feel awful, this nightmare [ ex RA ] won't leave me alone - Al-Anon Family Group

rara avis · Senior Member

feel awful, this nightmare [ ex RA ] won't leave me alone

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

It's just the disease talking crazy, Rara. Don't worry about the homeless shelter. They aren't in the business of suing people because other people are homeless.

You're doing good - just hang in there, don't let the crazy making suck you back in and twist up your thoughts. Hugs and prayers -

Summer

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Don't give any info. Don't talk to him.

rara avis · Senior Member

Yeah he can't WIN a lawsuit but good grief fingers crossed he doesn't try. His note sounds like he's really gone off the deep end. In addition he's staying up for 24 hrs, sleeping for 24 hrs - that sort of pattern - which, MAGICALLY! - is all my doing. I'm rather impressed with how omnipotent I am. Despite being magic and evil, I was also informed that I could take him out to coffee and he would be civil.

I talked to his sponsor who suggested I change phone and email. We are locked in a cell contract together which he is paying for, any idea how to get out of that without contacting him? It's AT and T, urg. Of course I'll call them and visit an office myself.

I'm taking action on cutting more ties. Was hoping to work but I don't know how focus, so I'll work on this. RA is seriously up the crazy creek and blaming every little thing on me.

Thanks everyone.
rara avis

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

I have had to cut myself off from certain people in the past, changing my number or at least not answering the phone. THere are restraining orders too... you have to be safe and take care of you :) Do you have meetings and a sponsor you can call?

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

{{Rara}}. Oh boy, oh boy. He's sure showing you with every move that splitting up was the right thing to do -- who would want a person like this any closer? Jeepers. And he undoubtedly thinks every move he's making is totally rational. Isn't the insanity amazing?

I don't know what kind of phone contract you have exactly, but you may want to just get a new phone with a new number. If that means you'd be on the hook for paying for the old one, you can call AT&T and ask them how to get out from the contract. It may require a lot of money (paying out the end of the contract). If you have the money, it may be worth it to get disentangled from him. There is a proviso that if he can't raise you by phone, he may show up at your house. I hope you can take some precautions for your safety. He is obviously strung out and feels compelled to go to great lengths to keep from acknowledging who is really responsible for his troubles (himself). Take care of yourself. In a year, you'll be shaking your head and rolling your eyes at all the insanity. You're on your way to saner and better times.

-- Edited by Mattie on Wednesday 19th of October 2011 01:33:35 PM

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs RA,

I think what pinkchip said was to the point and pretty simple.

As far as the ATT deal talk to someone there explain the situation and ask what your options are that will help everyone win. If the account is in your name only that makes a difference maybe you shut his phone off and just pay for the extra line until the contract is up. Usually people will help you if you ask the right questions. Sometimes based upon circumstances they will allow you out of a contract. The other thing is if you have to get a restraining order and let ATT know you have one and see what that might mean for the contract maybe there is a loop hole that way.

It does get better and based upon what you have shared I think this really validates the decision you had to make so let go of the guilt my friend sometimes you have to cut the albatross off and allow yourself to float to the top to breath instead of being dragged down with a drowning person.

Hugs P :)

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi AVDRA - yours and mine sound like the same person! He used the cell phone contract to badger me (and there is no better word than badger) me into doing what he wanted. He also threatened to have the district attorney get me if I didn't give him half the tax return (though we hadn't received it yet) then he got all hurt when i made him sign a paper saying he received it. Its the insanity - if he is paying for the cell phones, just send yours to him via the cell phone company, - a good place to start is a visit to the cell company, tell them whats going on, not the whole truth but enough, you are split irreconcilably and need to split the phone contract or cancel the contract or whatever it takes. Tell him to give you the number of the shelter so you can see what they want; i suppose you could also say that the shelter can contact you through your attorney, friend, relative, etc. someone not you.

People told me to look into getting a restraining order but you have to tell a judge that you are afraid he will hurt you, I wasn't afraid of that with mine, he was/is a blustering bully but was not/is not physically violent. Ignore his calls, delete without listening, block his calls if you can, give him the phone and get a pay-as-you go one like I have - better than a contract you are stuck in for two years! With my now ex, when i would tell him the phones were going off somehow that worked to stop his badgering for the night.

He threatens court to scare you, what possible thing could he take you to court over? do you have witnesses to the shape of his possessions or did you keep a log of what you did with his stuff? I took pictures of the boxes, all in good shape, so that if mine said anything I would have proof that at one time they were well boxed. I ALSO packed his towels around breakables, nice of us to take such care of their stuff even when they are being nasty to us, isn't it? and they don't appreciate it, i was told by several people to just throw his (bad word for stuff) in the street and let him know its there; burn it; put it in storage in a pile; give it to thrift stores... etc. But I imagine you are like me in that we have to be able to look ourselves in the mirror.

Hugs and cheers Rara, be well

John · ~*Service Worker*~

send him the picture of me under the "securing yourself" topic and tell him, "this is a pic of the last idiot that messed with me...keep it up bud, I like to add to my picture collection"!!

((((((((((((SUPER BIG HUG)))))))))))))

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

((rara)) Stick close to the board for support. We are here for you when you need us. You have my thoughts and prayers my friend.

In support,

T

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You are just fine! Ok who can we control? So heck with what he said. They say a lot of things to upset us. Remember I shared he would say," I am burning the house down", I said," The lighters are on the shelf by the insense.

"I am going to leave!!" I pointed to the door."

I am calling the cops!!! "I said, "Ok will wait right here."

Everyone here said it perfect and from lots of experience.

Straight talk cells are GREAT. The programs are $30 for 30 days 1,000 of texts, minutes and internet. $45 for unlimited 3o days.

Yes find your options. Is your name on contract? cancel your phone feed the is the only one on the contract?

I can tell you all the threats I have heard on here, only one time in 10 years the mip gal lost.

But he is full of prunes, the shelter is not doing anything, they have no right to. He probably knows if he said he was you would know he wouldn't

Myself when I cut all contact NO chance of having any, is the only way I can get well from a poisonous relationship.

hugs.deb

rrib · Senior Member

Takes money to harrass someone using the courts. Doesn't sound like he has the resources to even try.

rara avis · Senior Member

I talked to a great gal at another phone co. [ my previous one before I switched over ] and she said she'd had to change numbers because of an ex too. Our phones are being paid for by my now ex RA. She suggested I just let the previous number peter out until the contract expires, and get a new number w/new company for myself. Genius. So I did.

I did end up skimming mssgs. quickly due to some storage lock issues that need to be cleared up. Meanwhile of course ex RA did a COMPLETE 180 degrees, sounded like his old self, told me he hoped I was okay, it was okay to talk to him, and listed several important tasks he was FINALLY completing, apologized for the email. I mean, it's absolutely incredible, the loop-de-loops this guy does. Which way is up??! In a way it would be less crazymaking if he really was crazy, all the time, instead of just half...?

It's been a big lesson in humility, asking for help etc.. in person and on this board. This is the kind of situation I thought I'd never be in. You know, I always thought I was strong, had good judgement, didn't get into bad relationships, etc....and here I am! Good grief.

Thank you all AGAIN for the support while I extricate myself from this mess. I feel like getting the RA out has dragged on to a ridiculous degree. It would be so much more difficult without hearing from other's experiences!

hugs back
rara avis

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