The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Former sober AH is doing what he does best tonight.
AlAnon must really be working, because I almost feel amused by it. He is working so hard to convince himeslf there is no problem.....going to AA, saying the right things..... but yet he's at the bar. Thinks he can occassionally drink responsibly.
In some sense, it is almost a strange release for me. Now I know what to expect. No more waiting for the other shoe to fall.
This time around, though, I AM NOT going to be his scapegoat. I will not behave in a way as such to give him any reason to blame me for his decisions. I won't nag, belittle, bitch. I'll just give him the space he needs to live with his own problem.
I too am no longer waiting for the shoe to fall because he has basically been smoking every day. I know the answer every day now so I don't have to ask or look or try to work it out. He is. In a strange way that is calming because I can work with something without wondering every day.. sounds strange hey.... I hear that is kinda what you are saying too.
Linda thanks for the vote of confidence. I don't exactly feel powerful, just giving up. Giving up on worrying about something that was never mine to worry about. I am powerless over alcohol. I choose to see it as a little evil monkey that has my husband on a leash. It calls the shots, it controls him. Sometimes the monkey is gone for awhile, but it always comes back.
Yes, Flop, I guess it is acceptance. Which I guess makes me sort of sad....sad that I should ever be in a position where accepting my spouse's alcoholism is a part of my life. But like my young child says, "But it's just not fair." I think our HP gives us what we can handle. He has a reason.
Sending you support and love, the best thing about the program is knowing we don't have to be the reactor to these situations.
Hugs P :)
@Tommy,
The 4 M's WOW!! I gotta say I've heard of the 3 C's, 3 A's never the 4 M's!! Thank you!!!!
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Wait a minute here... we aren't allowed to practice "manipulation" or "martyrdom"???? Man, if I had been told that at the outset, I would have never signed up for this program..... I am outta here!!! :)
Just kidding..... good one Tommy - I don't think I had seen the "4 m's" before...
T
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Congrats for turning around your point of view! Once I took my eyes off the alcoholic I realized I had A LOT of work to do on myself...so I keep coming back. And WOW--the time I have gotten back that I used to spend obsessing over his drinking is a real blessing. Best wishes Hot Chicka!
And again tonight the same things are happening...... Slurring words at 5 pm. Go ahead baby, have at it. Whateva floats your boat.
I will not smell his breath tomorrow to try to determine how much he had. I won't talk about it or reference it. His choices.
If he gets another DUI, he'll do jail time and it will ruin the family. That is definitely a boundary I have. I do not have the ability to live through the consequences of another DUI. Not sure if there are anyboundaries before that, though. Except that I really don't want to be near him while his monkey has the reins......
Just rambling. Tired because it was a long day, not because I am spending too much time worrying about other people's stuff.
You said something that struck me in your last post and I just wanted to point out that YES you do even though you don't see this one.
"Not sure if there are anyboundaries before that, though. Except that I really don't want to be near him while his monkey has the reins......"
You have a boundary of taking care of yourself now. Going to meetings, reading lit, coming here and posting. It's a boundary of regardless of what he is doing you aren't putting yourself last anymore.
Hugs keep up the good work!! P :)
I'm sure you can come up with others that just hadn't crossed your mind. :)
-- Edited by Pushka on Thursday 6th of October 2011 06:44:17 AM
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Yep the 4 M's really hit me over the head when I first read it in our literature. I never have forgotten them. Now I am putting down my halo (lol) and trying to find which Alanon book I stole it from.
Tommye, .. LOL .. that's what I want to know .. in what book did you see that!? I need to do more reading!! You know you are shinning that halo and that's ok!! :)P
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
