The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Both of the A's in my life went into their "victim" mentalities with me yesterday. My AH texted to me that all of our phone conversations these days (we're currently separated) "are interrogations." Pre-Al-Anon I would have lashed back and tried to defend myself or tell him he was wrong. This time, I just responded, "Sorry, that wasn't my intention at all. I just wanted to make sure that you are okay (he has now lost his job as of this week) and to let you know that I love you and pray for you every day." I must have thrown him off with my response, because he texted back, "Thanks, I appreciate that and I love you too." This was a HUGE change for both of us. No fights, no anger, just respectfulness and honesty. I cried today when I read his response on my phone.
My AD decided that she was angry with something I sent to her last nigth via email and she took it personally, which was not my intention at all. I responded back to her, "My bad. I'm sorry if I upset you. I just wanted to share this information for you to do with as you would like." (it was an article on the internet about our familly business being sold to a new owner). Usually, after an incident like this, she will not be in contact with me for days, or even weeks. Today, she texted me and was fine- she acted as if nothing has happened the day before. Before Al-Anon I would have tried to get her to see my side and tell her that I didn't do anything wrong.
I am so much more at peace right now in my life, and I now it's because I am working my program and experiencing wonderful results that I never thought possible. Last night I was ready to call my sponsor and ask her if I did the right thing. As it turned out, I did the right thing just by asking my HP to set me on the right path and show me the way.
thats good news- i find when my mum lashes out- and gets nasty- its because she is insecure- and to counteract that with no reaction and to give some kind words back- realy makes a difference- in fact- this approach has seen me through years of sticking with her personality disorder. Because these days i react less and try to understand more. i dont take any rubbish from my mum- and if she is rude or disrespectful then i have to say-"I cant take this- shouldnt take it" in a calm way. but sometimes things fly out of her mouth- and i let a lot of it go over my head.
It feels sooo good knowing that other people do not have power over us to "make" us feel one way or another and the same is true for us. There is so much that is just not about us.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
