The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow, was just reminded I can never get too comfortable. Things have been going pretty well lately. Came home tonight and BAM! A few days ago my AH said something I did was 'stupid', I ignored it at the time, but today what he said I was stupid for worked out, I made the mistake of saying "and you said I was stupid". Boy wrong thing to say. He blew up at me, I NEVER CALLED YOU STUPID, how dare you, etc. etc. He ended up storming out of the house, peeling off down the street.
Now I know this had nothing to do with the stupid comment, it probably means he was doing something today while I was at work that he feels guilty about, and this is that inner guilt/rage coming out. The good news is I'm not going to go looking for whatever it is he did, old me would have. I know at this point that he obviously feels bad about something, the what isn't really important any more (drugs, drink, videos, contact from old flame, etc.)
Feeling very low. Thought he was getting better, thought we were getting better. How wrong, how wrong. I thought he understood my boundaries at this point, he obviously cannot control himself. I don't know what to do, don't know what I'm going to do. Feeling so low I can't describe.
I swear I know I know I know what you are soooo talking about. I go through what you have described, just for different reasons. Hearing something my AH will say that is such a dry drunk thing and I think UGH .. we are back to the beginning.
Then I look at where we were and more specifically where I was and how far I have come. That's a good thing. YOU are getting better, it was a moment of reality that was faced and acknowledged just don't give up.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Take care of yourself in the moment, hot bath, long walk, great movie, good Al-anon book and try to relax. These are the moments when the rubber meets the road with our program at work. Do you have a sponsor or a meeting you could catch? I am glad you came here and posted. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I appreciate this post as a reminder that the winds of life are ALWAYS going to blow.... it's up to me to set my sails. I don't know how else to do that today, but to keep spiritually fit. I never had a Guide for Living until I discovered al-anon.... now I do.
I hope you feel better soon. When I feel shaken, I go to more meetings than usual because I only get a daily reprieve based on my spiritual fitness. The meetings do that for me, connecting with the fellowship help me to feel the love that went missing in my alcoholic relationship.... I need a more rock solid foundation for my well-being... ((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I can definately tell my program is working for me. I spent the evening reading my Alanon literature, praying, watching my favorite t.v. show and surprisingly was able to sleep. That would NEVER have happened 6 months ago. When he finally did come home I didn't say a word, waited for him to come to me, he said he overreacted and realizes it. All I said was 'yes you did', old me would have said 'it's okay' but it's not okay and I don't say things like that anymore
Thank you all for your support, despite my situation being the same I am far better off than I have been due to Alanon and these message boards. Hugs to all. It is going to be a good day.
I have discovered that everyone is entitled to their own emotions. Anger discord, guilt, shame, etc. I am not responsible for that. I am only responsible for mine. What I do is give them their own space to unwind. I do not try to make their life better. Rather I keep the focus on myself and let them sit in their stuff so that they can self regulate.
You did a great job keeping the focus on yourself and having a good evening despite what happened. Good for you!
