it would make me feel bad with her to be in that condition not wanting to. There is sooo much to learn and I hope you keep coming back...Congradulations on the time you have put in up to now...Keep working it. ((((hugs))))
welcome to the boards, I hope you will keep coming back and sharing. My AH is also the binge drinker vs every day drinker. 1 is to many and 100 is not enough, not even close. I was ok with the drinking for many years until I figured out it wasn't how often he drank (not daily, weekly or even monthly), it was what happened WHEN he drank and how much he drank during those times that started to weigh on me. We have two children as well 7 and 12. The last mishap wound up being a 3rd DUI (technically, somehow it's being counted as his 2nd). He is working on closing the books on it a chapter at a time. I give him a lot of credit this year has not been an easy one on him. He is ready to close the books on this year and move into 2011. Ironically, it was not easy on me either (I had to do ALL of the driving until the last month) however compared to last year and the year before I am so grateful for the past year. Something I was sharing with an alanon sister tonight was as much as I was ready to close the books on 2010 last year I have fully enjoyed 2011 with all of the colors it came with, 2012 thanks to alanon and the MIP boards is something to look forward to.
Sending you love and support, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Wow. I cannot thank you al enough for your insight, support, and personal experiences. I am so grateful to have discovered this site! Now I have a place to go when my two little ones and I are awake, and I'm trying not to wonder what condition my husband will be in when he wakes up. His drinking happens at night after the children and I go to sleep, so my mornings have become a little lonely and frightening. I'm thrilled to be able to add this site as part of my process of recovery. Thanks again!
That is what I did with my first son when I was up early or up late because I could not sleep I would sign on here and start posting. It is amazing what a wonderful gift this is when my head was spinning.
So, keep posting and reading. It always lightened my load.
I completely relate to what you are going through. I've spent nights awake while my husband was out drinking....And still had to get up with my son early in the morning while husband was in bed to drunk to ever possibly wake up. I just got to the point that I realized I was taking time and energy away from my son by worrying about the husband. Obviously, my husband wasn't giving his family a second thought while he was out drinking. Now, I am thankful to be there when my son wakes up. I can easily wake up with him....He needs that. I try my best not to worry about what anyone else does. I be the best parent that I can, because that's what my child deserves. It takes so much effort sometimes to do these things, but I never regret being there when my child needs me. My husband is the one missing out, but I can't fix it for him. I'm still struggling with what the future holds, but I just keep trying to move in the right direction. i have faith that I'll end up where I am meant to me. Hugs to you....
KimK, I am blown away by your post. I really feel like every word could have been written by me as well. Thank you so much! It means so much to feel connected and understood and not alone. Your words are the words that I try to keep in mind every morning when I smell last night's booze in the air (this morning no exception). Reading them from you gave me more strenth and focus and softened my sharp edges. To feel so related to and to relate to someone else's share so closely is very powerful for me. I am so very grateful. Hugs to you as well. Thanks for all the shares.
