The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Over the last few days, my head has been full of: "I need to lose 20-30 pounds, I have hair growing in places a woman should not have hair, I have cystic acne that nothing seems to cure, disgustingly saggy b**bs, and all the natural grace of a bull in a china shop. I can't dance, I look like a dork with glasses or a big blob of fat without them, I smile too much and laugh too loud when I am happy, In short, not only am I socially awkward, I'm also disgusting and obnoxious -- no wonder I have trouble making friends! I should be embarassed to go out in public at all looking like I do..."
Usually that s**t is in the back of my mind, but for some reason it's coming to the foreground...
I've recently started a new job, with a co-worker who is extremely negative and sarcastic and reminds me so much of my dad... recently he has ripped apart a couple of my suggestions for improving our workflow, and I think that's what triggered this.
I'm not a little girl this time. I'm an adult, I have my program tools, and I don't have to let this mess with me. When a nasty negative person says nasty negative things, that's a reflection on him, not me!
And this links with my post yesterday about needing to break out of social isolation... I think I need to be with/around positive people. Maybe some sort of new-agey body-acceptance dance/yoga thing... I may not be much into the spiritual side of that, but exercise is good, and I really need to break out of my negative physical image of myself... and the people at those things always seem so warm and positive and exactly the kind of people I'd like to have as friends...
...and Al-Anon, of course! I miss my old home group so much right now, but I will keep coming back to the new groups until one of them starts to feel like home...
-- Edited by atheos on Sunday 23rd of October 2011 01:20:27 PM
At MIP atheos is loved unconditionally...we do not put her down or each other in that matter. We practice unconditional love. atheos is a beautiful, loveable, child of God. She is a woman of deep value and we are better for having her here. She is kind and supportive and has a great sense of humor.
Adopt that true perspective of her and keep it in your mind...picture and practice that often until it becomes the only picture of her that you keep.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You are too freaking funny! Thanks for that laugh, I can so relate to that! I can totally make a long list of my faults too, and that's the only reason I laugh. If you want a diet tip, I can tell you what has worked for me. I don't eat meat or dairy. Although I do eat eggs for breakfast. You will will be amazed how you can drop pounds this way. I drink soy and almond milk in my coffee. Don't really eat cereal. I eat lots of beans and veggies and spaghetti with beans and veggies in the sauce. I got a magic bullet and I make smoothies at night with frozen bananas, frozen blueberries or strawberries and soy milk. Takes care of that ice cream craving!
I like all kinds of folks ackward & shy, boastful & gregarious, peaceful & reflective. Add in all the beautiful colors in skin tones and types. The greater the diversity, the more unity. That is the best thing about MIP and face to face meetings generally. We are not people who would normally mix but we come together for a common purpose, to help one another. That is a beautiful thing.
Glad you are with us. I do so treasure your contribution.
well done you- what you think is the reality- if you think you are geeky then you are so- if yo feel beautiful then you are so. i think CBT may be really usefull for you- and i think you will be really good taking it on as you sound really open for change and have an open mind. CBT is about your belief system- and you change this belief system by starting a different mental dialogue with yourself...i recently tried CBT and it got me started with a pill addiction i have been having for 16 years- im down to the last amounts and even now I am using CBT methods- i couldnt have shifted a 16 year addiction without it. first i spen t a lot ot time figuring out what my belief system actually is. if yu get right deep into it it may astound you- what yu have been supporting mentally. stuff like "i am worthless. I am a failure. i have never achieved" once yu figure what it is that you believe in you start to challenge it- maybe- just maybe- this belief might be false? then you to and fro for a while- often the belief has been served for so long that at first you thin k you are just kidding yurself thats its not true....you have to genuinely get to the point where you believ the belief to be a false one- an illusion- a misnomer- something like a cancer tumour youve been feeding. only when you get to the stage where you truly understand its false (which can take some time) do you start a new mental dialogue. which would counteract the previous false one. such as "I am a very talented person- i can draw and paint- " and you tell yourself a different dialogue
from now on- you need to be wary of what mental dialogue you put through your head- be vigilant on what yu tell yourself. you are doing so well- by saying its this mans problem and not yours
all of this sociall awkward stuff has got to go too- what actually is this? what is being sociable? isnt this just an illusion really? sometimes it can be other people that are socially inept by not putting you at your ease, by being too self absorbed to take an interest in a quiet person- ever though of it this way? flip things around- turn them over and start to realise that those definitive firm beliefs such as "I am socially awkward" are just that- a belief system that has not much basis in fact really. with the right people - in the right situation i think you are probably way- way more sociable than you are allowing yourself to believe
phew...lecture over...... LOL. I just ranted it out on the off chance CBT might help
We all accept you, work your program until you accept yourself and only then does your skin finally feel comfortable. For all the negatives you can list of yourself make a list of your positive attributes. Sending you love and support!
-- Edited by flopadopilus on Monday 24th of October 2011 09:47:30 PM
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
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