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Hello MIP ;0) I know its been a while, but it is def, the time of the change of Seasons for me... Some Good =) Some Not so Much :'(
My Son ended his Soccer Outdoor Season, and we are about to begin our Soccer Indoor season, which isn't near the hassle, its only 1 day a week, and tho I signed in as Coach, I have true Faith in our Boys they will do just fine...
Funny how when I look back at my own childhood growing up IN the disease I would have never guessed that it "Didn't" have to be "That" way... That I Can Make my Life better Just by showing up and taking the reins, and allowing HP to Stear...
I Remember always Asking My "Misunderstood God" as a Child... "WHY ME!" Why did I have to have it so bad? Why did My Afather have to be Who he was? and Why did my Mom always have to CODY the Life Out of my Abrother? Why was I handed the Poor Hand?
Now I believe I Know the anwser to Most of those Questions, and I have Learned to be Accepting, and at times, quite Proud of my Past... That I Survived... Never Unscaved, but polished a touch...
My Life has been so Much Fuller lately... I can Sit on my Porch and get just as much enjoyment from that as Bouncin my Grandbaby on my Knee... Yesterday I had another one of my 'Done Doin for the ABrother, and his Drama" Moments, and I Stood up for myself and I was Quite proud really... I Tend to get so Angry sometimes at the way he runs his life that I GIVE HIM My Power.And tho I Know that it is NON of My Business how He Runs it, when it Effects Me or trickles to my son, I tend to Find My Power Again..And I think the Way I Handled it was Very Adult, and Unaccussing, or Mean... But I did good, I Stood my Own, and even tho he was ticked at me, and I did have a "Sliver" of Giult for his Kids, I STILL Took Care of ME 1st... He Pouted, and Cried around to Mom, but she knew I had enough, and the "Cody" that she is, she stopped by today to make sure I wasn't "Mad" at her...lol... Had nothing at all to do with her, but she can't stand "Thinkin" I'm Upset with her...
So Progress...
Also This Past week, made One year since I had a Drink... And I have to say again, I'm quite Proud of myself.. The ONLY time I gave up drinkin in my LIFE since 12... was when I was Prego with my Son, and for me to do it on shear Will Power & with HP... For Me ... Thats Something... When I 1st quit I often Wondered if My AFather would be Proud of Me for it, or if he would act like the rest of my family and think I had some Disease that was contagous... My Siblings Now see me as Someone Else, Something Else, because I Chose Not to Drink... It humors me at times, when I See how they act when everyone is drinkin but me, and in my family... THere is ALOT of Drinking, ALOT of the times...Every Event...
It took going thru this, for 1 year, to prove Souly to ME! that I Could do it.. And now that it is done, I know longer feel the need to count the days, however I do feel the need to get back to living a life I can be proud of, and being a person I can be proud.. Since I Quit drinking I have packed on an extra 15lbs, (Never Realized How much my Evenning Wine Kept me out of the Candy Bowl) ... Now I Do... So Next Addiction... FOOD... Or at least a healthier way to go about it...
Its Funny how when I drop one Addiction/Habbit, there is ALWAYS another one.. Waiting Secretly to steal my obsessions... it was the same when I Quit Smoking Cigs, 11 years ago... I then became a Collector of ANYTHING because I bought myself something each month for the amount of money I was Waisting on Smokes...(Waistful I know) Now I have a Crap load of things in Boxes, that have no Use or Value really to me, but they do suck up space in my attic...Time to Declutter My Life ... New Beginnings...
Since i got here, to this program almost 3 years ago... I have learned so much about the Who and How of ME... Things I Never seen before or just kept hiden in order to bary or forget them... As Most would know, I don't forget, they usually just Fester and Rot till I give them the time they deserve... I have been on an Up & Down Roller Coaster when it comes to my Recovery, Sometimes Back Sliding Only to Find, that I NEEDED to Learn it Again... I NEEDED to Back Slide in order to Grasp the vast of it all...
Made My Meeting the other night and spent another hour after the meeting with an Al-anon friend of mine, and we talked and Froze and Cried, and Laughed and when I got home I knew that HP kept us there in that parking lot because Not only did I NEED to hear what was going on with them, and their ESH, they as well.. Thanked me for mine...
The Week Before I Spent an Entire Saturday with 2 Dear Sweet ladys from my group, and we had the Best Day.. Went to a Fall Fest, went out to eat a acouple times, and just Enjoyed the day, it was almost so Nice I Wanted to Feel Guilty for having such a great time... We Started at 9am and I got home a little after 10 so it was a GREAT DAY ... Just being in the Company of my Program Family seems to bring Joy & Fulfillment to my life...
So there is My Update ;0) I'm still Hangin in and Keeping all you wonderful peeps in my Prayers, just really trying to get somethings done before the Dread of my Winter Blues Kicks in.. Hopeing that HP will help Guide my Thoughts elsewhere when I am trapped indoors most of the winter... I have lined up some Fun days so I am Hoping that will help..
Have an Al-Anon/AA Convenstion coming to my town here in about 2 weeks... its a 3 day event, and I Don't stay i Drive back in forth, but it is still a Very Amazing 3 days, and well worth giving up my 'Sleep In" days to get there :0)
Thank you all for being such a Blessing in my Recovery, and for Accepting me as I am, One Crazy day At a Time... :0) Currently Loving Life, on Life's Terms, and Counting my Blessing everyday... the HP Way... Not Mine... he Can, I Can't, I think I'll Let him
I can very much identify with the 'why me" part. I also know that I now see how my childhood and recovering from it has made me who I am. I would not relish it. I think I have finally got to the point of saying I did not get this and stop craving it from dysfunctional people.
My family are either codependent/drunk or both. My younger sister is both a co dependent and an alcoholic and she doesn't much like my recovery. I can let that go these days. Some of why I can is that I really have no expectations from her.
I have not touched any alcohol now for years. I can't say I am an alcoholic but I make bad decisons when I drink. I have never been one who couldn't stop. I also know it lends me the opportunity to be around alcoholics and tolerate them wheras when I don't drink I am not too keen on being around them.
I don't flaunt that I don't drink but I am amused when a recovering addict/alcoholic thinks the only reason I would stop could be I'm an alcoholic. I am no longer going to give a reason why I don't drink....
Thanks so much for your shares!! Keep working that program of yours :)
Thank you for being here, P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am so glad you posted. I would love to see your posts on the board more often as I get so much from them. Thanks for sharing your progress as I love to see your growth on the board.
Since i got here, to this program almost 3 years ago... I have learned so much about the Who and How of ME... Things I Never seen before or just kept hiden in order to bary or forget them... As Most would know, I don't forget, they usually just Fester and Rot till I give them the time they deserve... I have been on an Up & Down Roller Coaster when it comes to my Recovery, Sometimes Back Sliding Only to Find, that I NEEDED to Learn it Again... I NEEDED to Back Slide in order to Grasp the vast of it all...
Made My Meeting the other night and spent another hour after the meeting with an Al-anon friend of mine, and we talked and Froze and Cried, and Laughed and when I got home I knew that HP kept us there in that parking lot because Not only did I NEED to hear what was going on with them, and their ESH, they as well.. Thanked me for mine...
Jozie
Dear Jozie Powerful, beautiful message Has it been 3 years already?
Seems like only yesterday. Congrats on your 1 year alcohol free year and bless you for your honest, loving compassionate soul.
