for crying out loud - Al-Anon Family Group

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

for crying out loud

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Just because you broke down and made the call doesn't mean you have to follow up. It sounds like a canker sore that hurts and you are going to bit it anyhow to make sure it's still there. If he calls you can always change your story to "just wanted to say hi" or "Oh it wasn't important...." It may feel right to try and put a stamp of closure the way you want it by telling him all your thoughts and feelings on how unfair this is and what not but it will just make things worse. It will be another dose of the insanity that caused your relationship to end and you can count on that.

P.S. I do understand how you feel and have been there but I think only time and distance is gonna continue to heal you from this.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I remember way back when, thinking what if I leave him and he finally gets it together. The thing is, they don't.

Addiction is an incurable disease. They will always be addicts. With all the roller coaster stuff. Sure there will be good times if they have a strong program/map learning how to be moral, treat others properly etc. Sadly, usually it does not last.

You are not missing out of anything. It sounds like you made the wisest choice for you when you cut it off.As far as him having a gf, etc. for me I reminded myself what he does is none of my business.

Doesn't matter that someone says I am NOT putting up with, or being with an addict. Becuz if they end up with one,nothing they say means anything. Does not change a thing.

As for you, face to face meetings would help you. You need support for you. It really is a good thing to be with just yourself for awhile to grow and find out who you are, find out what your strengths are.

I learned a man in my life is extra, it's not a need, it's a want. Of course we come to need them in a healthy way in time. Nothing is better than having a relationship where two whole people come together. Two broken pieces never work.

I am glad you are here. Keep coming and sharing. Honestly I do know how you feel. Sad thing is we do not get what we need in these situations. I hope you don't feel worse if he calls!

hugs,debilyn

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs LU = CU :)

I agree with both Deb and pinkchip, you don't have to follow through on your initial thought of talking to him. The other thing is that the face to face meetings really do make a difference. I'm glad you are in counseling hearing it from others who are living it really plows me over in a good way. Sometimes it opens a new level of healing and it invites old pains that need to be dealt with accordingly and let go of.

It does get better if we only take things one day at a time.

Hugs P :)

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

From my recent experience: It hurts to talk to them in a situation like this.

If I had it to do over again I would totally play it off like I was doing just great.

It would be soooo hard BUT IF he calls back and it was me I wouldn't answer....

You can always talk later but you can't pull the words back in your mouth!

Besides it's FUN my ex A doesn't know how to act when he thinks I'm doing okay...then eventually I was doing okay for real and it''s great...

Oh and I don't know what's up the the "story" you got about how he's doing but no way,,, an alcoholic just does not stop and get better in 6 months...so you can forget about that being real. I think maybe your getting "played" ....

't

-- Edited by glad on Thursday 13th of October 2011 01:24:01 PM

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi lookingup,

Welcome to the board. As you know, it's a great place to share ESH (experience, strength and hope).

I hope you continue to share with us. There's always support available here.

silentcygnet · Member

Lookingup,
I am new here like you and can so relate to everything that you talk about. I struggle every day with wanting to try to get back with my AH, but I know that what is healthy for me is to remain apart while he is so sick. Your boyfriend is in no way in recovery, so have no fear of that. I need to remember at times like this to take extra special care of me, and I want that for you too. I am thinking about you, and please don't feel alone!

BTW, have you read the Getting Them Sober books? I first heard about them on this board and I read and reread parts of them almost daily...you may find some support and hope there as well.

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

You can go to their web site and read chapters of the book.

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

ive got the book thank yall so much

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.