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So I had a little slip last night. My AH who has taken no interest in what I do or don't do in 13 years has decided he doesn't like those rules which is fine. I need time to adjust. Well, I've always been an open book and I'm not a closed book I just choose not to be always 100% open, I'm always transparent. I have nothing to hide. For years I never went anywhere so this is very different for him to have to process. Years ago I would have just blurted out what my day was, where I had gone .. I liked to chatter. He always knows when he's home what I"m doing. If I was out running around having an affair with the local cabana boy (cause I'm such a cougar rawww) or my antics were being discussed at his work I would understand his behavior more. Ahem, if I was being arrested or staying out all night I would understand better. Yes, that's an issue that still sticks in my craw. I have to get past that one and I will, it's just really hard to want to be more open when those are tapes that play in my mind. I am texting him to let him know if I am out past meeting time. I sitll don't find I need to report to him. I'm not doing things on purpose either to go out of my way to infer I'm doing something when I'm not .. kwim? If I was poking him and saying HA HA .. you can't stop me that's another issue. This is just normal everyday stuff OR it's alanon stuff. There is no cabana boy or local hot farmer .. lol. Well it would have to be the local hot farmers SON as the dad's are in their 70's.
Anyway, I got slammed last night because dinner wasn't finished when he got home. I say slammed because all of a sudden I was asked for a detailed schedule of what did I do with my time. WOW!! Really? Hmmm .. the first response in my mind was and I owe you this information because ... ? I was a busy lady yesterday. I had laundry to put away (which takes time and effort when the pile is taller than I am, we had additional laundry because of the leaking the other day), there was the regular cleaning and I did do some phone stuff my mom (thank God she's stopped talking about wearing grandma's under garments .. lol), she's still dealing with her grief and doing it in a healthier way now. A good girlfriend of mine called she has enough drama for 10 people and I just listen. That's all she wants or needs. 4pm I started with dinner, it takes a LOT of chopping so I did that, that was an hours worth of time, pick the kids up, I did stop at the grocery store and I went to a cigar store (I like cigars from time to time, I actually don't smoke cigs), by the time I got home it was 6pm at 620 I am called by my AH to pick him up again fine, however he originally told me 7pm so that put a crimp in my dinner making plans as I had just started getting things in order. So no when he came home dinner was not ready to eat and it was going to take another 30 min the hard part was already done though it was more putting it all together. Well had he just waited until 7pm guess what dinner would have been done.
I did fine with the not responding where I slipped, darn it, I was mad and I allowed it to affect my evening. After dinner was made I did make him his plate (sometimes we just eat in front of the tv) I decided not to engage him so I got on the computer. I got up today and I was still put out .. UGH UGH UGH .. so not happening!! I am going to enjoy my day and not allow this minutiae (sp?) to affect me. I know that dinner really isn't the issue and even the other lists he brought out right now all he's got is dinner and bills. Of which I didn't engage, LOL .. it was hard not to add you forgot X,Y,Z .. LOL! I was good verbally in my mind not so much. I guess it's more important that I didn't say something.
It's interesting I can see how much I have changed just based upon his responses to what is happening. God love the man, I don't know what to say outside of the fact there is no going backwards for me. So he can either keep moving forward or get the hell out of the way because this is happening. He is probably REALLY have a hard time when he finds out I"m going back to school. I am having second thoughts about telling him. Until I have to which translates to when I take more than 1 class I have no intention of telling him.
Anyway, I'm headed to a meeting today get my head on straight (no he doesn't know this) and tonight I'm going to another meeting (open AA he knows i'm going he doesn't know it's an open AA though). I am not doing anything wrong or hurtful to him, this is totally about me. I'm not going to share if I'm going to be attacked in some way.
