The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I am pretty disheartened at the moment and quite down. Normally that would send me into the next meeting or phoning an alanon friend.
But what do you do if the source of the problem is that I have been around alanon for a long time and feel completely detached from the rest of the world.
I have a Chronic illness which isn't helping because I can't work and spend a lot of time by myself. My AH works or goes to meetings, or sleeps.... we haven't had a meal together for weeks.
My whole time is taken up with Alanon meetings district meetings area meetings alateen meetings, sponsor meetings, conventions.....
The book says when i get busy i get better....but i'm finding the opposite. I don't feel like I'm getting better or finding serenity. In fact i'm feeling quite mentally sick right now
Working my program is on going but its feeling more and more like navel gazing and I really don't know where to go from here.
what have others done in this situation?
I do have a daughter about to have a baby so I'm sure that will change our focus drastically....
Maybe THATS the reason we're in this difficult family situation ( I hadn't thought of that)
Maybe higher power had already stepped in lol
I'd be interested in hearing other poeples experience of this
(((Dear))) f2fmember and I do mean Dear, because it is evident you have a program. You know what works without any ES&H. No "advice here". I admire your program and feel sure you are right where you need to be. Fall back on the direction the program had led you in the past with HP's guidance.
In Support & HUGS RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 28th of October 2011 08:32:13 PM
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 28th of October 2011 08:33:13 PM
You came looking for help...isn't that what we do along with all the help we give...balance. I read your post and one of things I hear is "...the courage to change the things we can..." You have choices and wants...Pull up the wants you want and then do the choices to get there is what I was taught. I've done all the things you have mention here and to do all those things you must have time. We cannot do this overnight and I did all of that by choice...what are my choices now? What do I want to change and do I have to give up to get. I know one thing from sitting in the rooms of Al-Anon and Alateen and AA and listening and watching (hearing with my eyes) the absense of the spiritual program results in insanity. I must change without regaining it all back.
The most important word for me in the Al-Anon Family Groups is Family. Where I've come from...family just isn't like this.
I'd like to hear more about your revelation that HP gave you an answer in your post. That I an learn from. (((((hugs)))))
Thank you both for replying RLC I definately need the ESand H of others in order to clear my own head. Yes I've been using the program a long time but its the words of others that always re ignites old thoughts or introduces new ones.
JERRY I came back to MIP as I started many moons ago, with the real need to off load my thoughts in a safe place. I spoke in your chat room late at night. I found your CODA board....which was different.
In f2f rooms I see the same people and I think because of service and newcomers I am almost bound to be as positive as I can be..... but when what i'm feeling is negative its hard to be honest.
In the coda room I concentrated on step 10 and 11 and have a new resolve to review my day and to plan a new one beginning with a simple prayer. Life has become so negative again and bogged down by the immediate demands of family.
Focusing on me was becoming self destuctive. Somewhere its written ....think 'what for' not 'why me'
That struck me......
Then writing here I suddenly realised that the mundane things I've been doing are all going to chnage very soon BECAUSE of the immediate demands of the family and life will no longer be focused on the negative but on a new baby.
The situation with my daughter has been difficult. Shes on her own and wanting the father to be involved. He is totally unreliable and she won't get the support she needs there. I have Catholic judgement going on.... My AH husbands imploding.....
But in 2 weeks time my daughter will become the focus balancing the whole program because our family unit will no longer be just me and my AH and our programs...... It's a difficult situation but its a different one that gives us the opportunity to stop the navel gazing and building resentments. We have a lot to be grateful for.
This new life arriving in Dec is an opportunity to build healthy routines and doesn't have to be a burdon or a difficulty to anyone.....
Detaching from the negative is a useful tool.
So I came to the conclusion that maybe higher power has been busy engineering this difficult situation and giving us the means of re balancing lol Instead of seeing it as a pressure I can choose to see it as a means of taking the pressure off the Alcoholic intensity?
((((M)))) I realized a long time ago that the responsibility for my happiness and saddness was mine alone...my choice at my time and wasn't reliant on anyone else...not even my Higher Power. Yes all of the good stuff in my life is supportive and the choice is mine. I've always had good stuff in my life even when I thought my life wasn't worth a cent or worth living. Al-Anon and the fellowship's ESH showed me and taught me how to choose and as a result of a different choice how to have change and so I practiced, practice, practiced and am still practicing that...being responsible rather than leaving outcomes up to others alone.
When I look at the context of my family...both sides; my own and my wife's I am elated and content that we have sooooo many members of different ages and genders and characters and places within their own journeys; all of the positive stuff and then there is the negative which but for the grace of my HP and the program are but issues and events to accept for today unconditionally and that goes for the Al-Anon Family membership also. My wife and I have recently joined in on welcoming a new (1 year old) grandson and also a (1 year old) great-grand daughter. We love our families and we participate in their growth and movement and still at the top of the order is the one we have together and still we don't hold each other responsible for our own personal happiness and sadness. We share our lives with each other and we offer loyal support and know where are abilities and boundaries lay.
Al-Anon taught me how to live consciously...wide awake...actively with less and less reaction and with more honest awareness. It led me into sane behavior and a desire to remain there. The remainder of our natural families do not have this program in their lives. We bring the program within our lives daily alone and with others and have greater consequences because of it.
Recently we had a family gathering at our house which was attended by my eldest son, his wife, their children and grand-child and before we ate I said grace. There was a reaction as for some reason my eldest son and his wife thought or automatically assumed that because he is who he is and holds the experience he holds that he was the one who was authorized or better positioned to say grace...talk to God...make that connection. After the meal my daughter-in-law took the compulsion to "teach" or "instruct" me about God (as she understands God) and where God is. She was forgetting my experience, my understanding, and at whose home she was at under whose invitation. It was program that had me smile thru it all...it is Al-Anon vision and understanding that allows us to see the whole picture clearly and what our part in it is. We self govern self and no one else and for that we are responsible. I am grateful to the program. Have I learned enough or it all? I've been around since the late 70's and have found out that "More will be revealed" is one of the greatest constants in recovery. It is a truth to my attending with an open mind and still finding help. I love you oldtimers and genuinely feel blessed when you share your ESH with me without knowing how it saves my mind, body, spirit and emotions so that I can be of use to the in-and-out family and HP.
Perhaps a 4th step inventory on service work may be beneficial. I look at the service to my group, sponsees, and to my HP which is the relationship I build with him on a daily basis. Doing that 5th step with my sponsor will help me see where I am out of balance in my recovery program.
Yeah good idea...... I have decided to do 4th step any time I have a 5 or a 0 at the end of my age LOL. So I have been looking at some issues in the form of an inventory..... I think I will include service in it..... Thank you. I'll make a note to discuss with my sponsor.
That is what works for me and keeps me in line with concept 10 regarding service responsibility having balance. For me Alanon is a we program. I take on my fair share and sit back allowing others to grow in service work as well.
