am I ready to face the truth?? - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

am I ready to face the truth??

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Are you able to make it to a meeting? Do you have a sponsor? It sounds like you are in the heat of a spiral and I am wondering what you are doing to take care of yourself and take your mind of of him and what he may or may not be doing. I know that the more I think about myexAH the worse my mood and energy get until I fully hand him and his choices back over to HP. Sending you love and support!

-- Edited by flopadopilus on Wednesday 5th of October 2011 11:45:30 AM

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Tracy,

This has to be really a difficult situation for you right now, hugs again. When I have felt itchy and twitchy in the moment the best thing I could do for myself is get to a meeting. I always hear exactly what I need to in that moment. The 3 C's, you did not cause his addiction, you cannot control his addiction and you will not cure his addiction. I really hope you will put 1/2 of the amount of the energy you are putting in your A into yourself because YOU are so worth it!! You know what you know, knowing more isn't going to change what you already do know. So sorry this is causing you so much raw pain at the moment, it does hurt. This is not your issue (the addiction) to bare it is his cross. Stay or go you have to take care of you first.

Hugs P :)

All I can be · Senior Member

Hi Tracy.

What could be their motivation in telling you all this?

Are they frustrated and venting to you?
Do they think you have some control over him and can change things?
Are they trying to protect you?

It doesnt seem logical that they are all making this up. Alcoholism makes people insane and selfish.

Take care of you. He is the only one that can make himself choose you over his adiction.

Please go to face to face meetings and talk to people who have things in common with you.

Blessings to you all.

Bill

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Tracy I invite you to remember that yes he has a disease, and that disease destroys his body, including his brain. We hate the disease, that would be what the disease does!

He is not thinking at all like a rational person! Addicts brains can be destroyed, retarded, so many bad things. That along with EVERY cell in their body is sick!

He is not the man who has those traits you love anymore. He may be someday, but is not now.

I faced that and that was when I realized it was ok to feel that love for the person I lost. That this person is not him, its just a body walking around with no heart inside.

You don't see the bad becuz you love who he used to be. That person would not do all those things.

This person is no one you know or would choose to. When I separated them, that was when I honestly started feeling well. I adored my husband, my friend, my budi. I still do, have almost all my life. I find this person now disgusting, boring, thoughtless, abusive, has not heart.

Hope this helps! You are progressing believe me! good question. love,debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Tracy...my experiences like yours I came to accept as normal to the disease and rational for where I was at and what I was doing in the life with an alcoholic/addict. I wasn't the only one caught up in the disease, there were lots of others involved also and I came to understand what it mean't that Alcoholism affects everything and one it comes into contact with...that is truth. I also didn't like the pain of anger and hate and resentments so came to understand and practice with my elder sponsors on how to hate the disease and love the person unconditionally. When I learned to love unconditionally I wasn't affirming what was done wrong but the child of God my alcoholic/addict wife was and the beautiful things that existed inside of her. Alcoholism isn't a moral issue (although many of the alcoholic behaviors result in immoral and offensable reactions) it is a medical condition...one of disease which isn't cureable only arrestable by total abstinence from booze and learning how to relive in a different structured way...steps, traditions, principles and with a Power Greater than the EGO.

Are you ready to face the truth? Is there still time for learning more about what the truth is as you will come to understand it. The suggestions of working the program of recovery in Al-Anon is what works and what worked for me. That truth you already know from experience. Also the personality of truth is HP...In support (((((hugs))))) smile

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Remember that he has a disease, but he also has choices about what to do about his disease. People who have hallucinations can take medicines that help with that; people who have diabetes can take insulin. If they choose not to treat their disease, it is no wonder that that has consequences. So a disease is not a card that excuses you from consequences. It is an explanation, not an excuse.

In my case, I desperately wanted to believe the best of my alcoholic. I gave him second chances to the point where everyone else refused to talk about the matter with me. I kept seeing the person I thought he was. But that person was not there. An alcoholic in the full grip of his insanity was there. I saw what I needed, not what I had.

A program of recovery for you helps incredibly much. I hope you can keep learning all you can, working your recovery, finding the best meetings for you, and finding a sponsor. Hugs.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Tracy,

Just to share a little of my experience....... when my exAH and I separated and was deep into his disease, people would try to talk with me about him. I cut them off as quickly as I could and told them that I don't want to hear about what he is doing, nor do I talk about him at all. I got to a point where I didn't mind what they thought of me. It was self-preservation. I didn't want to hear all the bad stuff; I couldn't do anything but worry, which is futile.

People with the disease can become the persons they once were.. I realize many do not, however.

Give him over to the HP of your understanding. To do anything else is an invitation to insanity.

We aren't designed to manage other people's lives, only our own.

take good care

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

What works for me when I see loved ones suffer consequences as a result of their drinking is I go straight to gratitude. Perhaps all these things that he is choosing will get him one more step towards hitting a hard bottom. Keep letting him fall and stumble, it is the only way in which I sought help for myself. When I exhausted all of my ideas and solutions, I had enough pain where there was a willingness to do something different. In that surrender, I found I was teachable.

In support,

Tommye

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all for your responses and wisdom to this post.

Things I needed to hear to reinforce my strength and stay on course, even though I have
parted from the AH, for almost 4 years now, sometimes you waiver in your thoughts and rationalize away and forget. I forget the disease of Alcholism is unrelenting. Thanks for
the reality check.

I am so appreciative of this board, it always speaks to me.

Luv, Bettina

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.