The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Have been married to my AH for almost 8 years, only in the last 2 did I become aware of his addictions, and only in the last 6 months have I been in involved in Alanon. It has been transforming and lifesaving for me. Things have improved with my AH, he goes to AA meetings, although has not committed to the program, I see glimmers of hope from his behavior as of late. While I realize he will never be 'normal' in many ways I do love him and am hopeful that through working on myself that our marriage can survive.
I would love to hear some success stories. I read a lot about divorce, etc. but could sure use some good old fashioned hope. Anyone?
You sound like the few I've heard of who were "success stories" (or rather the few I've talked to whose spouse got sober) there are few but they all seem similar in that the alanon always sounded in control of themselves and able to let the Alcoholic be who they are and not take it personally.. YOU sound like a success story..living each day and loving it as it is NOW.. Not waiting for 'when" things get better to have a happy life.
The one thread I have heard that ran through each story of a person whose alcoholic did get sober was "I took care of me" and then he had to look at himself and sometimes they don't but I still would have been fine because of my program and taking care of me.
-- Edited by glad on Sunday 9th of October 2011 09:44:54 AM
I do believe you can obtain many inspirational, recovery stories by attending open meetings of AA. There you will hear first hand their pain, struggles, triumphant and failures.
My own husband was in 10 rehabs within 2 years and everyone had given up. He stopped drinking, was a dedicated member of AA, , Served on the hospital service committee and died sober after 6 years of sobriety.
My home group has more than 1 couple who are still together and their spouses are sober and there are a couple who are still with their active A's and they are success stories to me because they live with active alcoholism and still make the best of every day. I think that's the best any of us can do is live our lives to the fullest regardless if our sig other is in the picture or not or actively drinking or actively practicing a program.
Hugs :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I agree with Betty. At AA meetings you can meet a lot of successful sober alcoholics. This past year, I've attended a handful of AA meetings. I'm in awe of these recovering alcoholics.
My exAH, who is 60, has been sober for the past 4 months. He had attempted rehab and sobriety several times before. His bottom was when he would try to stop drinking and couldn't becuase of horrendeous hallucinations. In addition, he realized that some of his health challenges are due to his drinking.
He now believes that if he were to pick up the bottle again, he'd be dead soon. (His words, not mine)
For him, it took almost two years to hit bottom after we separated and then divorced. During those 2 years, I gradually learn to place the focus on me and take care of myself. I stopped trying to "save" him because I realized that only he and his HP could do that.
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Sunday 9th of October 2011 11:44:14 AM
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
My wife is sober now for 23 years. I've been sober for 19. We met in A.A. and are married for 14 years. We both attend meetings, A.A. and Al-Anon.
Things aren't perfect. There are plenty of 'issues' and we have our share or problems. Who doesn't? For me (and her too) this is the longest lasting and 'healthiest' relationship I've ever been in.
My previous marriages and relationships were crazy and full of abuse on both sides. I'm fond of telling people, this time I haven't thrown a single beer can at her or soda can either. So, I guess that's progress.
If your husband has not committed to the program nothing will change. There is a direct quote in AA about this which is "Half measures availed us nothing." This means you gotta do AA full force or it doesn't work (especially in the start). I did that and have been sober 3 years now. Sober ever since my first meeting. This is because I worked hard at his and did not half-ass it. I think you have reason to home when you see your husband doing the same (walking the walk)....until then, focus on your own success story
My Dad was taken to a rehab when I was 8 years old. His work mates took him and dropped him off and to this day (I am 40) I remember that phone call Mum got to say where he was and what had happened. I remember most of that time like it was last year not in 1979!!!!
My Dad has never had an alcoholic drink since 4 April 1979.
He was a dry drunk for many years... I grew up in an alcoholic home but there was no alcohol after that date. Now that is a definition of confusion.
My parents are still together and are due for thier 60th wedding anniversary next year. They are happy now, or so they seem. I saw them hold hands for the first time ever in my life only about 10 years ago. It blew me away.
I have many issues with my Dad and myfamily, but I also have pride in him at what he did to make his marriage and life better. Its confusing... hahaha... and complicated as all things are in life....
But if that is your definition of success, he found AA through rehab then Mum went to Al Anon and I to Al Ateen. He has not had a drink since then... that that is a success story.
My husband is 7 yrs. sober and never went to AA. I have had people insist he must be a dry drunk, but not so. I remind those people that there are many paths to sobriety and HP and his way worked for him.
We'll be celebrating our 25th anniversary next month. Life is good :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am in the middle of working on me while living with someone who qualifies me for alanon. He is active, but because of the changes in me, his activity is not as much as it used to be and when he does drink, he doesn't usually get as drunk as he used to, its a beer or two rather than 2 pints of vodka. So each day what I do is pray to my HP to help me through. When things are getting tough, I pray for help. I pray quickly sometimes just "Help me" and somehow I do get through things. Another thing I do is read One Day at a time in alanon, Courage to Change and As we understood... I did read Getting Them Sober as well. I started putting up boundaries and I started living in today. When I do that, things go a lot better for me and the family. I still slip too, and a slip for me is falling back into reacting instead of responding. I slip and say "why'd you buy a beer?" when he gets home instead of saying "Hey how was your day?"... There was a passage recently that said something about those in alanon being able to talk the talk, but not walking the walk...That they wouldn't have the softness and love that comes with really working a program, for the alcoholic in their life. They would still be mean to him if he drank. So I have started to be soft and gentle and am working on not questioning him all the time and trying to not orchestrate his life, question him on things or mother him. I am working on letting him be his own person. And its helping. However he finds sobriety, I am going to continue to work on me and live my life fully :) Take care of you! I hope Tommye comes by this post, she too is living with and active A and working the program :) HUGS!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
