How do you take care of yourself - Al-Anon Family Group

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

How do you take care of yourself

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't have answers at the moment but had the same exact thoughts today and yes there were tears.

one good thing I thought of was my ex A always hated holidays, resented the money spent on presents and always had a baaa humm bug attitude toward parties... as slim as the events may be this year the attitude I take toward them will be entirely up to me without wishing so badly I could share the christmas joy with the one I love, I can choose to share it with strangers I meet along the way or passing friends or maybe family.. so that is one good thing. I also was feeling so hurt that it dawned on me if he had endured this much hurt about wanting something to be a happy loving time and it not turning out to be so that eventually a "default" mechanism might take over to just hate all times when loving feelings are known to be openly expressed... of course that may be over analyizing but made me want to make sure I don't turn out that way so even if I have to "fake it till I make it" a little this year I am determined not to fall into the baa hum bug habit myslelf and miss the joy or worse heaven forbid bring anyone else down... I'll try and ask my higher power to show me what he wants me to see this holiday season, I'll make it a celebration of his love and guideance in my life as best I can.

As far as boyfriends I have found the oddest thing,,, everyone I meet seems undesireable to me... because my brain still thinks I want to fix the ex-A and then that will be utopia... ugh that brain of mine.... just throwing that out there, I still need time or a major attitude adjusment or both((smile)).

When I think of something more I will be sure to let you know in the meantime. ....

((((hugs)))), many many (((hugs))) being sent your way.

-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 1st of November 2011 08:29:00 PM

-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 1st of November 2011 08:33:53 PM

-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 1st of November 2011 08:43:53 PM

rosielee · Senior Member

it sounds.may i be so bold as to say- that you are in yur early days of recovery and you are just starting to catch up with the things youve neglected- like dental and health issues. This was my first start too. I also hankered after a relationship but i look back and think- thank goodness i didnt get one as i really needed to see to myself- gets trong- empowered and independant.

financial situation is still the same for me- now my son is old enough for me to do more things thers a great big bloomin recession on . doh.
what about volunteer work?
ha ha ha- only joking....im thinking about joining the local amateur dramatics.....i need to do something- even if you find one activity to do a week- i think thats probably enough right now.

i think in terms of dating...i think yu really have to be determined- by the sunds of it- and put effort into it- like join an agency or do internet dating, and that makes me realise i dont want it at the moment. but im guessing- based on my years of celibacy- that you have to make the effort and go and find love as it doesnt come to your doorstep. although for some i know it has. maybe some of us are just better off on our own for a while?

rosielee · Senior Member

oh- yes- i forgot to say...if yu find some friends (some sober ones-lol) then that will reduce the need for a relationship maybe? friends are good and so healing in your life.

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

oh and what about making new memories to replace the old...even if they are very small just some new memory we can say we started in 2011?

What is your favorite Christmas song?

I have many one is "I want a hippopotomus for Christmas" it's so old the recordings ususally sound 'scratched"....

-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 1st of November 2011 08:40:10 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I make every attempt to do for me what I would suggest others do for themselves under similar circumstances including taking life a whole lot less serious all the time. I am also an orchid lover infact plants of all kinds and I talk to them and tell my HP that I am grateful for the gift of them and their beauty. My Red Jade just went thru a blooming gush and I was blessed with radiant red glory and my minature red orchids just doubled their blooms and that takes my mind and my spirit into grand areas of life and emotions. I have many forms of animals on my property from Madagascar Lizards to Chameleons and birds and butterflies and my two pups Chloe and Sadie and we all get together in one big happy family. My problems don't add up to much cause my Higher Power deals with them first and then gives them back if there is anything I really need to add to the mix...sometimes yes and sometimes there's nothing to do remaining.

I can worry if I want to or just not...like my elder sponsor told me about making decisions...."sure you can get involved in it...but should you?" The last part requires thought and investigation.

Once in counseling I was asked the questions, "How do you suppose it would feel like to be loved by you?" I started to cry. I wanted my alcoholic/addict to love me like I loved her and it wasn't happening and so my sponsor taught me to love me as I loved another. Doesn't that sound soooo ancient and proverbial? "...and your neighbor as yourself?"

Today I take care of my mind, body, spirit and emotions unconditionally just as I would if I did it for you. That's how.

Just for Today I will not be afraid....(got the Just for Today Pamphlet?)

(((((hugs))))) smile

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

We were talking about loneliness at our meetings and how we have to make choices in isolating and how to stop isolating and be more present. I like the idea of making new holiday traditions whatever those are with those people in my life and if there is no one in my life finding other ways to be fulfilled. The bottom line is it DOES come back to me and choices that I make. I can isolate or I can reach for the phone and stop the isolation.

C2C has a wonderful read on May 11th, it's page 132 about loneliness. The old cliche of being our own best friend truly does apply and knowing that our HP is always with us means we are never alone.

Hugs P :)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I will be alone for Christmas and I am still making a dinner with all the fixings and watching the Christmas Story on the t.v. and I will be just fine about it. I will invite over my elderly lady neighbor and maybe see who else I can scrounge up. I am glad to hear you are making good changes in your life Maresie! I am sending you love and support on your journey!!!!

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I take care of myself by putting God first, me second, and everyone else third. I have come to learn through the program that if I don't take care of myself first, I am no good to others. It took a long time to relax into that idea beacuse I thought it was selfish and self centered. The truth is if I don't practice self care, I am no good to others and my character defects are in full force.

Self care for me today is eating healthy not skipping meals, exercising, prayer and meditation, quiet time where I do absolutely nothing sitting in peace even if its for 5 minutes, go to meetings, and be of service to others because I get when I give.

Those things help keep me on the top of the list where I can be of service to others when I have been in service to myself first.

T

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

I wouldn't exactly say I am in early days of recovery. I think I've been on this Board for over 5 years for sure. I was in therapy for a long long time.

I guess it depends on where you start from.

Thank you all so much for not telling me to volunteer somewhere!!!!

As I work at a movie theater part time (one night a week) I can go to the movies on both holidays and that can take up quite a bit of time. I will not be preparing the fixings. Of course I would love to have someone invite me over but I am not looking for it. In theory I can go to lots of gatherings around....practically after working retail I will need to rest and get as much of it as I can!

Living in an non-a environment is very interesting. I have not done that for over 10 years! There is no drama, no noise, no boundary violations, no

fear. That is a huge boost to my health.

For me the health issues come down to this: money. I can barely get my prescriptions every month. The double bind with going to get services is most of them are during the day. The working poor get left out on so many things. In theory I can get a mammogram for free and a breast exam its just finding the time to do that when I work 7 days a week.

There is also the issue of priorities. What to do first. My cat has been ill. I have to take her to the vet on my one or two days off. My dog needs her vaccination or I will get fined. Somehow my health stuff always gets put on the back burner.

In theory I am making more money now and once I get out of debt (which will be in a few months) I can look to going to the dentist and getting all my health screenings cleared up. Just when that will be of course is a hard one.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.