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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> 3 months
Post Info TOPIC: 3 months
Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 741
Date:
3 months
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I have been here 3 months, on the ACoA board a little longer than that. 

I have come here every day for 3 months.  Several times a day and sometimes it is open all day (at work naughty me).

I have read, I have 'listened', I have private messaged.  I have been happy, sad, crying and angry and laughing.  No matter what the person said, if I believed it, liked it or otherwise...... I 'listened'. 

I have asked and clarified and annoyed at times I am sure.  I have been told to 'get over it', 'he isn't doing anything wrong', 'it could be worse'.  I have also been told "we are here for you", "I know what you mean", "hugs", and so many slogans and how they work.

I have bought self help books, I have an appt for a new psychologist, I have started Tai Chi and I have been to a spiritual healer twice. 

The last three months have been an incredible journey.

I am not perfect.  I still check up on him, but compared to two or three  times a day and weighing his stash... it is only maybe at a push.. once a week with no weighing or writing the number of times in my diary (with colour codes for honestly or betrayal etc etc).  When the drive hits me I can feel such a difference in my thinking now.  Honestly and truthfully I think... I don't want to be hurt, if I look and I find something.. that is gonna hurt.  He is smoking, lets leave it at that.  Why do I want to do that to myself and put my mind in that pit of despair.  It stops me many many a time, sometimes I give in.  Who knows why.

For the very first time in 12 months, I booked to go to a show without considering the first instinct "I can't go, he will stay home alone and smoke".  I went out the other morning and came home to him stoned.  I knew if I was home he wouldn't have smoked.. but gee I enjoyed where I was as  opposed to being home to ensure he doesn't smoke.

I feel my insides have unravelled just a little bit, and my mind has opened just a little bit more and I smile more often than I did.  I can have a conversation other than his smoking habits with my close friends.  We still have doozy's of arguments (Hi Doozy, sorry about the reference, no reflection honestly) and we still have times when we can't see eye to eye.  Most of our arguments are about his smoking and my attitude toward it.  The latest thing I grappled with is his thinking I had changed my attitude and it was ok to smoke now cos I hadn't said anything for a while.  I was just astonished and couldn't say anything.  They will twist anything to validate thier using won't they.

It is such small little steps.  Baby steps.  Slowly slowly catch the monkey.

Heres to the next three months.



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Linda - a work in progress
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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His choosing to smoke more or less whatever again is none of my business.

Its not my job to be upset or not upset. If he drops a towel on the floor and picks it up it is none of my business.

His stuff is his stuff. hug and great progress!

love,deb



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
rosielee


Senior Member

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it does sound like yu are in a much better head space- although im no expert on these things.
weighing his stash? ...im so glad you are not doing that any more......what a waste of energy and time. its also like watching a horror movie knowing its going to upset up but doing it all the same. and being in that position where you are someones over seer and minder...thats nothing short of a nightmare.
though its easy for me to say these things- looking on the outside...im sure it gets everyone that way- makes them obsessive.

its so much intense energy in trying to make someone stop a habit- if you put all of that energy into something else...you could have had three PHD's by now...LOL.

i dont mean that in a demeaning way. but did all of that energy get you anywhere? not really, so you just aswell give up...on the giving up.

that said you still have my sympathy as i bet you hate the pot- the look of it- the smell of it and what person he becomes on it- and thats not nice.

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rosie
youfoundme


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Great awareness and share :) Keep coming !!! HUGS

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Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
tommyecat


~*Service Worker*~

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Its progress not perfection and you have made quite a few steps forward.  That is something to be proud of.



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Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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Keep on moving forward Linda, it will continue to get better. Great job on your healing :) Progress is progress, baby steps, steps forwards and sometimes taking a step backwards is such validation to how far the journey has come and how far it has to go. Can you imagine 90 days ago you would be where you are right this second? :)

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jackie11


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When you look and see how far you have come, and want to continue to move forward further, that is progress!!! Hugs!!!



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pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 5663
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You have come quite a ways in 3 months. (handing you a 3 month chip in my mind and clapping)!

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rrib


Senior Member

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Posts: 256
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Congratz on sticking it out. Feels good not the hurt all the time ..



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GailMichelle


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Nice to read about your progress, even nicer that you realize that you're growing. 



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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 741
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Thanks guys
And thanks for the chip Mark... I am imagining that it is a nice deep purple colour with a little hole in the middle for me to put in a necklace or something.... oh it is also nice and shiney and has a picture of a frangipani on one side.

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Linda - a work in progress
rrib


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 256
Date:
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http://recoverygreetings.net/greetings/index.php?step=sendcard&ec_id=235



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Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 741
Date:
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Hey!!!!!

How cool is that!!!! Thanks heaps.... love the butterfly

 



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Linda - a work in progress
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