The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm feeling a bit over loaded at the moment, it's not bad in the sense that I'm depressed. I'm more just feeling burnt out and up. I'm ready to redifine myself for lack of a better term. I'm more than a problem drinkers spouse, I"m more than the co dependent in this relationship, I'm more than a mother, a wife, a daughtrer. I'm ready for the next step of who I am. I'm considering talking to a shrink through my AH's work about my stuff. The gal there is an amazing counselor she specializes in addiction and happens to be the "crazy person" who sent me to alanon to begin with .. lol. I'd like to see her again.
Everything is fine. My daughter has been involved (in an extremely positive way) in a situation that most adults wouldn't have handled well, or grasped the situation itself as well as she has been able to. She did so well I heard from both her teacher and the school principle on what an amazing kid she is, as if I don't know that .. lol. It's interesting to me because she's in a position that other kids her age are looking to her to check themselves. It was about treating others with kindness, compassion and respect and still standing firm on her own wants, needs and beliefs. More importantly I stayed out of it and allowed it to be a teaching moment for her. We talked about it when it bothered her and the tears came. I knew it was something she needed to resolve. Her confidence just was amazing to watch this past week. She's once again finding her inner voice and matching her inner voice with her outter one. Knowing she even has a voice is a BIG step for anyone however to see her voice be so beautiful and strong just humbled me. It humbled me on my own progress as well and being grateful for the alanon program for allowing things to play out the way they did, God was actively seen in our lives this week .. lol.
My AH didn't get the job he bid. That was a big bummer for us both, he handled the disappointment well. It's like I told him it's not the only job bidding that will be coming up and at some point he's going to have the most senority. He does know that so there is no hopelessness attached to this situation at all. Best of all he came home and was truly relaxed with us last night and he'd been struggling with being able to be present when he's home and being able to sleep soundly and so on. He seems to be letting go of a lot of things. AND he went to see his mother, .. that was a BIG WOW!! I didn't say a word about it either .. LOL!!
Hoping he will take another Friday off in 2 weeks. LOL .. he doesn't know I need help with the first committee and getting to them the vets office to be snipped (3 certificates in the mail are coming for free nueturing, we'll pay for the rabie shots). We have some decisions to make about the second committee. They are 2 weeks old and doing fine. I need to see about getting them wormed and the fleas removed. I don't have a lot of money to invest into them. It will be flea comb this week and talk to a vet if they can help lower some costs for the little ones.
Anyway, just taking things slow and easy regarding myself and trying to focus on other things.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
May there be more parents like you someday, Pushka. Your daughter responds well to school programs that teach civility because the principles taught in such programs are being practiced and modeled at home by her mother. Bless you.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Pushka, you described a lot of life on lifes terms. A whole lot of what you talked about was good stuff but maybe kinda draining. It reminds me of something I've heard in meetings which is basically that you notice after being in recovery a while that your problems are "gold plated" meaning that they are routine and the type of "problems" that are not really actually problems. It's way different than your head spinning around and the super chaos you were living in at the start right?
Holy cow, .. I think about this time last year and I would have been a hot mess with capital H all the way through to a the last S being capitalized .. I have such a long way to go and I'm trying to just seriously focus on my own stuff. It's coming slowly however surly it is.
I like the term "gold plated problems" .. lol. That is so very true. Things that would have really set me off don't seem to so much. All I can do is the best that I can do and there is nothing about being perfect or not having problems that's just life.
Thanks for the feed back, ... I'm telling you there is so much about my kids I learn from them daily as I had no "formal" model at home. So we do LOTS of trial and error. I"m very blessed that my children are who they are and that by sheer dumb luck I have done some things right that happen to be core things emotionally, now I'm learning with the kids thank goodness. I just want them not to have to carry the same monkeys I have over my lifetime. An unforgiving heart is a heavy heart to carry as well as grudges are hard to carry on backs at the same time. If they can get through to young adulthood without having those attached and can live their lives knowing they have a choice about those things then I have been successful as a parent. The social aspects of navigating through school I never dealt with I just isolated no one bothered me I didn't bother anyone else and that's not a way to live life.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It's interesting to me because she's in a position that other kids her age are looking to her to check themselves. It was about treating others with kindness, compassion and respect and still standing firm on her own wants, needs and beliefs. More importantly I stayed out of it and allowed it to be a teaching moment for her. We talked about it when it bothered her and the tears came. I knew it was something she needed to resolve. Her confidence just was amazing to watch this past week. She's once again finding her inner voice and matching her inner voice with her outter one. Knowing she even has a voice is a BIG step for anyone however to see her voice be so beautiful and strong just humbled me. It humbled me on my own progress as well and being grateful for the alanon program for allowing things to play out the way they did, God was actively seen in our lives this week .. lol.