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so...I messaged my new bfs daughter on facebook and she didn't respond...yet I can see she is online.. I immediately jump to all these conclusions.."she doesn't like me" "OMG, she hates me and that will affect my relationship with her dad.." I'm in total reaction mode and want to talk with her to make sure I haven't done anything wrong. My thoughts are torturous...but basically that "she hates me and it's my fault"
I hate this headspace..intellectually i know 1) there is a good possibility there is another reason she is not responding to my chat, and 2) I shouldn't care so much if others like me....but why do I end up in this spinning headspace..thinking I am the one that has done something wrong...just because someone didn't chat with me?
Can anyone relate? what do I do to get my brain going in a better direction?
I can so relate to stinkin thinkin and it could be she isn't at her computer. I have changed so much from spiraling about everything to only the bigger things getting me there, through weekly Al-anon meetings and having a sponsor to work the steps with and I also come here to keep my mind focused. It takes time, but try to find something that is practicing self care that can relax you or take you to a good place mentally. I try to STOP and NOT REACT when I find myself in a spin about a conversation forth coming. It takes time to feel comfortable in your own skin and to know you are worthy! You do not need to earn anyones approval and hand it over to HP when and if you can and sit back and watch Him work. It is amazing when you let relationships happen instead of think you have to hold the steering wheel. Sending you love and support on your journey!
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
I'm learning still on this still. For me it comes under the the subject of taking everything or many things in life personal. "It's all about me...it just has to be." Enablers are as self centered and fixated as alcoholics/addicts are accused of being. "Some how it's all about me...life is trying to get at me." LOL I have a PHD in self centeredness and can also take it to the enth degree. What works well for me when I get into "self" mode is to detach...from it all. Stop the self blame and bring myself down to size...best reducing diet I can do is to reduce my ego and pride.
When I am in it...it sucks big time and then the hope for recovery is in the program which is here for me 24/7 and a gift from my HP.
this happens to me all the time- i am used to it. but i think if anyone cant reply- even with the briefest of messages suchs as "thanks for your message but im really busy at the moment- ill catch up with yu when i have got some spare time" then they are just rude-plain and simple. and its their fault not mine. if people are happy treating others in this way then let them get on with it- but everyone who writes to me gets a mesage back- everyone- even if i dont know them and i am not interested- it doesnt hurt to give someon five minutes of your cyber time
sometimes ive written someone loads- like an old school friend who i used to be reallt close to and theyve discarded me like im some kind of loser. in the end, i just think if they want to be uncharitable thats up to them- but i am staying still being me- which is open and friendly. even my sister i took her off of facebook as she wouldnt reply- i concentrate on the good apples and throw away the bad apples.
sorry- i dnt know yur family situation- i know family is different...but i say things now- because my feelings are valid- i just say- "you know what- you are rude! good bye! LOL
i agree with what Jerry says- also- absolutely- sometimes people just forget- or they read your message- enjoy it- but just move on whtut thinking anything more abut it- i still think thats rude- but not everyone can sustain things- you get some people who dont know how to stick at stuff. but yes- the world doesnt always revolve around us does it.
I try and remind myself that other people have lives too. Their acceptance or rejection doesn't make me more or less of a person, because their life is probably not about me. My AH's facebook you'd think he was always on guess what .. lol .. he's not .. it just shows his avatar he's really not on and if he is he doesn't know it.
I think we've all done that dance and then go back and retrace what did I do .. their life is not about us everyone has their own issues to face. Life is busy.
Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You know what I always get so mad at myself in those situations and HOW many times I have done that I have lost count .. LOL .. anyway, how much energy I put into something that was all in my imagination.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I show logged in here, yahoo and fb a lot, but am chasing a toddler, out on a walk or even at work. I leave my puter on and leave all the time if I think I will be back in a few hours or less. I come back and people have had total conversations with me and I usually laugh except for when people think I am ignoring them which I don't do and they say mean things, than I call them and explain and they usually feel sheepish and I remind them the next time they message me I am extremly busy and won't always log off and that's my choice. I think it's funny because I have messaged people too and they haven't responded and I used to spin for hours over it. I guess I am getting more relaxed after working my program.
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Facebook is not something I can try on or tune into for many reasons. As others have shared, life is just too darned busy. I would probably say they are signed on but not active. Don't sweat the small stuff.