Dinner is in the crock pot and we're having a balsamic chicken and rice deal. So his dinner WILL be ready when he gets home .. LOL. It's like ok what's really going on and if it's something he wants to sit down and talk about it I'm more than happy to listen and share what's going on with me. I am not going to sit and listen to a bunch of bs that has nothing to do with the real issue at hand. Sooo .. he's living in a whole new world.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aww Pushka, you have a lot of strength. Great great share... I like how you are able to get to some meetings today and share that it does help to go to them :) I have my ACOA tonight. I love open AA, haven't gotten to one of those in a while... Maybe tomorrow I will go to one again. It always helps me see the other side. HUGS to you, keep coming :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
My intention is not to send the message that how he feels doesn't matter, this is the dawn of a new day and our house is very different than even 3 weeks ago. Now that the kids are back in school, I'm not sitting at home wringing my hands over what are we going to do. I can't is kind of out of my sentence structure. Where I am is completely unpredictable, it has to be a little unnerving I know I would feel the same way. I mean years I was at home and didn't go anywhere, now he may call and I'm out with an alanon sister, or I've decided to go for a walk at the park, or I'm just out not doing anything particular just out. Today was a meeting. OR I'm actually at home doing house stuff. He really wanted to negate that last night in a bad way. I'm not taking care of what I need to take care of, and that's not true. Yes, dinner was late it was a good dinner, however it wasn't late because I was sitting on my butt eating bon bons all day.
Well, if he was working the hours he was working all these hours and it was MY DUI then yes I would understand why he was so angry. Now that I kind of think about it .. because I have taken all of the responsibility for so long on things it has to really be shocking that I'm no longer owning what is not mine. He is stunned and that cushion of well P will just take it on is just gone. It's not kind of there it's totally GONE. I guess I can understand why he would be taking his anger out on me. I can tolerate it at this point because it's not verbally abusive and it's not going to go there either. It's on him with what is his stuff. His mom, his friend, his residual DUI stuff, his license. He got sent a clear message that I was not going to take on this stuff as mine anymore. It's not to say I'm going "you flipping jerk" about it, it's more "gee honey it sounds like it would be a good opportunity to take a day off and take care of that stuff." Where as before I would be going, "do you want me to .. (fill in the blank)." It has to bother him knowing I could be anywhere in our little town and I'm not doing HIS stuff.
Whatever is or is not going on with him I know what IS going on with me. What's going on with me is I'm in a place where I feel comfortable knowing what I own and what I don't and believe me I have enough to keep track of without owning all his stuff too.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
yes- agreed- you have your own stuff to keep track on and his insecurities and problems have to be his to deal with- this sounds like a control issue which is triggered by his anxiety...like i said, he has got to try and get through it- you can help him- but allowing yourself to be controlled wont help anyway- because their anxiety never goes away. you are your own person with things yu want to do and this is your right- and he needs to accept this- like you said- you both have to move forward...am i keeping up? or am i losing the plot? lol
anyway....sounds like you are doing really well!! I am V proud of yu!!
or my antics were being discussed at his work I would understand his behavior more. Ahem, if I was being arrested or staying out all night I would understand better. Yes, that's an issue that still sticks in my craw. 
I have to get past that one and I will, it's just really hard to want to be more open when those are tapes that play in my mind. I am texting him to let him know if I am out past meeting time. I sitll don't find I need to report to him. I'm not doing things on purpose either to go out of my way to infer I'm doing something when I'm not .. kwim? If I was poking him and saying HA HA .. you can't stop me that's another issue. This is just normal everyday stuff OR it's alanon stuff. There is no cabana boy or local hot farmer .. lol. Well it would have to be the local hot farmers SON as the dad's are in their 70's. 
Really? Hmmm .. the first response in my mind was and I owe you this information because ... ? I was a busy lady yesterday. I had laundry to put away (which takes time and effort when the pile is taller than I am, we had additional laundry because of the leaking the other day), there was the regular cleaning and I did do some phone stuff my mom (thank God she's stopped talking about wearing grandma's under garments .. lol), she's still dealing with her grief and doing it in a healthier way now. A good girlfriend of mine called she has enough drama for 10 people and I just listen. That's all she wants or needs. 4pm I started with dinner, it takes a LOT of chopping so I did that, that was an hours worth of time, pick the kids up, I did stop at the grocery store and I went to a cigar store (I like cigars from time to time, I actually don't smoke cigs), by the time I got home it was 6pm at 620 I am called by my AH to pick him up again fine, however he originally told me 7pm so that put a crimp in my dinner making plans as I had just started getting things in order. So no when he came home dinner was not ready to eat and it was going to take another 30 min the hard part was already done though it was more putting it all together. Well had he just waited until 7pm guess what dinner would have been done.