The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just watched this movie called 28 Days (from 2000, with Sandra Bullock)... I actually didn't mind it so much. Normally these rehab type movies seem so fake. The place she was at in the movie had Equine Therapy and one line stuck out at me. They had to get the horse to lift its back hoof to clean the hoof as part of their therapy. No one could do it, but the line was "You need to make your insides match your outsides"... She was finally able to do it after she left rehab and stood up for herself with the boyfriend. The horse could tell she finally was right inside and out and lifted its foot. They talked about concentrating on the things we can control and not the outcome, which I liked too. Concentrate on the little things you can do and stop trying to control the out come... I like both of those thoughts and it brings me to whats going on in my life now.
My outsides are shouting that I am feeling great, inside I am still a big jumble of thoughts and feelings. I know we need to say how we feel, not what we think. And inorder to stop the business I do with a partner, I need to say how I feel and not back down. I know when I say it, I need to say it with resolve and make my insides match my outsides. That I can concentrate on the things I can do and say (my feelings) and not concentrate on what the outcome might be. I am scared though. THis person is just the type of person I had in my life at another time, when I was 24. That person then was manipulative and controlling and very mean. I cut ties with her and never really stood up to her. Now I have the same type of person in my life again, and the ties are going to be harder to cut. I believe HP gives us these people again to have to actually do the work with so we can move on from it...
And now I am seeing and feeling that if I can make my insides match my outsides, that the resolve will show and even if she does try to argue me out of it, she won't be able to....because its how I FEEL and not what I think. I can control the little things, how I behave, how I react...I can't control what she will do after the talk...
And on the home front, its getting better all the time. This program works :) HUGS all :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
I just love that line. That quote was true for me, my insides didnt match my outsides before I came into Alanon. Today I feel like I have unity within the diversity of my feelings and emotions. There is inner harmony when I connect myself with my HP and His will for me. When I connect with my self centeredness I find chaos and I am easily disturbed by the actions of others. Today I know I have choices. What I focus on becomes real. When I focus on the next right action in front of me, the rest of the puzzle falls into place.
Look at you girlfriend!! :) Now did you ever think you would come to the resolution you did even 3 months ago? That is just so awesome!!
Way to work your program, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I love this forum for just this exact reason, I needed to read this today and know Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place! That happens more and more lately and feels great and love to hear others growing too! Thanks.
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
