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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Need advice for what to do with my father who is drinking himself to death
Post Info TOPIC: Need advice for what to do with my father who is drinking himself to death
mbcasper


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Need advice for what to do with my father who is drinking himself to death
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I went to my first Al Anon meeting today and it was helpful,but I need any advice anyone can share.  My father is 69 and has been an alcoholic his entire life.  He lives alone, and within the past 6 months has been hospitalized twice after falling.  After the first incident he refused to go to any treatment and said that he didn't have a problem (of course).  He drinks all day and doesn't hardly eat.

Yesterday I went to check on him because nobody could reach him by phone.  He was sitting on his floor, with soiled clothes and very, very incoherent.  We took him again to the hospital where he is right now (day 2).  He is going through detox, and my fear is that once he gets out he will continue until he kills himself.

Any experience with taking in an alcoholic and trying to control their habits if you are at your end.  We don't have the resources to send him to rehab, and he wouldn't go if we did.  I know I can't change him, but I need help!!!

 

Thanks

 

 

 

 



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Gina Smith
lovesanacoa


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We can not control the alcoholic in our life. We can only control our reactions to them. Keep going to meetings, find a sponsor, and work the steps. (((Gina))) I can feel the pain in your post.

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flopadopilus


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Hi there, I hope you can keep going to face to face meetings and find a sponsor to help support you! It sounds like you are in the heat of things right now and I can hear your pain. I wish I could be of more help to you, but I am sending you love and support in your battle in dealing with this terrible disease!

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God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Jerry F


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Another resourse for you is to call the AA central office in your area and ask if they have any Alcoholics willing to do a 12th step with your Dad.  Alcoholics in recovery are the very best at talking to an alcoholic not in recovery...Give it a shot early and remember to continue practicing turning him over to HP.    ((((hugs)))) smile



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mbcasper


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Thank you for your reply's, this is helpful. :)

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Gina Smith
Debilyn


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" trying to control their habits .  know I can't change him,"

This is what their disease does to us. To try to control another's habits, is trying to change them. We get all mixed up and their disease makes us so sick.

We can do nothing for them. Jerry had the best idea for you. If he listens to anyone it will be a strong person in recovery that knows not to baby him and cannot be manipulated. They can manipulate us and we don't even know it!

He is at a very bad stage. I am sad to say more than likely he will drink as soon as he can.It's his life, and he has the right to live it. I know it will probably kill him. It is horrible!

If I told you how many in laws and friends of mine who have been killed by addiction you would not believe it.

Right now, my recently ex AH, is in the last stages as your father is. There is nothing I can do. Don't feel bad about rehab. It only works if they choose to go. And even then most go many times during their life after relapsing.

Do you honestly want this disease in your home? Just becuz he is there does not mean it will change a thing,plus it may be worse as he will have you all to fight with.

The best thing is for us to go to Al Anon, read everything we can, research the disease. It helps to protect us, we learn how to not allow their disease to eat us up.

I KNOW about the love involved. Sadly it means nothing to a disease. I hope you keep coming, vent, share, ask questions. We can also pray a miracle happens too! As they do happen!.

Glad you found us. love,debilyn 

 

 

 



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       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
tommyecat


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MB,

I loved what Jerry said.  Please consider calling the local AA office.  There are members in AA who would be happy to make a bedside call. 

I myself have a father that is a daily drinker.  He is 68 lives alone and works.  I cannot imagine how you felt when you found him.  I do so encourage you to keep coming here and posting how you are feeling to get it all out.  Also, as it was suggested before, face to face alanon meetings are so helpful to me.  There are many people in my homegroup who have loved ones who are active in their drinking and have found peace, hope, compassion, love, and understanding. 

I do so hope you will consider attending at least 6 or more meetings before making a decision as to whether or not alanon is right for you.   Thank you for having the courage to share today.  You are not alone, so keep coming back!

In support,

Tommye



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mbcasper


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Thank you so much Debilyn.  Your words really hit home with me.  I so appreciate your wisdom.  Love back to you.



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Gina Smith
mbcasper


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Tommye,

 

Thank you as well and I will contact our local office and try to arrange someone to make a house call.  This has really helped and I look forward to my next meeting tomorrow.

 



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Gina Smith
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