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My SO is in rehab, day 4 of detox, and has just called to inform me that I am now his Higher Power. Talk about stress!! Can a person actually be a successful HP?? Doesn't that make ME in control of his sobriety?? How can I be his HP???
What I am hoping for is that he gets enough time, education, and guidance while he's in rehab that he changes his mind about this and chooses another more appropriate HP. In the meantime, he gets very agitated if I suggest that I am not a 'Power' at all, but his supportive and loving SO.
For more background, we have been divorced for 27 years, and have recently reunited. I have no addiction issues, thank God. I am very very supportive and am taking a very active part in his recovery. He went to rehab 17 years ago, and was clean and sober for the first 13 years afterward.
Any advice on what to say or how to deal with this? I feel as though not saying anything will lead him to believe I agree with being his HP, but disagreeing with him just can't get anywhere at this time, either.
Thank you, and God bless all of you for being here for all of us.
If he is in rehab. and AA surely someone will guide him to an alternate view?
In the meantime perhaps just a statement about how glad you are he is in recovery???
I don't know for sure but agree that arguing with someone who is trying yet obviously misguided isn't helpful...and accepting this role is not helpful.
I know if I disagreed with my ex A he would fight to the death to defend his view but if he changed it on his own that was a good thing...
My RA told me - well after he had decided this - that he thought of ME as his Higher Power. I blurted, " No I'm not!!" And started waving my arms like " HALT!" in front of me. He seemed to get it, and said I wasn't any more, but the reality is he put too much responsibility for his life on me whether he acknowledged I was his HP or not. So my sense is, arguing is futile. However, humor for its own sake might not hurt. In hindsight I wish I'd laughed, " Well if I'm a deity, then I should be treated like one!" Of course I didn't go there, but it's a fun thought.
And if you're a deity, you should be treated like one too!
I would have liked my ex to consider his love for me and wanting a life with me as his higher power.
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I can't say it's not a form of flattery in a way, but IMHO it is also very unhealthy and would be putting too much responsibility for his sobriety on me. I just want to be sure my thinking/feelings are in line with AA and AlAnon.
I tried that and it didn't work for my alcoholic/addict wife or for me and then I found out also that I was getting in the way of the real power greater than myself and the disease of alcoholism...or God as I understand God...had to learn that also.
Today if an alcoholic or alcoholic/addict said that to me I'd..... ..... ..... just laugh like hell and get myself fired right away. LOL (((((hugs)))))
Making 1 other person your higher power is a recipe of some sick codepency. The alcoholic and/or addict needs a higher power that is larger than 1 person. It needs to be something constant and a source of strength that the person can draw from any time he or she wants. Another person cannot be all things to us. Making another person "God" is a set up for their own failure and it's a set up for you to be in a positive that you cannot possibly fulfil. In all likelihood, he meant it to be sweet or sappy and just doesn't understand the program yet (I hope).
Resign from the position immedatley , this is a fav nono of mine . In essecence he is making you responsible for his sobriety another way for him to avoid responsibility .. You were not responsible for his drinking nor are you responsible for his sobriety . If your not already please find meetings for yourself you need support . And if there is a family session involved in his treatment let them know you are not prepared to take on the responsibility he has given you . once out in the open others will surley let him know that the request is unreasonable . Playing God and thinking I knew what was best for other people always got me into alot of trouble , not an option to day .
-- Edited by abbyal on Tuesday 11th of October 2011 05:21:07 PM
Yup, and I'm happy happy happy to say he's done the way important 180 thing and has been wonderful. He 'gets it', and his whole attitude has changed. I told him that being his HP would put me in the way of HIM finding his HP, and he was ok with that after some conversation.
I'm so thankful you all are here to help me through this!!
