The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was carrying so much anger when I walked into the rooms of alanon that I could not feel any other emotion. I felt completely comfortable with indifference, apathy, and disdain. As a newcomer I absolutely hated what my AH did to me and the life I was having as a result of his choices. Today I am reminded that anger is but one letter away from danger.
I don't have experience with loved ones who have gone to rehab. The alcoholics in my life are active in their disease. For me working the steps with a face to face sponsor really transformed me. Whether I liked it or not, Alcoholism changed and distorted me. It affected how I was a parent to my children. My anger and frustration towards my AH came out sideways towards them. I knew I had to change. I always wanted better for the kids than I ever wanted for myself. Otherwise they would pay the high price of passing on the disease. It is like a gift that keeps on giving.
One day at a time I have the choice to pick up the tools of the program so that I can find balance, peace, and serenity. When I work the program on a daily basis, maintain and improve my spiritual condition, go to meetings, and do service work, I rarely react to those that harm me. (That includes the insanity of having young children because they can be emotional roller coasters.) Alanon's 12 steps and traditions have helped me to be the parent I have always wanted to be, one day at a time.
Today I know my family members have a disease. They have no power over their drinking. After some time in the program I was able to see they were really trying but the compulsion inevitably takes over. Today I realize failure is an event, not a person. I am grateful for the spiritual gifts of compassion, patience, tolerance, and love. I cling to the thought they did not ask for this disease any more than I did. I see that now.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Anger has become a warning sign for me that I need to go to a meeting, talk to my sponsor and discover what is going on within me to cause a reaction. Time and time again I have found the answer is within me.
"If I am always reacting, I am never free" Courage to Change pp 267
Tommye, you know, these words really hit home with how I am feeling right now with my business partner. Thank you for this great share here, showing that it does work.... You are right, the answer is within me on my problems with her, I allowed her to treat me the way she did, in fact, I probably taught her to treat me that way by allowing it to go on. I know my part in it....
And I like what you said about the alcoholic or addict, that they did not ask for the disease any more than I did... to not use those gifts: Compassion, patience, tolerance and love can cause me so much pain...When I begin my day on a spiritual note, and take those gifts with me, Ido feel alot better about life... Thanks for this :) HUGS.
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Thank you for this post. It hits home for me today too, as I'm still dealing with the feelings you describe in your first sentences. Ive been harboring a lot of anger at my AH, from whom I'm separated (but still speak with almost daily). After the crisis which landed him in rehab for 2 weeks early last month, I was mostly sad, but now as some time passed my feelings have turned to anger. His alcoholism, which rapidly progressed to sheer insanity over the summer, made my life hell, and led to him getting fired from a good job. While I tell myself he didnt choose this, I cant help my thoughts of how could you do this to me and our son? How could you just leave me with all the responsibilities? How could you throw away your job for this? What were you thinking?? You are a father, for goodness sakes! Why cant you just be normal? I havent said any of this to him, because it wont change the situation. Plus, I guess he may be asking himself the same things, now that hes been sober for over a month, although I dont really discuss his recovery with him. However, alanon has helped me learn that my reaction is in my control. I will get to a meeting this week, and am really looking forward to receiving my copy of Courage to Change, which I ordered online a few days ago. I hope to find a lot of wisdom there and will go straight to it when the feeling start to simmer.
One of my favorite sayings is "Forgive...it frees YOUR soul". It is extremely hard to live through the insanity of alcoholism when you are sane and sober. A person wears an armour to try to get through each and every day and it can take a long time and lots of Alanon and healing to peal off those layers. You are working the program... and its working.
Your share really hit home for me tonight and I thank you for the lesson learned. I needed a big reminder especially with my anger lately, my kids always get the frustrated me when I deal with exAH more than I need to. Keep up the great awareness and thanks for sharing!!! Sending you love and support on your journey!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
