The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't posted in a few days. My husband and I are trying a trial back together in our home for 30 days. I will admit that the emotional tug of war is nice to have stopped but I still feel a lot of anger inside. He seems very happy and content to be back in our home. I have to admit I miss my space. I walk into our bedroom at night after he has gone to bed and I feel crowded... I've gotten used to sleeping alone - I'm a light sleeper anyway. I am trying and not giving in to these initial "flight" reactions.
I went to a face to face meeting last night and I really feel like I've found my home group. It is ACoA, so that helps. I really need to start working the program and find a sponsor, but I'm not sure how to do that yet. One day at a time.
I am so glad you went to a meeting last night. Meetings have always been a cornerstone in my recovery.
Sponsorship for me worked like this. During the meeting I would always pay attention to what the members would share. Week after week there was a person in there who always had such strength, hope and a life that I wanted to have. After one of the meetings I went up to her and asked if she would be my temporary sponsor. She agreed and it went from there. I called her on a weekly basis, and met with here for coffee or lunch each week. She is still my sponsor today, many years later.
So, keep listening in the meetings. For me it was as if my HP shined a light on my sponsor. There is a quote from our alanon literature that spoke to me years ago. It is "when the student is ready, the teacher appears"
I can so relateIve been separated from my AH for 3 months. He came over this weekend to see our son, and wanted to stay with him until he fell asleep. So he climbed into bed next to him (my son sleeps in my bed hes only 2) and only ended up leaving at 11 pm. All the while I was feeling what you describe.crowded, and all the resentments started to churn in me. I just wanted to get to sleep myself and decompress. It is the one time of the day that I try to let go of all the anxieties. Its hard to admit the relief I have not being around him all the time. At the same time, I still feel love towards him, as Im sure you do to your H. It would be so easy is the feelings were totally black or white, but it just doesnt work that way. Since youre only at the beginning of your trial, maybe you just need to see what happens and how you feel in a few weeks from nowmaybe you will have more clarity then. In the meantime, keep on taking care of yourselfwishing you support!
In this life I can either focus on what others have done to me, or what I am doing to feel better. When I talk all about what he did, how he did it, where he did it, and on and on, I am stewing in my disease. I am allowing it to take over and create chaos which feeds my adrenaline addiction. When I come from love and respect, acceptance and am non-judgemental, I feel like a whole new person :) I can only say what works for me, but meetings, calling alanon friends and my sponsor and reading the literature. I also began to pray and embraced step 1. I am powerless over what everyone else does... Things are changing and getting better all the time...little by little... HUGS
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Thank you all for your responses... I have done much better not being worried about what he's doing and it has brought me a lot of relief... but at the same time it has brought awareness to me that my feelings are not what I would like to have in a partnership/marriage. A lot has been done to change how I see and feel, both by me and by him. I think part of my issue is that I feel guilty for not having the feelings that I "should" have, so it was easier to blame his faults or things that he had done.
Day by day I will find out and I will try to have an open mind.
One of the things I have to daily is repeat the Lord's Prayer what we say at the end of meetings. I appreciate that it's not for everyone, it brings me peace to know the God of my understanding wants me to not only forgive others, forgive myself as well. I am seeing clearer that I have done the best that I could with the tools I had at the time. Now that I have better tools I prefer to try and remember those .. lol .. some days better than others it does happen I strike gold.
Having those aha moments help me remember that yeah I could have, would have, should have about past actions I can only focus on my actions today.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
