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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Family Issues - more of the Same
Post Info TOPIC: Family Issues - more of the Same
nyc018


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Family Issues - more of the Same
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I posted in the past about the same issue so apologies if I'm repeating myself. Just need to vent since I got an earful from my mom again this morning about AH, from whom Im separated.

Long story short AH had a break down this summer, ended up in rehab, and lost his job as a result of his absenteeism caused by alcoholism. We're now legally separated, hes been sober since entering rehab in early Sept. (Im not reading anything into that in terms of long-term, just giving a background). We still have a relationship since we have a son, and, at my lawyers advice, he should be allowed to visit so long as I agree to it and hes sober. So far, thats how its been.

Im being pulled in both ends. AH still loves me, and Id be lying if I said I didnt. I think he wants to get back together and I cant even go there. He hasnt pushed me about it, and I hope he wont. If he does, Ill probably vent about that another time J

Meanwhile, Mom and Dad, who harassed me about my legal separation last month, now have to move onto something else, since the separation was signed without issue. So now my mom gives me an earful about Were very worried you will let AH back in your life. I begged, pleaded with her that after the financial stuff was settled, please dont make me talk about this now. To no avail. She continued on with the same, as well as the guilt trip of We didnt sleep last night worrying that youll take him back.

 

I of course still love AH, although I cannot live with him. Whether I ever will be able to live with him again is not something I feel equipped to answer at this time. I love mom & dad too, and I know they just want to steer me in the right path (away from pain), but their methods are causing me extra frustration.

 

I cant turn to either my parents for AH for support. He let me down, and they, while their intentions are only good, are trying to pummel me into doing what they want me to do. So Im here, just letting it all out!

 

Ive been going to meetings, reading Getting Them Sober, and have been greatly enjoying Courage to Change which I bought last week. I guess I just still needed to vent. Thanks all for listening/reading.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



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youfoundme


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Glad you came and posted :) Vent away! I know I have done my share :) I am glad to hear you are going to meetings, have you found a sponsor? Having that person to call that is specifically for me, helps oh so much! I also have several alanon friends that I talk to just about every day, either texting or calling. It makes it so I am not isolated and I get out of my own head. I can't turn to my parents or anyone's parents for what I go to alanon for. I have to turn to those who understand, and that is fellow alanon members and ACOA members. Little by little, this stuff is working in my life. Its not an over night 180 degree change, its small baby steps to better living. My sponsor says to "live in the now, live in reality" and that is what I am working on. I hope you keep coming, take care of you :)

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-youfoundme

Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me... 

 
Pushka


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Hugs,

So glad you are going to meetings and agree find a sponsor as soon as you feel comfortable that will help. You can then vent to your sponsor vs venting to your parents because of course they are going to jump on the bandwagon and do the leave him stance. Removing your parents from that side of things will help.

I can empathize with your parents and from the side of things they don't want to see you hurt more, it's hard to watch your child hurt. I find that if I just use the statement "you might be right" or "you could be right" and proceed to change the subject that goes much further than trying to explain my "position" on any given subject. The reality is there are just some things that will always be my choice regardless of what other people think including parents.

Hugs it does get better, just keep coming back and keep working on yourself, P :)



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
nyc018


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Thank you both - I don't have a sponsor yet at this time. I did just vent to my therapist, though. I really try not to discuss any of this with my parents anymore. However, maybe like Pushka says, I should just say "you're right" and leave it at that so that the conversation doesn't have to go on. I just find these discussions disrupt my peace and that's very much against what I need now.
Thanks again, nyc

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Pushka


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nyc018 wrote:

Thank you both - I don't have a sponsor yet at this time. I did just vent to my therapist, though. I really try not to discuss any of this with my parents anymore. However, maybe like Pushka says, I should just say "you're right" and leave it at that so that the conversation doesn't have to go on. I just find these discussions disrupt my peace and that's very much against what I need now.
Thanks again, nyc

It's you MIGHT be right .. LOL .. or you COULD be right.  I find those statements agree to disagree however you aren't committing to anything.  Saying you ARE right commits that you agree with what is said, saying you MIGHT or COULD be right states that you will consider what is being presented so be very, very careful with symetics.

It's a difference of responsibility and of giving power away. That's just my two cents. 

It is a difficult road to walk to the path of serenity it is very much worth it so keep up the good work. :)

 

Hugs P :) 

 



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


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We teach others how to treat us. Myself, I had to learn to tell my Mother it is my decision. When she was helping me, I was a widow she was controlling. She said something about a decision i made. I said then do not help me! I have to make my own decisions and live with the consequences.

You are an adult, I have found that when a child lets their parents know they are an adult and there are things that are off limits, it helps both parties. Parent know to let go, and the adult child becomes more independant and learns.

Even though my Mother was right about my ex AH, I am not sorry I took the leap and got the time I had with him. I hurt, but I learned.

hugs,debilyn



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