The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I struggle with some major depression issues that stem from my childhood traumas and other things that I allowed to happen to me as an adult. I have PTSD, ADHD, and General Anxiety disorder with Panic attacks that occur for no reason at all. The last few days I have felt terrible inside. My mind is sick and I was out of sorts, even with contact with my sponsor, I couldn't seem to get right. I take vitamins and supplements, fish oil, extra D3, Garlic, and a homeopathic remedy for my sick mind. So I have all that stuff, I have my sponsor, readings, the board and alanon friends and yet my mind still wants to fight me and tell me what an awful person I am. How I don't belong in this place, I shouldn't exsist... I fell into that hole and just wanted to give up this morning. Our money situation is terrible. My fiance got a new job that is full time, so things will turn around soon, but because he just started, he hasn't gotten a pay check yet. We dont' have enough for rent. If we pay the rent, we won't be able to get food. If we get food we can't pay the rent. SO I called to see if we qualify for any benefits. I guess we are too rich. I laughed at that. So I called some food banks, and will hopefully get a call from them to get signed up. The thing is the food they give is usually very unhealthy and not very helpful for the kid's school lunches.
Anyway, I was flailing around in the pit of despair and I texted an alanon friend from the board here. Well she suggested a gratitude list. I thought "yeah, right what do I have to be grateful for? I have nothing...." Then I did the list. Suddenly I realized I have things to be grateful for. I won't get into listing it all here, but I would say a job is one, healthy kids is another, the sunshine today... and then she suggested a "Powerless" list. Well I had no idea what that was. It is a list of things that I am powerless over. I kind of had no idea how that would work, but let me tell you, when I started listing the things (Money, weather, customers at work, work itself, computers, etc.) my problems became so much smaller and they were down to right size....
My sponsor was working today so I couldn't talk with her, but my friend from alanon helped, so the tools of reaching out do work. I can't say enough how that great that tool is for me. If I don't reach out in real time to a friend in alanon, I would probably have not gotten through the day as well as I did.
Thanks all and thanks to my HP for guiding me to take action to call a friend....
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
It's so easy to get into that pit and stay there, I'm so glad you found a way out it's much better to look at life from outside of that hole. It's not always easy to see or do, however it's always there when we are ready.
I've had to ask to be late on rent the late fees are the pits at least though something is better than nothing.
Hugs P :)
You guys are lifted up in my prayers
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks Pushka... we will probably just go with being late and do the late fee. Its not every month, just sometimes... THanks for your thoughts and prayers...
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Thank you for sharing your struggles and how you've reached out and turned things around. I appreciate having you here and identify a lot with what you've written as I struggle with anxiety and depression myself. There have been dark, dark days and times of panic, but I have made huge progress over the last few years. I've learned so much about what helps me, triggers me, and how to take better care of myself to regulate my anxiety and depression - especially during times when life's circumstances get really crazy.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time and I really hope better times are around the corner for you and your family. I just wanted to let you know, as you've found, you're not alone and it gets better! You did great reaching out and working that gratitude list!!
Thanks for sharing so honestly and openly. The times that I, too, have struggled with some of those exact issues, it wouldn't helped me SO MUCH to know that I wasn't the only one. I didn't have anyone to share with when I couldn't pay my bills and had to choose between gas and groceries or rent ... and since I wasn't opening up to others, nobody was just randomly opening up to me. I think you'll find that you're certainly not alone - and maybe that knowledge doesn't pay the bills, but maybe it will soothe a little of the anxiety. You're right, it's not forever. Although things are tricky, today you're not homeless and under a bridge.
Prayers, friend. I've been there, too. Keep reaching out - the isolation of keeping it inside makes it so much harder.
And, I also had a lot of childhood issues that cause me anxiety and depression. I worked through them and have the ability to put things in to proper perspective.
There is hope to work through whatever is bothering you. Keep the faith.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I would have told you I suffered from half those mental health disorder a few years ago. When I focus on me as a person, minus labels, and when I stay in today, I don't suffer from any of those labels really. Why? I choose not to suffer. I do take meds for depression and anxiety, and have since I was in my early 20s but I work full time, go to meetings, work out...I quit smoking...have lost weight. Don't let any label or your past dictate your future. If someone told me this is where I would be several years ago, I would have told them they were full of crap. I get on the pity pot too sometimes, but I cannot afford to stay there...
To piggy back on what others have said, you have just shown the power of asking for help. When we break the silence and reach out for help, our troubles no longer paralyze us. It has been my experience that when I take a spirutual action, I shift my consciousness from fear to faith so that I can be free to do the next right thing.
Hi again, when I reread this post this morning it made me think about something I read just last night in the book "Perfect Daughters" by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D. It was about our past and letting it define us into our adulthood. It is written for Adult daughters of alcoholics and it helped me immensly. I am all about staying in a book that helps me recover and move forward and that was a great one for that. Keep up the good work!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Thank you all. I am attending an ACOA meeting tonight (my 4th) and am working on the childhood stuff along with the stuff with the qualifier in my life right now in Alanon. I guess I don't define myself as all the things I listed, but the chemical imbalance is still there, whether I say it is or not. I have to really really put my all into not relapsing into suicidal thoughts. Thats where my mind goes and I am working on that. My sponsor and I talked for a long time last night. She talked about re-parenting myself (her sponsor told her to do the same). She said to treat myself as I wanted to be treated as a child. My parents weren't awful but they had the ism's of being ACOA's themselves. They didn't protect me from the men that hurt me, they didn't know what to look for. They didn't give me the tools that worked to live life to its fullest, so I developed coping skills and just coped my way through life.
Until I came to alanon, no medication I took, therapy I sought, friend I talked to could help me. ALanon has been the only thing that is working. And even though I know it works, its like I have to retrain my mind to seek help. I used to take anti-depressents, anti-anxiety meds, and all kinds of things to make me sleep. None of it truly worked for me, that is why I use vitamins and supplements to help me now. When I forget to take them, forget to reach out, forget to read and post here, forget to call my sponsor, I do get bad in my head... So I am glad to be here, and I will keep coming. Flop: I will try and find that book, sounds good :)
Thank you for your wonderful E S & H... I read it all and I am taking it all in. One step at a time .... little by little...
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Hi. It's good that you reached out. I feel your pain. I've been in that situation before because my ex always used up all the time. It was my fault for allowing it to happen. I learned such a HARD lesson about money. I now protect my money w/my life.
I too get up in the mornings and I get all stressed out. I'm taking a real hard math class in a community college and need to pass to be able to transfer to a university. GOD HELP ME. It's soooooo hard and I get panic attacks. Even when my finances are under control, my living situation is very stable and peaceful, I have a running car, I have plenty of food to eat. Life throws some FAST CURVEBALLS.
I have a weak support system so I pray to GOD that he guide me and comfort me in this time. I know women say all the time that you don't need a man but gosh right now I wish I had a partner for emotional support. I just can't seem to find people to back me up during this time. I need reassurance and know that someone out there is concerned for me and wishes me good results in what I do.
