The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Day 4 of detox/rehab. Anybody know when the light at the end of the tunnel will be visable?
So far he's gone through all of the emotions, along with denial, deal making, saying it's back pain causing the physical symptoms NOT withdrawal, that he's going to leave today, tomorrow, next week...etc. Thank God he's still there at this point. One day at a time, I know.... =0)
I'm just wondering if there's a sort of general idea when the alcohol clears them enough that they can start making rational decisions?
One of the important questions I had to learn to answer was, "How long had she been practicing her addiction?" Then I had to factor in "She/we didn't get here overnight...and we won't find our way out of it overnight either." Patience is a recovery tool a big big one and understanding helps work it.
Keep coming back. If you haven't checked out the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups in your area I suggest what I did. Go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hotline number for Al-Anon and call for the places and times we get together. I took a bit of a longer route on that one as I called that number after I called Susicide Prevention Center and Help in Emotional Troubles; both of which had no one available to help me. Thanks God for how it worked out.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off. With a light switch the light comes back on almost instantly. With recovery things start to flow slowly.
At first there is a lot of muck to sort through. There is often real damage to be corrected and it takes time. I doubt the A will believe it but the brain can still be healing after a year. Thinking, from a good program, should provide progressive changes for a lifetime.
Not drinking is only a small part of recovery but it is necessary. A lifetime of learned behaviors and behaviors that should have been learned require time to sort out and change.
Paulie, I don't know what circumstances led your alcoholic to rehab, but it sounds as if he's not incredibly committed. That is pretty common, actually. Some people feel committed before they go, some "get it" along the way, some have to go to rehab multiple times. Some, sadly, never "get it." Now, there are thousands, perhaps millions of alcoholics out there who have been through recovery and have been sober for the long term, and who will stay sober for the rest of their lives. We shouldn't disregard that.
What I wish someone had told me, though, when I was starting through this journey, is that statistically most people who enter a recovery program do not recover. By that I mean they do not achieve longterm sobriety. The statistics are that somewhere around 70%-90% do not make it. Addiction is very, very powerful.
I wish I had known this because I had put my life on hold waiting for him to "get it." I kept thinking it would be just around the corner. Finally he went to AA, and I was so relieved and delighted. Then he declared AA was pointless and not for him. Fast-forward several years, and he was ordered into rehab by the court. Again I was relieved and delighted. After a month-long rehab, he went into AA. Then the slips started. All along he had veered between "I'll just stop drinking because it's easy because I'm not an alcoholic" and "There's no need for me to stop drinking, I'm not like one of THEM." There was never really a point where I could say that he "got it." I'm leaving out a lot of relapses. It's more than fifteen years later and he's still drinking. I wish I had known the Al-Anon saying, "He's going to do what he's going to do, what are you going to do?" I wish I'd started living my life the way I wanted to without waiting for him to join me.
That's just something to be aware of. I hope things go well for you. You can live a great life no matter what decisions he makes. Learn all you can and keep coming back.
During my 40 years on the planet this time around I have come to learn that my rational decision is not always equal to what another person calls a rational decision.....
The physical alcohol clearing the system is only one facet of recovery. The grip the addiction has on the mind is one other and both affect the decision making skills of that person. As a wife of a struggling recovering alcoholic who is slipping back into denial that he ever was an alcoholic after two years of him dancing around recovery, I just try to remember that it is not my job to worry about someone else making rational decisions. I can only worry about my own decisions. Worrying about the recoverying-alcoholic's decisions was quickly leading me into insanity. There has been TONS of irrational nonsense coming out of my husband, just as much after he has tried to quit drinking as when he was when drunk. At first it was more alarming because he wasn't drinking but now I see it for what it is (part of the disease) and don't get hyped up or feed into it.
I have heard one year to 18 months from a source I choose to trust, that the brain can rebuild itself physically.
But that from learning new behavior or rather an emotional wellbeing standpoint that speed can be increased or decreased by working a program or NOT working a program.
That makes sence to me because the brain is an organ yet the only one that we choose how to use.
-- Edited by glad on Monday 10th of October 2011 05:08:40 AM
From my observations, I don't think there is a general time frame. Is this your husband's first rehab?
My exAH has been drinking since he was a teenager; he is now 60. At what age he began to drink excessively, I'm uncertain because he hid his consumption throughout our 36-year marriage.
In 2007 he got his first DUI; a few months later I moved out and he had somewhat of a breakdown and admitted himself into a rehab. He stayed 28 days, but he got out and began drinking soon after. Then in 2010, he admitted himself again (we were divorced by then) and again began to drink soon after.
This summer, after vacationing for 3 months he came home and tried to sober up for one of our son's wedding. He found he couldn't just stop drinking without horrible hallucinations. So back into rehab he went. The first two weeks of the 3rd rehab was "iffy." He kept threatening to leave - walk out - because he knew what he had to do, so he said.
But something happened; I don't know exactly what. But he decided to stay and that 3rd week a different person began to emerge. That man is still present.
Hopefully, 3rd time is a charm for him. So far he is doing extremely well. He attends AA meetings as though they are going out of style. He has a whole different group of friends now that he camps with and goes out to have coffee after the AA meetings. It's beautiful.
Will it last? I don't know. All I know is that I continue to take care of myself.
Are you attending Al-Anon meetings? And can you go to group sessions at the rehab facility? Where my ex went, they had what they called Family Night. This night was for the clients and their family members. They did a lot of education on alcoholism those nights. Very helpful to all attendees.
I encourage you to try Al-Anon and read as many of the prior posts here. Also, post as frequently as you like. There are so many great people on this board! You'll love 'em.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Keep taking care of you! Are you able to make it to a meeting or do you have a sponsor? The only help I can give is to send you love and support at this hard time!
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
