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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A break through?
Post Info TOPIC: A break through?
youfoundme


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A break through?
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I finally got Step 1, and my sponsor and I are going to have a meeting about it in the next few days.  I feel pretty good about it.  All that said (and you know I have been trying to *GET* step one for a while now, when I finally surrendered to it, I got it..) I had this dream last night that was really vivid and really gut wrenching and I had to wake right up and write down what was needed of me...

In the dream I was at a rehab center (as if they have rehab for co-dependency? maybe they do, but its just not a possibility, so I will keep going to meetings)...anyway, I was at this rehab and the way they did therapy there was you had to tell all your pains (the stuff we don't want to feel so we concentrate on others) in a session and get it all out on the table.  I was sitting there at the front of the group with my fiance by my side (must of been family weekend?) and I was really struggling with all the pain I avoid thinking about so I can get through my day.  It got really hard at that point, I was trying to form the words to start the list of pains I avoid.  The list of stuff I don't want to feel, and I was crying in the dream, and all the while there was this strange music playing that was like a chant:  "BRAIN PAIN... BRAIN PAIN..."  like this stuff was all a pain in my brain and holding me back...  then I was about to talk and list the stuff...and I woke up.  While I was still kind of in that dream state, I started just writing it all down like crazy and listed as much as I could think of.  I was crying in hysterics and writing and I woke up my fiance and he couldn't get a word out of me, while tears were streaming down my face and I was sobbing...  he just put his arm around me and waited...  After I finally got it all out, I kept crying for a bit, shaking...  now of course I do feel very drained today, and don't really know what to do with it, but I feel a breakthrough occured, and that now I have that written down, I can't hide from it anymore.  I can't control my past or what happened, but I can start to feel it, and heal from it... 

Thanks all... I will keep coming... grateful member of alanon



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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
flopadopilus


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What a nice break through and attitude to know now that it is out of your brain you can feel it and heal through it. Sounds like you are working it! Keep up the great work! Sending you love and support on your journey!

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Pushka


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LOL .. YFM, There is a rehab for codependency!! I can't remember where it is however there is one out there, I know someone who has gone to it. What an amazing way to start the day .. I'm sure you are drained however thank you so much for your share!!! It's funny what we really hallucinate about our power of control and what happens when the choice to surrender becomes the ONLY choice to have.

Hugs, keep on keeping on, look at you grow!!

P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
youfoundme


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Thanks Flopadopilus and Pushka :) I am glad to be walking (steping?) this journey with you wonderful ladies :)
Pushka, how funny, I would love to go away for 28 days, but thats just not possible, so meetings will have to do it :) Surrender...who would of thunk it?

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Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
canadianguy


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Good stuff YFM - nice breakthrough....

Step 1 is something I think we all have to re-visit and re-engage over and over again....

I have been to a "rehab center" for Coda's.....  It was at my ex-AW's treatment center, and it was called "Insite"....  basically an intensive 6-day session, all about ME....  group therapy, at it's finest.....  I don't know how many people offer it, but it isn't completely unheard of....

You can look at the facility online at www.edgewood.ca    and then click on the "Insite" tab....

 

Tom



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RLC


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YFM,

I have found that everything, and I mean everything, always comes back to Step One. With a little take on what Tom said ..... for me I never have to re-visit Step One, it seems to always re-visit me. When working Step One I also realized I could substitute any word in place of the word alcohol and the step still held true, with one exception......myself.

Great post......and Sweet Dreams.

HUGS,
RLC



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youfoundme


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Tom, I have actually searched and found a few in the states that do co-dependency...again, can't go because of the kids. I did a 5 day stint at a psych hospital once and it messed them both up for a couple of months. It was an emergency and they didn't see it coming so they were both in shock. So meetings it is :) Thanks so much!
RLC, I agree, I am finding that too :) And thanks :)

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
tommyecat


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It takes courage to do the writing.   For me the writing is a healing process for which the past loses power over me.  Keep up the good work.  Show it to your sponsor and get some much deserved rest tonight. I just know you are on the cusp of something good.

Love,

T



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rrib


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youfoundme wrote:

"BRAIN PAIN... BRAIN PAIN..."

Lol. Love it.



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