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This is just a needed rant, and I'm afraid not helpful to anyone, unless you need to hear another story to make yourself feel not alone in this craziness! I thank this forum for providing this outlet!
On advice I went to a police station to file a report on my ex RA, but was convinced to file an EPO [ emergency protection order ] which was granted. I have to emphasize that I've never been threatened by my ex, this move does seem over the top, however as he has not seemed mentally stable a police officer told me getting an EPO would be the thing to do. I am sure my ex RA is pissed off over the top and I am embroiled in stress, fear, and wondering if/when he will contest this and take me to court.
Over the past few weeks, I have: arranged an intervention of sorts with his friends, asked him to move out, left for 3 weeks for him to move out, ordered him to move out, separated and packed his stuff, found and hired movers, found, secured, and paid for storage, certified mailed the key, changed the lock when it seemed he didn't get it, got a new lock and key and hired messengers to deliver it, sent him info via email and on the phone once as to where the unit was, sent the key to a friend of his, told him no contact for thirty days, told him again no contact for a long time, called around for lawyers, arranged to move his plants, printed his emails and notes and copied them, went to the police station for advice, went to the police station to file a report, got an EPO, made an appt. w/a lawyer today, have 7 days to file a permanent restraining order, and am looking for a lawyer if/when he takes me into court to contest this order and/or when he tries to file criminal charges against me for 'illegally evicting him'. I have also paid his rent and all but the phone bill for 1.5 yrs.
He complained he had to drive 30 minutes out of his way to pick up his storage key. There are two texts from him on my old phone and it's turning my stomach into knots.
Serenity is out the window. I am exhausted, furious, and scared. I just want my life back. ' Sick' or not I have no compassion anymore. I want to be left in peace. Good god what does it take to get rid of this jackass.
Thank you everyone for listening!!! Building serenity one step at a time...
I should not be laughing except for your last sentence, I have uttered myself recently and it tickled my funny bone. Keep taking care of yourself and it sounds like you are protecting yourself. I am sorry that you are having to go through this and I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
So sorry you are dealing with this right now. I agree with BF .. I saw the last line and my hand went to my mouth to keep from smiling. I so understand your frustration.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I had a long drawn out goodbye to the ex A. Some of it involved paying his rent for months and all his household bills too. He was still absolutely livid. Needless to say when I cut it off he claimed abuse. I also put his stuff in storage and it was all I could do to get him to come and get it. That was one of the last times I saw him. My stop gap caring for his dog has turned into a 4 year odyssey. I love his dog but I didn't plan on taking her.
Sometimes these things take a while. I know I became clearer and clearer the more I went through the process that it was indeed absolutely over for me.
This is a long drawn out process for you isn't it. You are doing all this stuff and he just doesn't getit. Remember he is living in his head and all he sees is that he has been kicked out and you moved all his stuff now you are putting a restraining order on him. That is all he sees.
He sees nothing wrong with having pooped on your floor, it was an honest mistake that just slipped out!!!! He didn't get around to cleaning it up. Woopsies.
Everything you are doing to get rid of this person is in your own best interests. What about this... everytime you have to do something to get rid of him... you are one step closer to actually getting rid of him..... That is a good thing to celebrate isn't it????? woohoo.. bring on the next step to do. EAch door is a door closer to closure
Hi Rara ~ Hang in there! I hope you will continue to take those steps necessary to keep yourself safe and taking care of whatever serenity you can muster at a time like this. You have been through a wringer lately, but I imagine your life in another year could be so much better with all the positive changes you are making for yourself. And you know, even the rants on this board are helpful!
(((Rara))) My gosh, no wonder you're exhausted, furious and scared. I felt that way just reading your post. I can't imagine how worn out you must be. I like what Linda said, every step is "one step closer to actually getting rid of him.". You're getting there, just keep your eye on the prize. And try to get some rest, you're wearing me out!
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
Thank you everybody! Wow, I didn't expect so many folks to read it. Yes I am [ hopefully! ] taking a day off from all this nonsense today.
There is definitely laughter. The EPO may or may not have been delivered, which is relevant to the following: I was talking to one of those charity lawyers yesterday [ you know, first 30 min for a donation ], we're discussing yay or nay on a longer term restraining order, the 30 minutes are allllmost up, I'm almost out of there. Then my old phone goes, " BEEP BOOP BEEP". It's a text from my ex RA.
I've never seen an attorney slap his own head before.
I have to say there were 3 texts, none at all threatening, and no emails. Still, if ex RA has the EPO, that is an arrestible offense. I ended up retaining the lawyer to help me w/the next step in the restraining order process.
It sucks, and there goes my bank account :( but we were laughing. The timing on that text was impeccable.
I have to say it again: Good GOD, what does it TAKE to get RID of this JACKASS?!
Here's to laughter despite everything, you guys. Take Care! rara avis
I'm having a Homer Simpson moment of "D'OH!!" Reading about him texting you. WOW!! Well, as they say .. timing IS everything .. LOL. :)
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
what i would like to know is- how will he find the time to keep appointments to contest legal issues in between his drinking? will he remain sober for an appointment and then arrange to pick up his alcoholism after that appointment. he is completely driven by drink and is often out of his brains drunk and you think he is going to take you on in court? its his mess- youve pushed it back onto him- which is where it should be and now you are moving on- its taking a bit of agro and time but you are getting there- you have a right t your serenity and its there for you- yu dont have to b sucked into his wacky world. you are thinking of all this possible agro- such as legal contest claims- and he hasnt done anything yet.....you cant worry about a projected- suspected problem- because its just getting worked up over stuff you probably dont need to be. dont worry that he is going to suck you under- because he isnt. you are stepping out into recovery- stop looking back. dont get sucked back into it. the trick i feel- is to not let them suck you into their madness- in plain speaking. thats the crux of it. you are lucky it isnt your mum- or your dad- as you really are in a quandry then- you have the double whammy of detaching and self preservation yet they are your parent- so it rips you in all directions. you are nearly there ra ra- have done so well- dont waver now- get that kettle on- deep breath and think about positive plans and the future.
