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Hola all! Tonight marked yet another step forward in my recovery - came home to my husband somewhat drunk and I just did my thing. I basically disregarded his acting out and went about making dinner and watching tv. He made a huge mess in the kitchen - I did my own dishes and left his for him to deal with. He tried to suck me into an argument but I stayed out of it. He went to bed and locked me out of our bedroom, then started banging on the walls and trying to get me to ask him what's wrong or even what he wanted. Eventually be fell asleep. I dont even feel guilty about my detachment - I'm FINE. Such a drastic change since this time last year! Tha I you so much for this program, your kind thoughtfulness and for the miracle of Al Anon!
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--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
their behavior is chaotic, inciteful, and disrespectful.... it often takes all our learnings, tolerance, and faith, to practice what you have just shared tonight..... kudos to you...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Nice! I can hear the freedom in your words and the way you handled that situation. You decided to detach and not let his actions affect your happiness and serenity. There's a lot of strength in that post and you inspire me! Thanks for sharing :) Doozy
good for you- not getting sucked into arguments is a really good thing- this is what they want- so they can vent all their frustrations and anger out on yu- which is wrong- your partner will also start to learn (slowly-lol) that it doesnt work and may stop doing it so much (lets hope). its really hard to see the wood for the trees when youve got someone trying to steer your emotions in this way im so glad yu are starting to see through the fog and getting some clarity- this is gold dustXXX
Thank you for your share!!! You are working such a great program and YES to knowing what doesn't work!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Patience, love and tolerance are spiritual principals that are hard to live by sometimes. You did a great job last night. I remember the first time the program worked for me in a similar situation. It is a good feeling.
Thanks everyone. Of course, he's drinking again this morning and I'm just about tapped out of energy. It's all I can do right now to not get in a cab, go home and scream at him until I have no voice left. But I know that's obviously not good for anyone. He keeps calling me telling me that he's not drinking, that he can't wait to talk to me face to face (about what, I have no idea) and it's getting on my last nerve. I'm actually envisioning in my imagination me punching and smacking him. Of course I'm not going to do that. But I want to be HEARD, for crying out loud. Serenity prayer, friends - that's what it's all about today.
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
I So Know that Roller Coaster You Are Gliding On... Your Story reminds me of my own, and as Hard as it was to learn, I found that if I was still Recieving the Text Messages & phone Calls during work, it was time to DETACH from my Phone... I Called Even My Kids School and told them My Emergancy # thru the Day was My Work # and other then that ALL Other Calls were Left till after work... It Helped Me MAJORLY... At First My AFamily thought I was Kinding so they called any way, The Way I See it, They are ALL Adults that Can Get by till I Earn My Keep... If I Can't Focus at Work then I am Not Doing my Job... And Let Me Tell You, It Worked... Thier "Emergancy" ended up being Hang Ups that Could Wait, and when & If I Would Return a Call 1/2 the time they didn't know what they called about... So It Saved me the Drama..
This Program has So Many Wonderful Tools that can be Used to Help each of us in Everyday life, I am Amazed Daily, at how something as Simple as the "Serenity Prayer" can Keep me from Knockin the H#ll out of One Of My Alcoholics/Addicts in my Family... But it Works... How "Let Go & Let God" Reminds me that Somethings I don't HAVE to Deal with, They are Not Mine to Own.. Or Even "Live & Let Live" For Me Learning that it wasn't my Job to Wonder why my A's were Pouting, and it wasn't my job to find out what was bothering them if i truly didn't want to listen to More Whinning. And that I Could Live My Life, and Walk out of a Room ANYTIME I Wanted. Wether it was Ok for them or Not... This Program taught me how to "Say What I Mean, Mean what a Say, But Don't Say it Mean"... And I Can't Do that when i am "Reacting" to my A's... I Honestly do A Ton more Thinking before I Speak and it is because that Saying Reminds me, I don't have to stupe to the level of Ignorace to be Heard, and if I do.. It isn't worth the Conversation...
You Showed "AMAZING" Recovery, I am Always Happy to Come Here and See People Growing & Embracing the Love, ESH & Understanding that I Have Found Here.. These Road are Never Smooth in this Disease, but that is why I have been Blessed with "One Day at a Time" That is all I have found that is within reach for me sometimes, but some how Always Seems to be Enough...
Keep Coming back, & Keep the Faith In Yourself... You Can Do It... & Your Worth It....
Please Take what you LIke & Leave the Rest... Friends in Recovery
Thanks again - I'm calmed down and relaxed, as I knew I would. I just felt that "red haze" coming over me and needed to share it somehow to avoid having a serious meltdown. On top of it, I put it into perspective and realized that while this was going on, something else at work was happening that I needed to take advantage of. A coworker is leaving the firm and leaving an office with a window vacant. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I didn't hesitate to approach my boss to inquire as to whether or not I could have the office. It would be a great improvement over the small room I now occupy and surprise surprise - the room will probably be mine next weekend! Man, I truly love this program - I'm becoming so much more aware of myself, my needs and my comfort. I've gotten over being angry at my husband from earlier today and now have something to look forward to.
Gonna keep on truckin'!
__________________
--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
