The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well it started out a good day. Spent the day with a friend we went shopping and used coupons for the first time. And I was so proud of what I got for the little money I spent. Then we did lunch and then went to her moms and clipped coupons and talked. I really enjoyed the day. Got home unloaded the car and got light headed and dizzy. And that had never happend before so I sat down and my AH called from county jail. So I talked to him, I told him what I did today. And of course he said why did you buy food we shouldn't need any...well first I got meat and I got it cheap. Then he askes me did you call my lawyer and did you talk to your friend about him going to rehab.-- A little info on whats going on-- Well he is sitting in county waiting to go to rehab,he has to serve 9 mos in rehab out of a 4 yr sentence for his 4th dui. I have a friend whos hubby is in rehab and I found out my AH is on the transportation list to go there. My friends hubby is an inmate there and works in intake so he has access to the list. Well my AH expects me to work miracles and get him sent to rehab. Well first he got a 4 yr sentence which he only has to do 9 mos in rehab but the time in county comes off his parole. So they can keep him as long as they want in county. Well he is upset at me for not finding out anything from my friend and not calling his lawyer to get things moving. Well I can't do everything. He put himself there. Then he calls me grouchy and says he is letting me go. Which if you don't stay on the phone the whole 15 mins it costs more. And I still was feeling dizzy so maybe my tone was different, but grouchy no. And I am just tired of him calling and asking "honey do this" I am tired of living alone, I am tired of doing things around the house that he should be doing, I am just plain old tired..............
You sound like you are finding your voice. I am actually hearing strength develop. The kind of "tired" you are describing is not an "I'm weak tired." It's an "I'm sick of this and something's gonna change" tired. Keep focusing on you. Try and make some face to face alanon meetings. You sound like you are really growing actually.
As far as when you feel a day went south in an instant: Remember that you can choose to restart your day at any time. Don't let anyone else ruin your day. Make each day the best you can for you. (easier said than done, but you are really doing better it sounds....honest). When you first posted here I thought you were gonna crack from all that was going on and now all I read is you getting stronger and stronger.
Thanks everyone...I did feel like I was gonna crack from what has happened. And I don't really know what changed me...maybe my HP. And yes pinkchip something has to change. And I believe I am starting with me. And its hard to go to F2F mtgs they are all when I have class. But I try and make it here and also just take it one day at a time. And I remember the 3 c's and also its okay to cry just don't dwell on it, and like you said I can restart my day at any time...thanks everyone!!!!!!!!
Have you located the face to face meetings in your area J? You will find companionship and experience, strength and hope from inside the face to face meetings along with lots of helpful literature and sometimes even a good cup of coffee. There may also be a few members who have like experiences with a spouse or significant other being in jail or prison from multiple DUIs and who still tend on "driving the bus" thru it all.
The solution to being tired for me is relaxation and stillness.
It sounds like you are really living. You had a good day with a friend shopping and things changed after the phone call. I hang on to what pink chip shared about having the power to restart your day at any time. It is a wonderful concept I share with my kids. My sponsor said, set a timer to sit in the stinkin thinkin. Once it goes off, I restart my day. I am responsible for my atttude, actions and inner being. Then I start growing in my mind all the good things I have in my world. When I align myself with that harmony in spirit, chances are the rest of my day is pretty good.
I used to have a great day and then have an argument with my A and all I could do was obsess about what a rotten day it turned out to be, because of him. Now that I go to Al-anon I remember I had a great day prior to a not so good conversation or whatever and then I choose to end it well. I have gotten good at saying to myself well I need a do over after that situation and make sure to do something that helps take care of myself and gets my head back into my growth. I hope you are able to make it to face to face meetings. It sounds like you are headed in a great direction! Keep up the great work and keep taking care of yourself! Sending you love and support!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
