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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> upcoming weekend
Post Info TOPIC: upcoming weekend
Lindaoakford


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upcoming weekend
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Hi guys

Thanks for putting up with me.

AFter all that about going fishing this weekend or not..... he has not made any decision.  Ithought it was all decided. 

I think I got what you guys were saying... just forget about the smoking bit.  If I love him that I love both of them.  Learn to live with it in my life I think is the message, instead of fighting it to get it OUT of my life, the only way to do that is to leave my husband and I don't want to do that.

anyhoo........... I said, I need a decision to know if we are going out or not cos there are other things I could plan.  He said, just plan what you want and we will work around it!!!! aaarrgghhhh

So.. I planned a coffee with a friend on Saturday morning, dinner and drinks followed by a play with a group of friends (very very unusual for me to do this) my boss is acting in the play so work mates are going.  Sunday we are going to a concert (Cold Chisel) and that is in the late afternoon/evening.

So that leaves the organising of the fishing or whatever, to be between those times.

Every now and then I get this panic in my gut.. he will smoke he will smoke, he will get stoned ... OMG.. he will be stoned... I don't want him to do that... he is smoking the real stuff again (why that makes  difference I hve no idea)... my head screams.. then I hear you guys...

Accept it Linda, its ok if he smokes, it does not make you a bad person if he smokes.  Yo uare allowed to talk to him if you want, you are allowed to accept that he smokes and still have him as your husband.  It is not a rule that you must be angry if he is stoned.

Yesterday evening, he went home from work early and I thought he may be stoned becasue of that.  I put it into practice and readied myself to talk to him no matter what state he was in, but I wanted to walk the dog.  I purposely chose to be in a good mood no matter if he was stoned or not.  He decided to walk the dog with me, he had picked me flowers and they were in a vase when I walked in teh door from work.  On our walk he picked me two more bunches and broke off a bit to plant in our yard of our favourite colour frangipani.  He also climbed a few Mangoe trees in the park to try to get me the fruit (he doesn't like them) so it was all for me.

I took photos and put them on facebook.  We had a really nice evening.  We practiced some Tai Chi that we have just started (he is a black belt in martial arts and has done it before).  It was his turn to cook so we ordered pizza... we watched some telly and went to bed. 

I slipped at one point and asked if he had a smoke today... I was sad with myself that I had asked.  He answered me and wasn't upset by my question.  He had smoked a bit of the herbal passionflower/damiana mix.  I dropped the subject as I was upset with myself that I asked.  I just kept on sitting next to him and holding his hand, trying to let it go in my head.  I did not react after that though.

Anyway.. that was a long post again sorry.  I can't seem to keep it short.  Looks like I have a great weekend coming up if I can just keep on shoving down that anxiety and breathing and accepting that I have a wonderful husband who has a monster that I live with also.  Can't say it will be easy but I am willing to give it another go.



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Linda - a work in progress
Debilyn


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(c: AWWWWW Progress!!!!!

Can you hear us all clapping! Ya did it!

hey don't focus on the goofs, just keep going!

Oh loved the pics btw!

Hugs,debilyn

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Lindaoakford


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I was gonna put some of the pics up here but I can't work out how



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Linda - a work in progress
kris10


Senior Member

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The "moster" isn't as big when you accept it!! Geez, wish my weekend was going to be as fun as yours!!

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Kristen

rosielee


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Linda- at least he isnt on crack or smack or alcohol. but i think pot is a genuine addiction and yur reaction just reveals t me that you have a total right to feel like you do about it- sounds like it makes him into a different person and you just want him not the stoned him. i think he has a genuine pot addiction- and lets remember- some people have stolen off of their families- got their families into unsafe situatins over this addiction- and young people need addiction counselling for pot all the time. but i get where the other al-anon members are coming from- because at the moment you are pushing him away and if you want to spend time with him you will need to accept it.

i just hope he finds a way through the pot smoke one day and discovers that a life spent straight is not that bad- quite good in fact.

but at present it appears that you are pretty powerless of hiss addiction and if you want to be close to him to have to accept the fact he is going to be stoned sometimes- sunds like he smokes that strong stuff too (skunk)- they are banning it from the amsterdam cafes now- as its too strong.

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rosie
youfoundme


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Linda, I don't know if you have it or not, but several entries in the book One Day at a time in alanon may help you: July 5, and July 14. HUGS Use the 5 G's that Tommye posted the other day... surrender to step 1. And remember you can live happy, joyful and free....no matter what

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Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Pushka


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Hugs Linda,

It does get easier just take it a day at a time.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Lindaoakford


~*Service Worker*~

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So... Its Saturday afternoon....

Believe it or not, I am out sitting at a boat ramp with my laptop under the shade of the car.  He is fishing and I am chatting and coming to and fro from the shad to him, listening to some music, on this board, looking around face book.

Yesterday afternoon he knocked off work early (not much work on) and he was home from 1230 till I saw him at 5.  I have no idea if he smoked or not, I didn't look, I didn't ask, I didn't assess.  We had a nice night, we talked about the movies but by the time we decided what to do, it was too late for the movies so we just went to the shops and had sushi.  He talked about fishing but didn't go.

Today, I went to see a friend for coffee and he was at home.  I don't know if he had a smoke or not, I didn't ask, I didn't look, I didn't assess.  He said, come wiht me out fishing for a couple of hours.. I said ok... no "but...." I just said ok.

We are going out to dinner wiht friends and then to a play that a friend is playing is this afternoon.  Tomorrow is another day.

I have had a nice day.  I am talking to myslef constantly, I am 'grounding' myself when I think he may have a pipe in his pocket (or is he just happy to see me :D hehe) and if he smokes or not.



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Linda - a work in progress
Cupcake


Veteran Member

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Linda,

This sounds great! So happy for you and the good day you are having. I find that talking to ourselves is par for the course especially when you are just starting the program. I find myself repeating the slogans over and over. And you know what? It helps.

Keep doing what you are doing! We can get better with Al-Anon!

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Cupcake - grateful to the program :)
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