HELP NEEDED - BF has just left me and son 3 days after trying to stop drinking. - Al-Anon Family Group

sickgirl · Newbie

HELP NEEDED - BF has just left me and son 3 days after trying to stop drinking.

sickgirl · Newbie

I realize this is not a place I should be looking for advice on my partner's problem, it is more about learning about myself. I didn't know, and I'm sorry if I offended anyone. My life has just been turned upside down, I have a newborn, and I guess I just wanted to break the ice in here. I have so much desire for a better life for my son. I am crushed today.

On a side note, I just looked up his bank account. He went directly to the store after here to get a case of beer. Same charge over and over. . . stupid $9.67.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Julie Welcome to MIP and Alanon

All of us, who live or have lived with the problem of alcoholism come first to "Find out how to help THEM" We know this disease is deadly yet our loved one continues in it. NO need to apologize. I am glad you have taken measures to take care of yourself and child. This disease causes much confusion and pain in all the family. I urge you to continue sharing here and search out alanon Face to face meetings in your community. Look in the White pages. We all need help and support in dealing with this problem Breaking the isolation, Talking with others who understand, using new constructive tools to care for ourselves truly works

To Answer your question Detoxing from alcohol is dangerous. It should be undertaken under medical supervision. The craving for alcohol is extremely strong and alcoholic will say or do almost anything to obtain his "Drug of Choice".

Please join alanon and pick up the literature. It will answer many questions and keep sharing here

Please keep coming back You are not alone.

-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 15th of October 2011 06:33:58 PM

sickgirl · Newbie

Thank you. Thank you so much.

I just received this message from him, and my heart is broken: Be proud you saved me from drifting. There's no more you can do for me. You save me but you can't save me from myself.

This has been a long time coming, and if I was more emotionally stable I probably wouldn't have spent so many years with him. It makes me scared to look at myself.

I feel like I'm addicted to his addiction. I'm so used to the craziness of it I'm scared I won't know what calm is, or understand what a normal relationship would feel like. Most of all I'm scared my son will feel these things from me.

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Keep Coming Back! Yes, in part we are addicted to him. In my family when they leave, we call it the fade-away. You have come to the right place. Focus on your own recovery.

In support,
Nancy

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs,

This is never easy especially in the beginning of trying to figure out why we weren't enough and the reality is we never were enough. The 3 c's, We didn't cause the addiction, We can't control the addiction and we can't cure it.

Please keep coming back and it does get better.

Hugs P :)

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Julie,

(((Julie)))

Welcome to Miracles In Progress and others who have been effected by the disease of alcoholism. You have to remember the problems alcohol has caused in your life did not happen overnight and they won't go away overnight. Coming to MIP today was a big step in changing your life for the better. The advice we give in Al-Anon is called our experience, strength, and hope........not really advice, but what has worked for us. How we dealt with the problems alcohol caused in our life. I received my ES&H from members who came before me. Members who freely gave back to me what the program had given them.

When I first became a member, like you the disease had consumed me, made me crazy, confused, and lost. After years of going it alone someone told me I should try Al-Anon. I had nothing to lose. I found a meeting that very night, and I can honestly say it's the best thing I could have possibly done for myself. I found a new family, just as you have found a new family here at MIP, a family who didn't judge me, cared for me, and only wanted the best for me. You have to experience that feeling for yourself to truly understand.

Keep coming back and posting. It's very important for you to read prior post on this site. Learn all you can about the disease of alcoholism. Most important, find a meeting in your area and start your recovery. This program works and your life will get better, not overnight, but one day at a time. You need and deserve what Al-Anon offers.

Julie, I care, we care, and you don't have to be alone anymore.

HUGS,
RLC

-- Edited by RLC on Sunday 16th of October 2011 12:36:13 AM

rrib · Senior Member

sickgirl wrote:
My question is, are his mood swings and somewhat confusion withdrawal related?
Also when he stops drinking he gets excruiciating pains in his right side.

Expect his emotional issues to get worse until he stops drinking AND starts working a program of recovery.

Heavy drinking will likely effect his liver and colon. In either case, he's due for a visit to the doctor.

IF he stops drinking and begins a recovery program his mood swings and confusion may improve over time - measured in months and years not days or weeks.

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Do not apologize for how you feel....and if you love the guy, of course you will want to seek advice about how to help. ALL of us have done it. This is a place where we accept you and support you.

withdrawal from alcohol is a significant medical event, and in my opinion, should be done with medical supervision. the detox process is different for everyone. That being said, you can only take care of YOU (and the kids).

This is a really lousy time...I remember many nights of no sleep doing what I call "spinning" -- thoughts over and over in my mind..."what is going to happen to him? to me? how will I live? etc etc." there are still nights when I spend the night spinning, nearly a year after separating from my AH.

Though the one day at a time thing sounds cliche, it was the best way to proceed for me. Surround yourself with support to the degree that you can, and be gentle, go slow. This problem didn't arrive overnight, and you don't need to fix it overnight. Breathe, eat healthy food, and if you need to, take things an hour at a time.

Sending you strength....

clep · Senior Member

I remember the day my A left....all three times. He left the first time because I was in the way of his booze and cocaine use. The second time because he was having an affair with a girl from his work....but he told me it was for recovery. The third time was also for recovery he said.

I was embarassed that I accepted him back after he left us three times. The last time he left, he did start a strong program of recovery. We were separate for a year and he worked he program the whole time.

I was devistated when he left as was our son. I was grateful after the last time, because he learned that a program of recovery was required to be able to have a healthy relationship with himself and others.

When he was on his own, he did not have me to blame anymore for his issues. I too received the messages much like the one that you received. My A sent them in an attempt to evoke emotion in me and keep me mentally involved with him, even though he left me.

I went on with my life when he was gone and didn't worry about him or what he was doing. He was a big boy and managed before me. He would manage without me too. I took the time to look after myself.

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome!!! I am glad you shared and please don't apologize or worry about offending us. We are a loving and supportive group here for growth! I hope you are able to make it to Al-anon face to face meetings. Sending you love, support, courage and strength on your journey!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.